Thoughts from an Absent-Minded Philosopher- A four year reflection

While I am still staying around for an extra semester (Victory 100-Yard Sprint!), I have still learned quite a bit in the last four years that I spent in college. I’ve had an interesting time and I thought I’d post a recap on some of the things that I’ve picked up on since my high school graduation so long ago…

1) Imagination is the most important tool a person has. 

  So yeah, if I had been a responsible student all four years, what would have been my final class at Transy was a class all about the importance of imagination. It was not at all what I was expected but it belabored an incredibly important point: the one listed above. You see, people like to think that our reality is stagnant and that cannot be farther from the truth. It is true that I am a fatalist and ultimately believe that things happen to me and that what happens tomorrow has already been decided however that doesn’t stop me from trying to make the world a better place. I have set goals for myself and created ideals that I hope to see come to fruition. Sure that might never happen but because I have imagined something better for myself and for the world around me, I am showing a willingness to change things. It’s like an existential crisis. I don’t actually believe that one can “find oneself” - that’s just stupid. There isn’t some Danny hiding in a box that I need to find by looking around at things. Rather, I have the ability to create an image of who I want to be and as long as I am working towards that goal, I am constantly changing ‘me’. Who you are is who you want to be. Don’t ever be dissatisfied with who you are because ultimately, you can change who you are (We’re going to leave genetic and biological things aside. If you are clinically depressed, telling yourself that you are happy isn’t the best option. Go find help. Likewise, don’t try to wake up one morning and be straight. If you’re gay, that ain’t changing anytime soon.). Imagine a better world, a better you and work towards those things. You’ll be amazed at the results you’ll find.

2) Be real with yourself and others. 

 I have a tendency to lie to myself a lot because for one reason or another. Denying that I am sad, angry, frustrated, etc. hasn’t ever actually done me much good. You see, if you are experiencing negative emotions, don’t lie to yourself and try to convince yourself that you’re really happy when you’re not. Let out a few tears every now and then, don’t bottle that up. There are people around you that really do care about you and want to help you out. Or even more than that, you can help yourself out. Figure out why you’re upset and determine if it’s something that you can address. If it is, then try to do so, ask for help if necessary. If not, then just accept that you cannot change that and you can work with what you’ve got. Even more than that, if you’re happy about something, don’t suppress that. Happiness and smiles are infectious. Just because the person next to you is sad, don’t hide that you are happy. Try to share that with them. Unless of course, this is a case of schadenfreude in which case you’re normal and just gloat somewhere else. Yeah, being happy that your ex is miserable, that’s kind of horrible but at least you’re happy right? (Yeah, that part is horrible advice. Just be happy, okay?) And more than that, be real with the people around you. If you aren’t being honest with the people around you, then you clearly don’t respect them. If you legitimately call them your friend, then show them some respect.

3) Don’t bother hanging out with people that aren’t real with you. 

 I hate it when people tell me things because they think it is what I want to hear. HATE it.  It’s stupid. It’s them saying that they don’t believe that you can handle the truth and they don’t respect you enough to tell it to you. That’s just not cool. If they don’t respect you, then they are clearly poor friends and don’t deserve any of your time or energy. Let them go, they really aren’t worth it. All it can do is hurt you. Seriously. It can be a blow to your self-esteem, self-confidence or self-value when you realize that they may or may not have lied to you extensively at various points. This is why you should be real to others, because when they aren’t real to you, they aren’t worth your time.

4) Don’t know everybody but don’t know nobody. 

 It’s wonderful being able to recognize a plethora of faces and have a good number of people that you can talk to. But don’t get to the point where it’s just superficial. If you are one of those people that know everybody, make sure that you really try to know all of those people. Everybody around you is worth something and it is rude to just try to know them so you feel popular. Your self-worth is not evaluated by the quantity of friendships that you can maintain rather, it is the quality that matters. If you are tired of maintaining a relationship with someone, just let it die naturally. Don’t bother trying to keep it up if it’s not something that either member is really trying to maintain. Focus in on those key people in your life that when you see them, your heart smiles. Those people that you know you love and that you know love you in return. 

5) Don’t follow your heart- it’s just there to pump your blood.

 Okay, so one of the worst pieces of advice (in my opinion) is to follow one’s heart. This is coming from a guy that hates crushes. Seriously. I hate crushes because suddenly I want to do irrational things and that’s just silly. But don’t be all up-in-arms just yet. It’s fine to have emotions (sidenote- I hate emotions. I would give up all emotion if I could. Some people actually are like this. They aren’t sad about it! Lol.) but don’t let them be your guide in life. Think about it in something a bit extreme: domestic abuse. There are those people that stay with someone despite the fact that s/he is horrible to him/her. People look at these people and stand in disbelief. This is what happens when you follow your heart: life beats you up. If you have a feeling, use logic to determine if it is something worth having. I mean this more in terms of grander life plans like moving to a new place or starting a new relationship. Relying strictly on feelings means that you are likely to give up on something that really could be so much better for you. Don’t date someone just because you have a fleeting crush on her/him. Think about whether or not you could really maintain a relationship with the person or if there are more benefits to the relationship (not sex) that you both could garner (such as a solid companionship). Maybe it won’t work out and it would be better for you to date someone else. Don’t pick a school or a new town just because the person you like is going there. If you are going to be studying at a program that you are not happy with just because there are some emotions tying you to it, reconsider. Is it really what you want to be doing? Will you be miserable the rest of your life because you missed an opportunity that was better for you? There is a lot more to this section than I want to explore in a facebook note. Ultimately, remember that people that follow feelings join cults; people that follow their brains cure cancer.

