Entitlement and Black patriarchy
Its funny watching Black men apply shit to Black women that only (or mostly) comes with white-womanhood so they can deny Black patriarchy and not be accountable for the oppression of Black women. These same dudes and their confusion ends when its time reaffirm the oppressive, anti-Black woman stereotypes to vilify Black women and rubbish any difference that exists between Black men and women. Making Black men uncomfortable is more of crime than the beaten, hurt bodies and minds of Black women and girls. We must never mention oppression that doesn’t fit their neat little agendas and narratives of Black subjugation. Leave out the parts where Black people are agents in Black oppression
Their amnesia between the difference between Black women and white women ends and they know every insult; every oppressive ideal; every idea created by white supremacy about Black womanhood.
And then Black women become responsible for everything that has ever gone wrong in the Black community. We created white supremacy to oppress our selves and our womahood has somehow bucked the historic trend to bring us protection we’ve never had. Our womanhood is suddenly treated as real and our womanhood being deny has never existed and or has ended because someone that isn’t a Black woman says so. They’re Black and they own and can speak on all forms and experiences of Blackness. No entitlement there
Too many Black men act like because they haven’t had the power over Black womanhood white men have, that’s some how oppression. Black women owe it to them to be oppressed and give them our bodies. Our oppression is meaningless because they haven’t had what white men did and do.
We have to “wait.” We have to live our freedom threw them and be happy with the crumbs we get cast because the white man “took” what was “rightly” theirs [insert something about Africa, Queens and throw the word Nubian around].
“I’m a Black man” and no other Black person that isn’t a Black man (cis het may i add) matters. Your Blackness is the only one that’s real or degraded. We’re a “distraction” from “Black liberation.”
“Fundamentalist Christian thinking about gender roles had been deeply embedded in the social thought of black folks from slavery on into freedom. That rhetoric joined with the patriarchal rhetoric of conservative black nationalism, reinforcing in the minds and hearts of black males and females alike that male domination of women should be the norm. Ironically, the insistence that patriarchy would heal the wounds inflicted by white supremacy and racial terrorism gained momentum at precisely that historical moment when affluent white women were telling the world that all was not well in the homes of Dick and Jane. Domestic violence, incest, depression, and all manner of addiction and mental illness were identified as the plight white females suffered in affluent marriages. Concurrently, feminist movement made it possible for more men than ever before in our nation to protest the way patriarchal masculinity crippled the psyches and souls of men. Progressive white men questioning patriarchy were not listened to by black males who wanted patriarchal power. The equation of power with self-esteem was the faulty thinking that would ultimately trap black males.”—bell hooks
if you think black men facing oppression is the fault of black feminists
then you have quite a bit of learning left to go before you call yourself an activist of any sort. you don’t even need to read black feminist writing to understand how stupid that accusation is.
just read practically anything to do with critical race theory!
what are you? moynihan in a black body?
let go of the white supremacist hype.
And to anon, I would ask you to examine why you feel that you as a black man need to exclusively lead a household that is composed of two adults. Is it because you feel incompetent in other areas of your life? Is it because you have a low self esteem? It is because you feel “emasculated” by white supremacy and therefore need to have a black woman underneath you in order to feel good about yourself?
It’d be one thing to lead a household that is comprised of just children and 1 adult. But to say you’re going to lead a house when clearly there are two capable grown folks there is ludicrous.
I believe in equality. And when men outrightly don’t I figure it’s because of some internal issues that they need to solve on their own…. some self-esteem stuff that believe me you won’t fix just by running a woman’s life and her letting you do it.
and why is it that to sexist black men getting rid of black patriarchy = pushing black men to the side?
equality = pushing men to the side … a man and a woman being equal means pushing black men to the side …
they literally cannot even deal with the thought of ever being equal to a woman.
that’s a scary thing isn’t it patriarchal men? to imagine a world where you’re treated how women currently are. even though that’s definitely not what feminism is. at all.
I remember when the term ‘lighty’ was heavily used in London often out of praise, excitement that you could essentially be dating a light skinned girl. I remember in secondary school, people exclusively talking about wanting light skinned children, people talking about the tone of skin they want their partners to have and girls confessing to the usage of bleach- and it was so normalised, something so repulsive, so degrading was simply said, nobody flinched an eyelid. They’ve put a certain aesthetic on an extremely tall pedestal without realising it. It was a survival tactic. This is what you were meant to do, this is how you were meant to be…to survive in a world that says lighter is often ‘better’.
Yes, something as stupid, as menial as the hue of someone’s skin, something as unchangeable could be used to demonstrate worthiness, whether men should pay attention to you. Having dark skin will never be a negative thing. Narrow racist sexist horrific beauty standards are a negative thing.
I find it simply horrific debasing massive groups of women because of factors they cannot change. People will go out of their way to write hateful and crude messages directed at dark skinned girls, plus size girls etc but it’s okay because it’s a ‘preference’ right. A preference that involves dragging those who don’t fit your standard of beauty down? Isn’t it a bit more than that?
