Quotes and Other Things I Took From Melissa Stetten, The Girl Who's Pretty Bored
It was two nights ago when I got home from an eight hour shift at a shit job that means nothing. Is my life going nowhere? It’s a question I told myself not to think about right then. I’m standing in a navy blue skirt and heels staring into the mirror. I fix my tights. It’s July but they make me look skinnier. I decide I might wear my floral dress instead, but that’s a tank top and I should really start toning my arms. Yeah, I’ll start that tomorrow. Maybe I’d feel better wearing my white lacey shirt that has sleeves. Then again, white is easily stained by cover up. Fuck this. My friends are blasting old-school rap in the living room of our tiny apartment and I remember that it’s a perfect summer night. I’m excited. My roommate comes in asking about her pink skirt. She uses the word “clingy” but she looks dope. I tell her that as I twirl around in my outfit. I complain because I accidentally look like a cowgirl, but then we decide we love it and take pictures with a straw hat.
All that up there, it’s normal. For us, at least. But what about for a drop dead gorgeous model like Melissa Stetten? Sound familiar? She’s the girl that got famous when she live-tweeted that actor dude’s drunk attempts to hit on her. That married, “sober,” father of two, Christian actor dude, I mean.
I heard about her blog and was so close to continuing on through the interwebs without even taking a glance. A model that blogs. I’m sure it’s all very charming, really. I bet she’s lovely, but I think I’ll move along now. Actually, no, I’m curious so I type the URL and start reading.
“Every time I walk through publishing offices like the ones at the Conde Nast or Hearst buildings I imagine if the girl working at her cubicle wearing heels and a short skirt is even as remotely envious of me as I am of her. I would love to be a successful young woman with an important job and she would probably like to be taller, thinner, and prettier.”
I was hooked. I read until it was time to put on my work apron. She’s so…honest. Shit. This model girl is like, normal. Her writing is detailed, sincere, and even dark. She’s sometimes so cynical in describing her experiences it’s appalling. Melissa’s words aren’t artificial. She’s aware of the awesomeness that is being a model and she’s not at all modest. She’s also felt the devastations that go along with it and writes candidly about that. I bet you’re wondering why this matters.
I’m not saying that someone else’s adversity is cool. No no no no no. I’m sharing this because here’s an example of the girl everyone wants to be. She knows it, and she decided to bare even her more vulnerable moments. She’s like, “HELLO! We all have a lot to learn, here!” See what I mean? Cool chick alert!
“I had a guy pick me up on his motorcycle a few days ago to eat cupcakes. It was an amazing two hours but now I’m back here wondering when the next guy is going to come along and be my prince charming that I don’t even fucking need. It’s a cycle that I don’t know how to break and it makes me resent modeling. Why didn’t I just stay in college and have a normal job like everyone one else? Why do I need to prove myself to people I don’t even care about that I’m pretty and I can be in magazines. What kind of sick self-loathing narcissistic woman am I? I don’t know. I really have no fucking clue.”
Hey Melis, stop beating yourself up!
You so just thought that, didn’t you? Should you be taking your own advice, miss reader?
I don’t know about these guys she talks about, but I’m positive I’d read any book this girl wrote. She’s the bee’s knees, but why is she questioning herself when she is so clearly talented? It makes me wonder about all of us not giving ourselves enough credit. I’d bet it’s because we’re too busy being viciously critical. I mean, here’s a girl who, again, models for designers like Diane Von Furstenwhatever, and even she does it. Can we all address this problem and tackle it, like, ASAP?
Easier said, but recognition is a start. For some of us, being in our 20s is about building a stronger sense of self-worth. It means you have a good idea of the wonderful person you are, but with a lot to still be discovered. Right? Right.
“I’m misunderstood, and I’m not looking for sympathy because I’m a fucking strong person like Beyonce and can handle shit, but I feel like I get judged too soon because I have blue eyes and I’m genetically tall.”
Guys, I’m fucking strong like Beyonce and Melissa, too. And sometimes I feel misunderstood and I’m not the only one. I’m beginning to think maybe even Beyonce has felt that way once or twice. Probably once. Whatever. Sometimes I’m so sure of myself. Other times my confidence plummets down into Hell and I’m left on Earth feeling empty as a black hole. That sounded glum but I think I’m on the right track. I know all the potential I have but it’s me against the world right now.
