Stupid cochlea.

I have cochlear damage. Therefore, I can’t hear that well. I can hear things like anyone else can, but at lower volume and sometimes it’s like there’s a wall between the source and my ears. On a bad day, sounds are muffled. On a good day, I miss a few words every now and then. Most of the time, I either figure out what’s been said or hear something so different I know I’ve misheard.

It’s not a secret, but it’s not obvious either. There’s nothing that can really be done and even amplifying sound doesn’t always work. That’s the thing with the cochlea. When damage is done, louder isn’t better. It’s just loud. I still can’t understand it. That’s not to say volume is never the problem. I’m better off reading lips and gestures than deciphering a whisper.

But my only complaint is when someone doesn’t understand. If I ask you to repeat something, it isn’t to be annoying. It’s because I honestly didn’t hear what you said. I’m not an attention starved four year old.

I have one co-worker that seemingly doesn’t believe me.

What I hear her say: I ….s … if… het… a……. ha!

Me: Sorry, what was that?

Her: You heard me!

Every. Single. Time.

No, I didn’t fucking hear you. Hence the request to repeat yourself. What I heard was not comprehensible to me and therefore I require it said again. I don’t get a kick out of it, it’s just as annoying to me as it is to others.

She acts like I’m ignoring her. If that were the case, I’d pretend I didn’t know you’d said anything at all. Idiot. Not give you a chance to keep talking.

When I tell her that, no, I truly didn’t hear what she said, she has the same response: ‘Yes you did!’

Okay, well. If that’s logical to you, I don’t see a point in continuing this conversation. At least I have an excuse for not being able to understand what’s been said.