It takes a lot of time to unlearn it. Takes that time to take that spoon you’ve been feeding on out. For our own sanity
Here’s to the new century tho yeah?
You Who Do Not View Me as Your Equal Will Never Be My King
Black Patriarchy & Womanism
I was reflecting on two things: 1) Why I identify as Black feminist and womanist, 2) Angie Stone’s song “Brotha”.
Womanism as defined by Alice Walker who coined the term can be found here:
A woman who loves other women, sexually and/or nonsexually. Appreciates and prefers women’s culture, women’s emotional flexibility (values tears as natural counterbalance of laughter), and women’s strength. Sometimes loves individual men, sexually and/or nonsexually. Committed to survival and wholeness of entire people, male and female. Not a separatist, except periodically, for health.
If this is part of the definition of womynism, I wonder why so many womyn, particularly heterosexual women, seem to forget that the womynist is “committed to the survival and wholeness of the entire people, male and female” (and non-gender binary/genderqueer, where’s that?).
Black feminist and womanist are IDs that are oftentimes used interchangeably, but this what I thought the difference was:
The Black feminist, I feel, is not caught up in her love and appreciation of the Black man, she is not caught up in love period though criticizes because she loves. The Black feminist is unyielding in her criticism of the abusive and subjugating system of Black male patriarchy. The Black feminist does not overlook intersectionality. The Black feminist does not turn to whites and she does not turn to other womyn or people of color for their opinions about and interpretations of her life but looks at her own life experiences for the truth and for validation.
But looking at the definition of womanism now, I kinda don’t see that much of a difference. However, I wonder how it came to be that love is somehow interchangeable with blind devotion, which is what I feel Angie Stone’s song “Brotha” exhibits? I don’t think Alice Walker meant blind devotion and slavishness when she talks about “loving individual Black men”, I think that this wording was very intentional: meaning you don’t have to love all men and the things they do to be a womanist. Why make the distinction?
Black men’s track record with embracing feminism and supporting and understanding Black women today remains unimpressive to me. I view them overall as a group dedicated to achieving white male power or as close to it as they can get.
I used to really like Angie Stone’s song. Now I give the extreme side-eye whenever I think about it or cross it on my little mp3 player. Not only is the song extremely heterosexist, it starts off as follows:
He is my King, He is my one
Yes he’s my father, Yes he’s my son
I can talk to him, cuz he understands
Everything I go through and everything I am
That’s my support system, I can’t live without him
The best thing since sliced bread,
Is his kiss, his hugs, his lips, his touch
And I just want the whole world to know, about my [chorus]
This song is just one in a long line of soul and R&B songs by both male and female artists that posits Black wimmin as slavishly devoted to Black men, no matter what they do, creating this ideal image of Black men’s relationships to Black wimmin.
So no, Angie Stone, I will not be professing my love of Black men in neo-soul lyrical ballad even if it is true that within this need for justice, within this anger and hurt I truly do love my people, including the men who participate in oppressing me. Even if there are a few “good ones”, I have yet to meet any of them.
No Angie Stone, I will not be calling any man who does not view me as his equal ‘my king’.
No Angie Stone, I will not claim the man who abandoned my twin sister and I when we were three and did nothing to help us.
No Angie Stone, I will not give Black men credit for “understanding me” when for the majority of them, this is the furthest thing from the truth.
No Angie Stone, I do not want the whole world to know that Black men and their sons have talked down to me, called me angry, bitter, a bitch, a ho, a chickenhead, a piece of meat, some rip, hostile, ugly, less than women of other races. I do not want the whole world to know that Black men have shamed me, for speaking up for myself and others, because of my hair and because of my weight. I do not want the whole world to know that though I would prefer to be with a man of my own race, I do not want many of them because they do not want me for I will not place my head beneath their foot and because I do not have the coveted “Latina booty” and complexion, “Asian petiteness”, straight or curly “white girl hair”, a tiny waist, or other markers of the erotic and exotic. No I do not want to tell the whole world that Black men do not admire and respect my intelligence and spirit and they value Black children in so far as they serve a utility or resemble white children with good hair.
No Angie Stone, he is not my support system and I will continue to survive and live despite his efforts to destroy me and in doing so destroy himself.
I love how whenever black women get together and stand up for themselves everybody and their moms wanna come and blame that shit on black women.
Rappers need to stop shittin on dark girls in their music = it’s black women who made the rappers that way.
Black girls need to be given more respect in the media = black girls need to have respect for themselves.
Absent fathers need to step up to the plate = black women need to stop being bitter welfare queens.
Dark skinned women need more roles in movies = dark skinned women just don’t try as hard to get roles as light skinned women.
Sooooo much fucking bullshit I just can’t even with life sometimes.
Everybody wants black women to take responsibility for themselves, yet that apparently doesn’t apply to anyone else.