“I try. I really do. I so badly want to be one of those people who “eats clean”, who can lay off the carbs for one goddamn moment just to give my digestive tract a break and feel all grand and springy in my step. But I just can’t. And you know what? Croissants make me springy. Heaping bowls of penne doused in shavings of parmigiano reggiano make me springy. Buttered toast and warm cookies and bagels smothered in cream cheese make me so springy, I’m like a human daffodil up in here. Simply put, carbs are the friggin’ best.”