Commitment Issues
(I’ve been searching the internet, but I can’t find anything not about relationships on this topic)
Commitment Issues are not just about being with a person in a relationship. It’s about not being able to make choices or commit to decisions in your life because you are truly afraid of tying yourself down to one outcome because with each decision we make we go further down the path. We close every door that might have been something. We can only choose one door, and we only get one outcome, one shot then it’s over. And every door you come across in on this path, we are forced to either journey down it forever, never allowed to turn back, or close it and lose all its possibilities.
And that is terrifying.
Null and Void
I was speaking with a friend just now who fears commitment. I informed her that it is nothing to fear, because at the end of the day, it is all null and void. If you actually think about it, it really is null and void at the end of the day. Nothing truly lasts forever, there is always some sort of end. Relationships will all end one day, even if you have a great marriage some one will die.
I personally do not fully understand commitment issues, I will be the first to admit that. What can make people want to just keep the whole world at arms length and hide behind their masks for so long? You only get so much time, why use it cowering and asking what if’s? People are complex creatures, but in the end they, barring extreme circumstances, all want to be loved and held. Would that not be nice, to get past some sort of invisible barrier holding you back?
I’m no expert by any means, but I hate feeling unwanted. It is a common thread in my life, of being flashy and new, but as time goes by wearing off and no longer being acceptable. So I get discarded, sometimes quickly and sometimes after a while, but always discarded. However, it is never because I was afraid to commit too much. I give everything I can all the time, can you all say the same?
You are going to get hurt. Everything hurts, all the time. Living is pain, eventually it becomes a dull, recognizable hum. You learn to cope with the suffering and channel it into productive emotion. You can only stay down for so long, before you are down forever. Some people are doormats, while others are overly aggressive boots shaking the snow off. People who abuse people are inherently weak, so all you have to do is be strong enough to say no and tow a line.
It was never about being the strongest, just being strong enough to be yourself.
Disconcerted with Honor,
Rusted Knight
P.S. There is more to me than preconceived notions and poorly rationalized opinions. I am a person, I am complex, just like you.
