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Reminisce - Eyes on Fire
I have written this post about four times now.
I guess it comes down to this:
I’m having reverse Kastle homesickness.
I spend most of the night last night looking at all of my pictures and posts from those three wonderful, tiring, painful, sickening, happiest, saddest, most thought provoking, and sheer awesome months of my life that I spent in Europe.
It was a year ago yesterday that I hopped on a plane and traveled to a different country for the first time. It was my first taste of being alone. So it was quite scary for a while. I felt extremely homesick, and there were times in the first few weeks where I regreted making the journey without someone that I was closer to so that I could share this experience with them, rather than constantly turning to my computer.
But after about two months, I truly began to actually not want to leave. I loved relying on myself, and going on adventures (some better than others). And I wished that I could just come back here whenever I wanted, that I could just walk over the Atlantic Ocean and come back.
But it’s obviously not that easy.
I had a dream about the Castle last night and the feeling of complete question as to whether I will ever be able to lay eyes on that place again makes me feel very alone. Even if I do get to go back to Well someday, I know that I won’t be able to just waltz into my old room and cry, just to let it all out, because at this point, I know that’s exactly what I would do.
I’m a very sentimental person when it comes to experiences like this. I’m always extremely afraid of forgetting the little moments that make all of the adventures worthwhile - maybe that’s why I took as many picutres as I did. But the beauty of expereinces like this one take too long to sink in for me, and so I end up regretting the time that I spent not fully appreciating everything.
I just want to go back so badly! Sometimes you just need a break from your reality - and the Castle was certainly my break, without question.
I guess I just wish things were different, but they’re not, and I can’t change that.
I want a baguette and stroopwafel.
Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long.
GUESS WHO FINALLY SAW DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 2
Tried to see it last week.
Movie theatre decided to troll due to a fire alarm in the mall downstairs, and the movie cut out just after Snape flees the Great Hall, the lights in the theatre came on, they finally got the movie running again but with no sound, they got the sound back but they couldn’t rewind the movie, and thy coudn’t turn off the lights.
Fuck that shit we were out.
One friend couldn’t stay to see a later showing so Emma (rainboesymphony) and I opted for X-Men: First Class. Dammit Emma I blame you.
Finally saw it a week later. Sunday is forevr movie day.
All my feelings can be summed up with one gif:
Alone on the Water
I think the last time I cried this hard on a fic was Dementia (where Edgeworth got Alzheimer’s), but then that fic was taking you slowly through the stages so it’s more like you’re being drowned. This feels more like being stabbed in the gut by a knife repeatedly. I feel kind of glad I didn’t listen to the accompanying music of this fic, otherwise explaining my hard sobs to my parents is gonna be awkward.
Anyway, brb going through super uber fluffy stuff that will probably rot my teeth out and telling myself that everything’s okay, that they’re actually very happy together and Sherlock’s not dead at all ;_______________;