We 20-somethings are young. It’s tough at times but we’re keeping it real. We’re focused on that triumphant moment when we can finally plant our flags some place in the universe and we’re still having a blast. Because we’re young.
“Honestly, I get excited when I see myself in a magazine, but after 3 minutes of joy my subconscious turns on me and tells me being pretty in a picture is hardly an accomplishment. I like to draw a dick in my mouth because that’s never not funny.”
Niiice. Check out her blog, Pretty Bored.
- CNN: Hey guys!!! Guys!!! Did you guys hear about that married actor Brian Presley hitting on that model Melissa Stetten on a flight?!
- Twitter: ...
- Tumblr: ...
- Rest of the Internet: ...
- CNN: Yeah! She totally live-tweeted the whole thing! That shit's crazy, right?!
- Twitter: ...
- Tumblr: ...
- Rest of the Internet: ...
- CNN: Yeah, this is totally huge news! I mean! I just heard about it! Isn't this amazing?!?111!?!one!!1?!
- Twitter: ... Is this guy being serious?
- Tumblr: *squints*
- Tumblr: Can't tell if stupid... or serious...
- Twitter: I don't know. This guy is just about as bad as...
- Facebook: HeY GAiz!!!11!!1!!!! DiD U ToEtUlLY HeRe aBoUt ThAt tWeEtAr thING?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!
- CNN: Oh hey Facebook!!! Did you hear about the twitter scandal?!!??!
- Twitter: Who the fuck let them in here?
- Tumblr: Where the fuck's the salt?
- Rest of the Internet: Fucking cancer...
‘No thanks, Brian, the actor sitting next to me on this flight talking about his role with Kurt Russell and his spiritual beliefs’
‘Brian is now talking about how he is an artist and believes everything happens for a reason, like how we’re brought together on this flight’
‘Apparently Brian is a straightforward guy from Oklahoma who booked a McDonalds commercial when he was 19 and then God took over from there’
‘Brian hates closed minded people but loves artists in the industry, and just called this one-sided conversation a “collabo” between us’
‘Oh wow, Brian grew up on a ranch with uber conservative parents but his stance on gay marriage is ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz….’
‘Brian just said “like us sitting here right now, talking about where we’re from, it’s like divine interception.” right, interception’
‘Brian asked what I do for a living. I said model. He said “oh I love meeting other artists like myself”
‘Brian just finished working on a movie with Matthew McConaughey who inspired his “craft” immensely being a small town boy like himself’
‘Yes, this is BRIAN! RT @Pat_Healy: @MelissaStetten Is this him by any chance? http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0696169/’
‘He said he was engaged for 6 months but broke it off! RT @Pat_Healy: @MelissaStetten Ask him how his wife Erin and son Jackson are’
‘Brian likes going back home to Oklahoma to inspire the less fortunate to become “artists” like himself’
‘Brian just took his Heineken in a plastic cup into the bathroom. Will report back shortly’
‘Holy s***, Brian came out of the bathroom WITHOUT his wedding ring on. Watch out Virgin America, you’ve got a real charmer on board.’
‘Brian is back, he just ordered the chicken salad sandwich’
‘Brian’s been looking for the headphone jack for 10 minutes’
‘Brian asked if I saw Book of Mormon. I said yes. He said he wanted to get into theater when he was a rodeo boy back in ‘Homa (oklahoma)’
‘Brian said he was engaged to another actress but it didn’t work out because they didn’t “mesh well” together’
‘Holy s**t. He’s had 3 heinekens and is wasted. Sober? Hardly. RT @PlaidMcPlatypus: did you say he was drinking beer?’
‘Did I just ruin Brian Presley’s life via twitter?’
‘Who opens the windows on a redeye flight? Brian does. F***ing Brian’
So i was thinking back to that time that Melissa Stetten was on that plane and that Brian guy was being a total douche.. remember that?
And so for s&gs I decided to type into google “Fucking Brian” ‘cause you know..
And the first thing that came up was a wikipedia page
So i’m like omg awesome there’s actually a wiki page for this.. but then i continued reading
Motherfucking Dane Cook.