“I may be basically good, human, loving, but I am also more than that, imaginatively dual, complex, an illusionist. I only feel close to people who arouse my energy, who make enormous demands of me, who are capable of enriching me with experience, pain, people who do not doubt my courage, or my toughness. People who do not believe me naive or innocent, but who challenge my keenest wisdom, who have the courage to treat me like a woman in spite of the fact that they are aware of my vulnerability.”—Anaïs Nin, from The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 1: 1931-1934
“Then it becomes clear that I am not one and simple, but complex and many. That is what they do not understand, for they are now undoubtedly discussing me, saying I escape them, am evasive. They do not understand that I have to effect different transitions. I am abnormally aware of circumstances.”—Virginia Woolf, The Waves
“At the risk of sounding like those people who go on about how the Nazis had nice uniforms, it's worth remembering that bad things often have good aspects to them: burglars show bravery, smoking looks cool, Jeffrey Archer was quite good at athletics, the theme tune to Casualty is catchy. The good aspects don't stop the things being bad. It's vital to our understanding of a complex world, and to our intellectual dexterity, to be able to hold two different concepts in our heads at once without assuming that they're mutually exclusive.”—Where Should We Place Burglars on the Bravery-Cowardice Spectrum? by David Mitchell
Simply Complex: A Thought
Simplicity is easy for those who are capable of those who do not over exert their wants and place them above necessity.
Something like that…lol. Look at me attempting to sound intelligent.
But really, simplicity is something that is hard to obtain and attain. I believe it is difficult to have due to society adhearing to complex methods of living. Example, dieting, food. For me, I am all for healthy living, excercise, meditation, healthy food intake, but I love my comfort foods as well. Over the years it seems as though diets like South Beach, Atkins, those weight loss pills, have put a fear of enjoyment of eating food. Especially because food is more than providing nutrition, but it is a part of culture…like a bridge between many cultures, if you are daring, of course.
But the connection I was trying to make is to simply live. It seems as though everyone has this fear of living by being such advocates of preservation. Preserving yourself for other reasons, such as family, a significant other, or career can be a daunting task because many can lose sight of themselves.
I know. I have.
I never had a voice. I only had music. People outside of my thought process just viewed it as a prominent professional career to be a concert violinist. I didn’t want to be that, I just found my voice through my instrument, and played my heart out. My teachers knew, because they listened, but anyone else who didn’t listen, didnt know. I tried the talking thing, once I graduated school, knew that my wrists needed a rest.
But I played when I could, wrote when I couldnt. And if people were willing to read, or listen, life was just that…simple. Now granted, I have no problem in representing myself verbally in academia or professional situations, but when it comes to emotional expression, I feel like a child that doesn’t want to be mom or dad’s problem child because my siblings were dickheads to them.
But my siblings think I’m a dickhead for telling my parents that I am transgender, I want to be the man I always was and to simply live my life.
That, I am sure I can do. I am currently doing so. People just make my life so complex. Like adaptation to others… I have pride, lots of it, but I can control my pride, especially if I am in a give or take relationship….be it friend or more. In the past I have felt like I always had to overgive myself for people to just do one…simple (in my head) thing… listen.
Its like… if you listen to why I am mad you may think of a solution to make me happy. But if you dont listen, dont continuously ask me why am I mad.
Granted, no one has the same simplistic thought process as me. Many may be simpler, many may be more complex, which entails me being patience to their adaptation. I guess the one complex thing about me is that I dont give up on anything worth fighting for, which is alot. Some of these things/people, arent even worth it lol…
But simply…because I care, I love, I listen, I learn, and I put forth a fight to things that I feel passionate about.
And my passion… Is just simply, complex.
PS: Im going to take some music lessons… and I’m not sure if I should pick up where I left off with the violin, or learn a new instrument I received for Christmas…the guitar. What do you think?