*~Obviously~*
I signed up at Second City, because, as I said to the other class-mates today “all we really want here, is to be taught how to be a pirate. All. Of. Us.” Which, yeah, I know - is some profound shit. But to be honest (Slash ~ReAl~), is to be around like-minded people (who want to pretend to be a pirate). It all boiled down to, about 6pm tonight, after class when we all got da beers, and once the waiter had left the table (yeah, waiter! Classy bahtches): We all just looked at each other. Looked at the next table. Looked back at each other. And then launched into a tirade of really, really, beautiful pedofilia jokes. Like, one after the other, after the other, after the other. And that’s what it’s REALLY all about. Fuckin’ sexy, sexy babies.
The Choice: Part 2
The YU Beacon released another article this week. The article, called “The Choice”, is a hilarious play about Judaism and abortion. What people didn’t know was that this article was actually a 2 part story. I present to you the second part of “The Choice” (Part 1 can be found here: http://yubeacon.com/2011/12/the__written_word/the-choice/ )
CAST OF CHARACTERS
SHIRA, 23, Jewish Orthodox, Sheltered upbringing, secretly thinks that Nickelback is OK, not great but definitely ok.
DUVI, 25, Shira’s husband, also Jewish Orthodox, Sheltered upbringing, secretly likes Nickelback but refuses to admit it so in conversation when people say Nickelback sucks he just goes “They don’t suck, they are ok. not great but definitely at least OK”
Setting
The Breakfast-nook, or dining room in Shira and Duvi’s home.
TIME
Slighty more After midnight, 2011.
Duvi stands staring at Shira who had just swallowed a Plan-B pill. Duvi wears a yarmulke. He has also has put on a pair of sunglasses.
Duvi- Why did you do that!?!
Shira- I needed to get my point across! You weren’t listening! This was the only way!
Duvi- And you thought that abortion was the best way to do that!
Shira- Plan B is not abortion!
Duvi- YOUR FACE IS NOT ABORTION!
Shira- What are you saying!
Duvi- What are YOU saying!
Shira- Stop that!
Duvi- Stop that!
Shira- Stop what!
Duvi- Stop What!
Shira- Look under there!
Duvi- Under Where?!?
Shira- haha! I made you say Underwear!
Duvi- You bitch.
Shira- I had to.
Duvi- Well you aren’t the only one with the upper hand here!
Shira- What do you mean?
Duvi- You don’t think I knew you had bought those pills? I go through your bag every night when you come back home from work. I’ve known about you and these pills for months and I knew it was only a matter of time until you took them.
Shira- So what? Congratulations! you found out!
Duvi- That’s not all. I knew I needed to stop you so about a week ago I started swapping out your pills and putting Jelly Bellys in place of the Plan- B pills. Didn’t you wonder why your Plan-B pill tasted like Strawberry Shortcake?
Shira- I dont know! I thought they were trying to brighten a dark situation or something! Like “Wow, it sucks to get an abortion… wait! Is that Strawberry Daiquiri? It is! This abortion isn’t that bad after all! ”. I never thought in a million years that you would be switching my pills!
Duvi- Well, you thought wrong.
*Shira begins to sob*
Shira- My body isn’t some game or Joke!
*Duvi begins to act sly and slowly moves over to her*
Duvi- Looks like it is a joke..
*Removes glasses*
Duvi- and the joke is on you
*theme song to CSI miami plays (http://mirrors.rit.edu/instantCSI/) as Duvi slowly walks out of the room*
Duvi- One more thing
*Duvi turns around*
Duvi- Want a Rugelach?
*Duvi slowly walks out and mutters to himself “My Wife. My Choice”*
BLACKOUT.
Eitan Levine is a Stand-up, Improv and Sketch comic based out of NYC.
Follow him on Twitter at @Eitanthegoalie
Email: Eitanthegoalie@gmail.com
Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2012.
So yeah Edinburgh Fringe is basically the best thing ever right?
Here’s my edited highlights;
- Chatting in made up sign language
- Heath McIvor standing in the pouring rain for 10 minutes to cheer up my flyering day. Everyone said he was lovely; he is definitely lovely.
- While typing this I just remembered telling someone how amazing Heath was then turning round to find Sammy J.
- Flyering Matt Forde and having a daft chat on Twitter.
- Being recognized from Twitter by Stuart Goldsmith.
- Being recognized from Twitter is a thing now, five people after that did so. How is this a thing? I still don’t get it.
- Ben Pappy’s dancing.
- Having a two hour conversation with one of my favourite comedians - this could only happen in Ed. Everyone consequently taking the piss, asking when I’m visiting him etc? - check!
- Getting in to see The Unbelievable Truth recording, thanks Lloyd!
- Learning comedians keep track of how many times you see them in a month as well as the other way around. “You can have a sweet, you’ve seen me three times this month”.
- Free pizza from Dylan Moran.
- Jarred Christmas buying me a Fanta, honestly it was much needed at the time.
- It took me all month to speak to Michael Legge. I said hi and ran off afterwards.
- Thom Tuck is the best. Straight to DVD, a year late but amazing. Flips out was good too. Plus you know his face. Definitely guilty of babbling at him for five minutes after #stDVD.
- Tommy Little is now one of my favourite people.
- Listening to podcasts from Edinburgh becomes weird when you know the stories that can’t be talked about on air.
- Jim Smallman’s Group Therapy and Comedian’s Comedian were the best things to do at lunchtime.
- Elis James’ dancing.
- Sitting on the floor of Brooke’s Bar at 3am being introduced to comedians.
- One of my bosses telling me I had a niche taste in comedy.
- Forever getting and losing badges.
- Forever being excited by the appearance of Tim Key.
- The moment when everyone I worked with got excited by Paloma Faith, me being unmoved then getting overexcited by Alex Horne and everyone else being disinterested.
- People randomly starting conversations about Deal or No Deal with me when in the company of Mark Olver.
- Prick! being your favourite show, and too many people getting confused in conversation by this.
My favourite quote of the festival; “Lora I think you know more about comedy than me.” Thanks, Lloyd.
As you reach the end of the post it is probably wise to note this from Shappi Khorsandi:
Being back from Edinburgh Festival feels like being back from Narnia. If you talk about what happened and what you did, you sound insane.
But having said that please feel free to ask me lots of things about Edinburgh because it was amazing. Same time next year?
TONIGHT! MAKING OUT - with Wes Perry and Friends
Wednesday - April 18 - 8:00pm Free! ($5 Suggested Donation) BYOB
Wes Perry loves his friends so much, he want to share them! Stop by for performances from Wes himself accompanied by guitarist Adam Cohen-Leadholm and drummer Ross Howard.
AND OF COURSE THIS PERFORMANCES FROM MONTHS FRIENDS:
- Eric Budzynski - A Moth Storytelling winner and professional organist.
- Steph Cook - Improviser at iO Chicago and the Annoyance, and the host of Kill All Comedy.
- Andy Siharath - A photographer, fashionista, and the editor of LQQKS Magazine.
- Ruth Buzzi (Sarah Fineout, Christina Boucher, Rachel Farmer and Kara Moore) - Collectively these improvisors have performed with the Second City, iO Chicago, and the Annoyance. They can be seen performing every Monday at the Playground Theater with Bella.
- Rikki Crowley (also known as Rica-shay) will be performing a show stopping number,
- Internet Celebrity tyler coates will tell a story involving sex and the super-nature!
- AND A SPECIAL SURPRISE GUEST (we think? Unless it was Tyler)
"Jokes"
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