three carbs

“Garcon, I’ll take three of your finest carbs!” she said aristocratically, waving her hand in the air and grimacing at her waiter.

“Yes madame, would you like anything else?” he inquired as politely as possible.

“No, three carbs is my limit, boy!” She responded sharply. “But you could use the fourth!”

She laughed triumphantly with her table as the waiter looked down at his sunken stomach. “I have a high metabolism,” he muttered under his breath. 

“Now listen here, boy, a man like you will never make a suitable husband. You simply don’t have the hips of a man, and your arms are too slim to chop firewood!” she howled from across the restaurant. Men and women began to glance over at the waiter sympathetically. “Three carbs a day is the appropriate diet, boy! Three carbs a day!” 

The entire crowd watched as the waiter retreated to the kitchen, saddened and embarrassed. The woman laughed with her table and searched for approval from the rest of the restaurant. Suddenly, a beautiful sorceress bursted through the kitchen doors and glided over to the malicious old woman. She sat in awe of the magical creature’s beauty, stuttering to construct a response. Finally, the sorceress spoke. ”I am the boy you insulted, and I’ve come to punish your cruelty towards my outward appearance. Your vainness and black heart have hurt many innocent people.” She rose her wand and inhaled, ready to cast a spell on the old woman. 

“WAIT!” the old woman screamed. “I’m not who you think I am either.” She lifted her sleeve to reveal a tattoo reading “I wanna be sedated” in cursive. 

“Oh my GOD” the sorceress beamed. “That is so punk rock.” 

orangemuses

mina is my dumb older brother that i’ve always wanted and i wish calculus was a tangible thing so i can kick its ass for messing w/ mina’s life u know. he’s a good guy who’s always positive and happy and get so passionate about everything he’s a v interesting person to me and i dig it a lot. :^)