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I am 1000% sick of those Golden Corral commercials.
Who the fuck wants to go to a Golden Corral and dip food into a chocolate fountain? With all those germy kids and sick people. Because you know those kids are sticking their hands in that recycled chocolate.
And let’s be honest. Golden Corral does not attract the most hygienic people and polite diners.
Things Found in Golden Corral’s Chocolate Waterfall
- Knuckle hair
- Fried chicken drumsticks
- Ed Hardy sunglasses
- Band-aid with disturbing growth
- Ink pen with bathing suit girl that turns nude
- Wedding ring with inscription “May the Force be with you”
- Loose change
- iPhone leaving Foursquare post about being Mayor of Golden Corral’s Chocolate Waterfall in Bolingbrook, Illinois
- Green Lantern power rings of assorted colors
- Roast beef slices
- Litter of chihuahua puppies
- Loose Change, the 9/11 documentary
- Shreds of dignity
How Will Golden Corral Follow the Chocolate Waterfall?
How can they can top THIS health-code violation juggernaut?
- Deep-Fried Salad!
- All-You-Can-Eat Chicken Skin
- Bacon Confetti Drop Booth
- Life-Sized Communal Gingerbread Men
- Pizza Juice Fountain
- Green Bean and Chocolate Pudding Casserole
- Corral-Sized Shrimp Cocktail Parfaits
- Self-Serve Pancake Station (including new menu items like all-you-can-eat hot wings and ranch dressing)
- World’s Largest Shared Cupcake
- The Peanut-Butter-and-Jelly Hot Tub
- The Bacon-and-Eggs Ball Pit
- Human-Sized Beef Legs
- Family-Style Regurgitating Food Chew
- Gravy Flashdance Shower
- The Golden Corral Creamery Ice Cream Swimming Pool
- Organic Grass-Fed, Locally-Sourced Horse Penis