I'm the New Kid

So, Nurse Boyfriend has been gone for nearly three weeks now. This means we still have another eight weeks (at least) apart. This explains my motivation for making a tumblr. I’ve been lonely these couple weeks and I’ve been trying to find a good place to reach out to other military girlfriends/fiancees/wives (the cool kids call them “MilSOs”) and haven’t had much luck. I’ve joined things like facebook groups, forums specifically for MilSOs and the like, but I feel like I can’t connect with anyone. I have a few theories as to why.                                        

                                             One. He is an officer. 

I’ve come to learn that this means he has it way better than the enlisted in terms of lifestyle and what he has to do. He’s in San Antonio for BOLC (Basic Officer Leadership Course) with all the other nursing/medical guys and gals. He’s staying in a hotel, he has his phone on him and we can skype on occasion. He’ll be “in the field” for a couple weeks later on where he won’t have his phone and whatnot, but he gets weekends off. Anyways, from what I’ve found, a majority of women in these online groups I’ve found have boyfriends/fiances/husbands that are deployed. So I feel like I can’t complain about missing him when I do get to talk to him most days. But I feel that anyone can miss someone, no matter how long they’ve been apart for.

I’ve also found that with him being an officer, lots of things that are “free so and so for military” don’t mean him. He makes too much. Which I guess all in all isn’t terrible, but I don’t know why they need to have rules like that. Believe me, all this army money people keep talking about has been no where to be seen as of yet and won’t be for a couple more weeks. We’re really no better than we were in Grand Forks execpt I’m living at home so I don’t need much, but I gave him a decent chunk of my last paycheck and his family also had to give him money to get down there. He won’t be reimbursed for his travel expenses for maybe another month. So, no, we don’t have money. 

                                            Two. Girls are Bitches.

You know it’s true. They get catty and mean, whether it’s to your face or behind your back. This seems to be especially true with military wives and fiancees talking down to military girlfriends. While I haven’t experienced this personally, I see so many posts talking about it. From what I’ve gathered, wives (and the occasional fiancee) get so wrapped up in thinking that because they signed a piece of paper, wear a ring, and they have a military ID, no one else could possibly actually love someone in the military. Now, I can understand the younger ones and the ones that have only been together for a few months, but keep your comments to yourself. You were probably there once yourself. If you happen upon a girl who you don’t like and don’t agree with, you don’t have to say anything. I will admit, I get annoyed at the girls in their teens who are married or engaged to their ‘man in uniform’ and blah blah blah. To me, high school relationships are meant to stay in high school. I learned this lesson the hard way. But hey, if you’re willing to make it work, more power to you. I wish you luck.

But in the end, we all have something in common; we’re all dealing with the distance and the uncertainty. If you’re willing to pick up and move, you wait on edge for weeks to figure out where they’re moving you to. And you just go with it. You start over and find new friends. This is where I worry and don’t understand why we can’t all help each other out. No one likes being the new kid. This is where I will also admit that I am one of the last people to reach out to the “new kid”. I know, I’ve been a new kid myself several times, but I just am not the most bubbly happy let’s-be-friends kind of person you’ll ever meet. A majority of the posts I’ve seen on these MilSO sites are looking for help with things I haven’t experienced yet. This is another reason I think I’m having a difficult time with all this.

                                          Three. I’m the New Kid

I’m still learning what everything is in the military world. Zane still forgets this sometimes and will start rattling off acryonyms and talking about so and sos rank. Even after well over a year together, I still don’t really know what’s going on. (This probably means I shouldn’t get mad when he doesn’t remember what I’m talking about when I say something about the MD that the SPC put out for our CWA.) I’m also not all that familiar with the different ranks and who’s higher up than who and why it matters. Most girls know a majority of these things and I’m sure I’ll get there one day, but for now, it’s frustrating. It’s a totally new language.

My stubbornness doesn’t do me any favors here, either. I told Zane when we started talking about the idea of me coming with him and our future together that I wasn’t interested in being a part of some wives club or being in charge of all of the stereotypical military spouse shit. I don’t want the things that I’ve found to be true on the internet to end up being transferred into real life. That meaning the clique-iness and all. Again, I don’t know if that will be the case, but in a few books I’ve read about being a military spouse, it does happen.

I also don’t want to just be a housewife. This has easily been my biggest personal struggle during all of this. I decided to up and leave school to move 1,500 miles away to be with him. I want to go back to school, and lucky for me there’s a school that has an atmospheric science program about an hour away, but we won’t be able to afford the out of state tuition. I don’t know what I’m going to do for a year. I hate the thought of me sitting around playing Susie Homemaker. I’ve always wanted more for myself. This isn’t to say women who choose to be full time wives are selling themselves short; you have to do what you have to do to be happy. Since I was four, I’ve wanted to do something with weather. I feel like I’ll be letting myself down if this doesn’t happen. But I also realize that me trying to have a career and move with the military isn’t really in the cards. I realize that I’ve kind of had a bad attitude about this aspect of it, but it really is something I’m still struggling with. I know that I can’t say I don’t like something if I haven’t given it a fair shot, but this is a tough one. I’ve really been trying to show him that I’m trying to be supportive and jump into this whole thing. I got a bumper sticker (It takes a soldier to love a princess) and a tshirt (Who needs prince charming when you’re in love with a soldier) and those have made him very very happy. 

I feel as if I’ve gotten very off topic here. Anyways, what I’m getting at is that I’m not good at being new. I don’t like to join in just because I feel pressure to and like it’s the only way I’ll make friends and I’m hesitant to give things a fair chance once I’m in the wrong mindset. 

I would like to find people who are currently living/will be living near Fort Bragg. I’ve been doing apartment searches and I’ve found some that I like but he keeps telling me that he’s heard horror stories about actually living in Fayetteville and that the surrounding communities are the place to be. This is difficult because Fayetteville isn’t all that big and it’s been kind of a stuggle to find places there due to shit websites/misinformation. Go outside of there and there’s nothing. It’s just nervewracking to have to just be okay with showing up and looking for a place and deciding so quickly. I mean, we will be there for a few years. What if it totally sucks? 

Sigh. 

I think that’s all I’ve got on that whole ‘why Missy can’t seem to find girls in her same position’ rant. 

I should really just focus on getting to the end of BOLC first. 55 more days.

Has anyone gone through Field Artillery BOLC in Fort Sill, OK?

What can you tell me?

My boyfriend will be going sometime after graduation/commissioning. I know he’s still learning a lot of the details and I don’t want to bug him.

Would it be worth me moving out there with him or will I just be in his way while he’s doing BOLC stuff? 

Can he live off base with me? 

What did you think of Fort Sill and the area around it?