TRIGGER WARNING: Body Image Issues
I’ve quit my smut habit for the time being.
I have followed a large amount of smut on Tumblr for quite some time, but I’ve noticed that I’ve gone from being meh, but ok and in my own right, fine with myself to feeling like I want to wither away and disappear.
I cannot shake a self-loathing that borders on debilitating and crippling. I, no joke, HATE myself. I can’t look at myself in the mirror. I can’t even stand the sight of myself. I walk around, most of the time, cursing my actual physical existence.
Now I know, for a fact, that my mental illness is out of control right now, as are my hormones. I’ve gone to the doctor and I’m actively getting my shit together, but I am just…
I am not going to sit here and blame porn for all my mental problems or get upset that porn is produced and so on because, for reals, I am a fan of porn and sexytimes images.
But I can’t look at it right now. I can’t not feel BAD I don’t look like the women in the images I see and it’s doing my head in. I feel like an asshole because I talk this talk about fat acceptance and general body acceptance and I can’t apply it to myself.
But to also ignore that seeing these lithe and perfect, Photoshopped bodies all day, and not to mention, non-diverse women, may be scrambling my brains would be remiss.
So. I clicked through and unfollowed all of it.
Let’s see how this goes.
A Completely Random Thought
I feel that people who have studied (or are familiar with) art history have a healthier viewpoint on the concept of “female beauty” and body image issues. When you study art from the time of cave paintings until now, you’ll see that full-figured women have been the ideal up until about the 1960s. This is because it’s a symbol of health, abundant food, and fertility. I think that people who are formulating their concept of “what beauty is” entirely from magazines, television shows, models, and celebrities of today have a much more narrow, warped view on what beauty is, because their frame of reference is so much smaller. So the next time you’re feeling down about your body, go look at some Rubens (where the term ‘Rubanesque’ comes from), Raphael, or Botticelli paintings. :)
This is for the people who are ashamed of their bodies:
- My breasts are small
- My stomach is not flat
- My thighs touch
- I have stretch marks
- I have scars all over from cutting
- I have chubby cheeks
- I have a big nose
- I have a big forehead
- I’m only 5’1”
- I have bad acne
You know what though? I’m beautiful. I’m a good person and I deserve to treat myself with respect. Remember those negative things I said? Well, here’s some positive things:
- I have pretty eyes
- I have long eyelashes
- I have nice lips
- I have good hair
- I try my best to always make others happy
- I’m funny
- I’m outgoing(most of the time)
- I look great in red lipstick
- I know how to walk fabulously in heels
- I’M ME
Ladies and gentlemen, we only have one life to learn to love ourselves. Let’s get to it so we can spend the rest of our time on Earth being happy :]