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»⋅━◈⋅Changing Myself for the Better⋅⋅
━Going to start forgiving and forgetting. Holding grudges has negative effects on my overall well being and there is no reason to let the ones who have done me wrong have that kind of negative power over me. Letting go of grudges will clear my conscience and make me feel a lot better.
━Treating everyone with kindness. Being nice to everybody (yes even those who are rude or disrespectful towards me).
━Speaking well of others. The last thing I’d want is to be known as that insecure girl who is always saying mean things about others. Being nice feels way better than being mean, and gossiping makes me feel bad after I do it sometimes. Being positive and non-judgmental towards people is never a bad thing.
━Stop making excuses. I do this far too often, but its better to accept my own failures rather than to push them onto some other person or thing.
━Trying to avoid comparing myself to others. Everyone is working at their own pace in life, and there is no reason to feel bad about my place in life. There will always be someone better or worse, and focusing on myself is a much better game plan.
━Stop seeking approval from others. I want to care less about what people think of me, and stop trying to be who I think they want me to be. I am the decider of my own future, and nobody else.
━Nurture more of my social relationships. Show people that I care more often, and go out of my way to be kind to those who I care about. Taking time to see people, and rekindling old relationships is something I want to do.
━Tell the truth, all the time. I want to be more honest because lying creates a whole lot of stress. It also helps build trust with those around me.
━ Work on exercising, sleeping, and eating better. I want to boost my self esteem and feel better health wise. Diet is a huge chunk of mental health and why you feel the way you do, and putting healthful things into my body will make me a lot happier in the long run. More planning, and waking up the same time every day.
━Establish more control over myself and my own life. Not letting others tell me how to live my life, and being in charge of my own feelings and self worth.
━Stop obsessing over things that cannot be changed. Accepting that a lot of things in life aren’t fair, but that is okay. Focus more on what I can control and how to change it for the better.
Time to make some changes.
- Re-start my friendships and commence interaction once again
- Ring up a martial arts centre and start getting fit
- Commence study (by study, I mean I’m finally going to start learning 2 other languages besides viet)
- Take up dance again
- Start saving like crazy
- Learning to spend more wisely
God help me.
First of I wanna start by saying where ever that person is who is waiting for me, please get by. Its because right now I’m trying to change myself consciously as a person and once I reach for what I need to achieve and get it, that is when I’ll try and get to you. All I ask for you to continue to wait. It won’t be much longer :)
I’ve reevaluated myself. There are things I need to fix within myself and I accept that. I meditated today for 2 hours and oddly enough it only felt like I had been there for maybe 30 minutes. I think meditation will really help me out. To be honest, sitting in silence and thinking is really a great form of therapy.
I see I need to get myself back into my sketchbook and art and forget about other people’s problems. I want to be able to have a great portfolio for college and from this day forward, I’m going to work as hard as possible. I’m going back to how I was before and setting my goals into place again.
I know I should have never cared what people thought and tried to impress them but I was blinded by teenage stupidity. Everyone falls off the path sometimes, I just have to jump back on now.
so I just watched The Descendants...
- it really made me step back and look at what a horrible person I am. I shouldn't be okay with being a "bitch" to anyone. I shouldn't be okay with being a mediocre daughter and granddaughter. if I died tomorrow, I wouldn't be happy with my life, and that's a problem.
- so my New Years resolution (even though it's 5 days late) is that I'm going to better myself, in every way possible.
- this time next year, I WILL be a better person.
I hate when you’re hanging out with someone just you two and then y’all hang out in a group an that person acts completely different I swear I hate when that happens. Like everyone is like that I try not to, but I know I have to filter myself sometimes around certain people when I need to just be me like eff that I hate when people do that so I’m gonna try my hardest not to. Be true to yourself because people come and go who cares what they think they don’t decide if you win or lose fail or succeed live or die or go to heaven or hell like it’s not up to these people so when you act one way around someone then different around someone else that’s stupid just be you because you are be-you-tiful
Monday, January 16, 2012
Snuck over at 4am last night and we had a sleepover. Today he helped me with math before my midterm tomorrow. Encouraged me to keep working harder when he leaves. Now he’s gone and his winter break is offically over. We’re taking a break…well we’re discussing this later. We’re doing it to improve the future us. I’m going to miss him and I really hope it does turn out well. I’m going to try to change myself into a new an improved version of me. Kind of exciting when you look at it that way. I love him so much and I will try and change and make sure he does too. I will try to be reasonable rather than emotional and making decisions based on how I feel… So here we go! Goals: better grades, better social life, better body and health and self esteem.
- Sleep before 12
- No more fast food
- No midnight snacks (maybe sometimes only hihi)
- Drink a lot of water
- Go to the gym
- Stop caring about what everyone thinks about me
- Wear less makeup
- Use aircon for only 7 hours maximum everyday
- Go to my lolas house every Sunday for Lunch & Dinner
- Stop procrastinating on school stuff
- Spend most of your Saturdays being productive and fun rather than getting drunk
- Drink only on special occasions
- Don’t let a guy define who I am
- Fix up my room
- Pray every night
- Be more generous
- Avoid fights with brothers and answering back to my dad
- Spend more time with friends that I haven’t seen in a long time
- Be more happy hihi ☺
I was thinking of what changes I can make physically.
Then I thought, why just change physical stuff about myself? So I decided to make a list of things, it’s not long, but things that I should do :)
These are things I really never did or never thought of something that’s a need. But it’s just nice to do, right!
- Go to church everyweek
- Read books
- Go to sleep earlier
- Start donating things I really don’t use anymore.
- Start doing better in school. (Ughhh I hope!)
Got those things from how my mom was. She was a very spiritual and generous person, I’m hoping to be a bit like her. Continue her legacy right? lol hihi.
I’m trying to be a better person! ☺
For these past two months I have been really messed up. A few times I was on the verge of just giving up and quitting life but then I thought, well killing myself would not have solved anything but being free of my regrets. It is hard to admit you have hit rock bottom and knowing you have fucked up so bad but it feels a little better after when you have gained enough strength to fix things. I have messed up bad and if the people close to me knew what I did they would probably would be ashamed and disgraced. Those choices have impacted me to the point where I could not eat for a week because I was so disgusted with myself. It was like I lost all control of who I was. Everyday has been a little step in the right direction from those dark days I had. I have decided to get better and get help which hopefully will help me in the long run. This struggle is not over but I know I won’t have to deal with this alone now which is reassuring.