6) Reflect on everything- there is no such thing as “over-thinking” and people that say that there is are liars.

 I am a little bit biased when it comes to this one. I reflect and dwell on things for a long amount of time. But here is what I learn from doing that: I find all of the lessons that can be learned from my experiences. You see, ultimately in life you are going to trust those things that most resonate with you. It’s likely that none of the things on this list resonate with you and you think I am just stupid for thinking I have wisdom to share. That is absolutely fine. Your experiences matter more to you than mine do. But, they aren’t worth as much as they could to you if you haven’t taken the time to properly reflect on them. In my work in community service, there is a popular reflection that we do: The what, the so what, and the now what. These aren’t just useful in reflecting on your service work but on everything you do. What have you done? What about it is important and what is it that you can learn from that? And the most important question: So now what are you going to do as a result of this new experience? Think it through, process it and gain as much knowledge as possible from it. Life is a classroom and everything is a lesson. You won’t stop learning until you are dead.

7) Everything and everyone has value.

 Hopefully I shouldn’t have to explain this one to you. But I’m going to run through it pretty quickly instead. I’m not going to bother to make a case for intrinsic value. Rather, everything and everyone is worth something to something or someone else. That tree in your yard is worth something to you when it provides you shade, it’s worth something to the birds that build nests in its branches and it’s worth something to the rest of the planet in producing fresh oxygen for you and your neighbors to breathe each morning. That bully that harasses you every day? Yeah, he may be an ass but he may be his sister’s only friend. His mother loves him and his sister more than anything else in the world. And you know what, he might just turn out to be a better person one day that speaks to people about how bullying is bad. If you treat things around you as if they don’t have value, you are doing a disservice to them and to yourself because you are limiting your sights.

8) Live with a philosophy of others. 

 I’m going to end my list with this thought. You are just one person on this planet that has been around for a long time and is going to be around for a much longer time. You are not the sum but rather just part of the equation of the whole. Remember that the world does not revolve around you and work to make sure that life for others is better. I assure you, it will make you feel a thousand times better and it will make the world a better place. A free market thinks only of itself and look where that has gotten us over the years: people starving all over the world, people killing each other every day out of greed and plenty of misery. Live a life where you focus on what you can do for others and maybe together we can help achieve an imagined world of beauty.

For everything else, try this: http://www.healthjourneys.com/kaiser/selfConfidence_flash.aspIt can be handy either for lols or maybe it works for you.

Either way, these are my thoughts. Maybe they will as helpful to you as they have been to me.

It's my last full week of classes!

I’m excited about it, despite the fact that I have stacks on stacks on stacks of homework. 

This semester went by quickly; it’s weird to think I’m essentially 1/8th of the way through college. Some days that scares me, but today I’m just excited. I’m looking forward to life after college and living in a new city, like NYC. That being said, I plan to savor every moment I have left here. I’m incredibly glad that I’ve made it through my first semester rather successfully. Yes, there have been a lot of bumps in the road (so to speak), but I’ve learned at least one thing from nearly every mistake I’ve made. Plus, the majority of my mess-ups were social, not academic so that’s a good thing. 

Last weekend I went out with some friends, got trashed, and called someone I shouldn’t have WAY too many times. From now on I’m leaving my phone at home when I’m drunk. That’s easier than deleting half my contacts every Friday and Saturday night. I know what you’re thinking, “it’s not safe to go out without your phone.” I would agree; however, I have never needed it to get home. Somehow, even when completely alone, I know how to get to my dorm from any frat/house party, even if I couldn’t do it sober without my maps app. I don’t know why but my drunk self has a great sense of direction. The only thing I use my phone for when I’m wasted is calling and texting people I shouldn’t. 

Kids, don’t be like me. Don’t walk home alone when drunk. Stay with your friends. 

Anyway, back to academics. I have this week, two days of class next week, an essay, and two exams. After that, I will officially have completed my first semester in college. How crazy is that?! 

I’m excited to have some time at home to chill, watch movies, read books for fun, and catch up with friends. I know I’ll really miss college though. It’s only for about a month, so I’ll be fine. It’s strange thinking about how close I feel to some of the people here. Especially the ones I’ve only known for about a month. I’m so thankful to have found a group of friends here. It may not be extremely large, but it’s enough, for now, at least ;)
I’ve met so many diverse people since August 28th. Some of them were only part of my life for a week or two. Others are people I’ll be sharing a house with next year. A few are ones with whom I wish I could make amends, but I know I have to be patient and wait for forgiveness because I’ve done all I can. Many of the people I’ve met have taught me lessons. I know it’s cliché, but I really did learn a lot and grow as a person this semester. It’s hard to put into words. I’m not the girl I was a year ago. So many things have changed in the past few months. Sometimes, I get confused by what I do or how I react to situations now. Sometimes, I wonder what I’m doing with my life. As a whole though, I like the person I’ve become. Sure, I still make mistakes. Yes, I’m sure I’ll continue to change. Of course, I still have flaws. I don’t regret any of the things I’ve done though. Maybe I should, but instead I really try to view them as learning opportunities. 

Okay, I’m getting much too corny and clichéd now. I’m just trying to say that even though nearly everything has changed, I’m okay with it. It’s been fun. 

I’d like to thank all of my followers. It’s nice knowing that someone might read random things that I post or my recounts of my weeks/weekends. I appreciate you all!