Journal Entry for Documentation Purposes--Don't Read If You Don't Like Emo Shit.

Stuff I Knew

1.  I’m really good at reading between the lines.  I’m basically a Sherlock when it comes to words—I can tell what you’re feeling and why based upon both the letters and the spaces in between them.  I may not call you out on things, because I’m too shy or polite, but I tuck the intel away for future reference.

2.  I believe that age is important.  If you are older than me, I will respect you—by right.  if you are younger than me, then, well, I’ll buy you stuff and drive you places and cook for you, but you sure as hell better do what I say when I say it.

3.  Reading good stuff is important, but there’s no harm in reading junk either.  Game of Thrones and Twilight have their place in literature, just as much as War and Peace and Catch 22.  I like to go back and forth between lit-veggies and lit-pizza in my diet.  

4.  While love at first sight may exist, love at first read does not.  You have to actually meet a person, see the way the breath leaves his body when he catches something interesting, or feel the veins in his neck start to pop when he is angry, or smell the stain of traffic on his clothes when he comes home—all before you can honestly say you’ve fallen in love with him.  Prior to that, it’s all sentimental delusion.

5.  Beards are a no.  Not sexy.  Ever.  Stahp.

6.  If you say sorry, and you actually mean it, chances are, the other person is going to forgive you.  Being genuine and frank go a long way with good people.  And if being genuine and frank gets you nowhere, well, chances are, s/he’s not a good person worth your efforts anyway.

7.  It’s rude to be rude.  There’s nothing wrong with bending to be kind.  There’s always a nicer way to say something and still be truthful.  It’s called tact and it’s always worth the effort.  You not only catch more flies with honey, but you can also feel good about giving those poor flies a few seconds of sweet bliss before killing them.  

8.  There’s no such thing as destiny or fate or soulmates.  We are a product of the choices we make and nothing more.  Our paths will intersect and based upon infinite variables over which neither of us can exert any control.  We will share our lives or we won’t. 

Stuff You Taught Me

1.  I assume things way too easily.  I am presumptuous and arrogant when it comes to what I think I can read between the lines.  I read into your silence, your diction, your paragraph structure and I overanalyze the shit out of things.  I bring so much baggage to the table, it’s impossible for me to read anything without saddling each word with my bias and insecurities.

2.  Age may be important, but wisdom is dispositive.  You can be my elder even if you are younger than me.  I will admire you and respect you and learn from you if you have truth to share.  The most important statistic by your name isn’t your age, but your intelligence.  You outstripped me in vocabulary, art, and pain, even though you were junior to me.  I would have called you Oppa.  

3.  Reading good stuff cannot be overemphasized.  And reading junk is just as bad for you as eating brownies everyday.  I never realized how much influence reading good literature could have until I started reading the books you told me about.  I’ve never felt more motivated to write that novel than I do after reading the words you shoved in front of me.  

4.  Pen pals are no joke.  Computers give a whole new meaning to the word “screen.”  It’s more than just a monitor through which we can view the interwebs, it’s deceptive in what it claims to hide.  Truth is, I revealed more to you through the anonymity afforded by the “screen” than I did to my family, my husband, or my dogs.  And somewhere along the way, I probably fell in love with you too.  Fuck me.

5.  Wow.  You look terrible without facial hair.

6.  Sorry isn’t always sufficient.  It sucks but there it is.  Sometimes, extenuating circumstances prevent resolution of things—even after you die.  Movies and books are so horrible—they trick you into believing that closure is not just a possibility, but an inevitability.  Truth is, some wounds remain open until they either kill you or you learn to live with them.

7.  Rude may be rude, but it may also be necessary.  Calling people out may make everyone feel uncomfortable, but it takes a certain strength of character to do it anyway.  Also, lessons dealt as a slap on the wrist have a tendency to fade way faster than the blows that helped me become the person I am.

8.  There’s no such thing as soulmates destiny fate, blah blah blah. Check.  But there is such a thing as regret.  True regret.  The kind that eats away at your fingernails at 8:32 p.m., when the sun is still trying to make up its mind about setting or sticking around a bit longer to watch you beat yourself up before going to bed—a place you almost never hop into anymore with the kind of relief you once did, only because it’s the site of self-flagellation and the excoriation of what “could have been.”

Stuff I Know

I could have taught you a thing or two.