Insert Bad Fanfiction, Recieve iPhone
Due to various circumstances, I have found myself in possession of two iPhones, when I only need one. I could just give one away or sell it, but where’s the fun in that?
No, I can do better. I am offering up my spare iPhone 4S to whoever can write the worst possible opening line to the worst possible crossover fanfic.
whenever I’m just browsing the internet I listen to the same dramatic reading of a badfic over and over again
I’ve heard this guy read this fic like 20 times now in its entirety
if you’re ever looking to pass the time, you should check it out, because he’s hilarious, the fic is hilarious, and it’s well worth it
AND NOW, A DRAMATIC READING OF YAMI HAD AN ACCIDENT BY KELSEYALICIA
It’s a New Day
The heavens had never been painted with such brilliant as well as spectacle shades and hues of the most majestic colors you could ever hope too image. The celestial winds felt as soothing as a mother’s touch on her newborn skin. A magnificent snow white bird soared effortlessly leaving a glittering rainbow across the skies as it sang in a dreamy voice.
He was happily watching all this laughing without a care on a cloud. Cradle beneath his wings leaning his head against his chest was little Yugi. His heart inside his chest fluttered like a butterfly first emerging from its cocoon from the boy sweet touch. He felt at peace that nothing could ruin this sweet and prefect moment.
Out of the blue the dreamy landscape was drastically altered as the skies became as black as tar and blood poured with white lighting flashing dangerously all around them. He tried to pull Yugi closer too him but the boy then slipped all the way through his fingers as if he were a ghost plummeting too raging vortex underneath.
“YUGI!” He went to spread his wings to save him and was shocked too see only blood-spattered stumps. “NO!” he cried as Yugi screamed a voiceless scream as the swirling torrent of bleeding darkness swallowed him whole and exploded like a red giant. The whole world them became a devastated inhospitable environment as the life was stolen from it in a single second. A malicious chortle was heard echoing vociferously in the deathly silence of the destroyed dream as the young prince body became so besieged by the raging feelings he explode into smithereens.
“YUGI, NO! AHH!” screamed Yami as he woke with a cold sweat. His heart was racing fast and his breathing was intense. He never experienced anything like this before. Never had he had such a dream that it made his body act in response like this. If he wasn’t so bewildered by all the things happening to him, he be in reality be in awe, by the fact his body was having such unusual sensations. They were so different from the customary deadened in addition to purposelessness he had become accustomed too having.
“Yami? You ok? What’s the matter? You’re screaming like someone was killing you. Here have some water,” Yugi said as he gave him a glass of water. Yami swallowed it all as fast as lightning. Then he placed his trembling white hands on Yugi face and just cradled his face.
“Are you ok, little one? You’ve not been harmed?” he asked in such a way Yugi thought he was going to have a heart attack. Kneeling beside Yami he took his hands into his and placed them over his heart. “I’m all right, my friend. You’re having a nightmare is all. It’s over now just settle down and take a deep breath ok?”
“It felt so real. Like someone was trying to rip me apart from the inside. The pain was so excruciating I felt like I was going to explode. I couldn’t tell what was real and what wasn’t,” Yami told him shamefully with his head hung low.
“Yami we’ll have bad dreams. But what’s important too remember we’re the ones in control of the dream. Dreams can’t hurt you in less you let them,”
“Mahad once told me dreams are sustained by one’s memories of their waking life. The first part of my dream was happy then it was shattered like a stain glass window. I wish I paid more attention in my lessons. I would’ve have been able too determine what this dream meant,” he replied bitterly
“One who is “Mahad” and two dreams don’t always mean something, Yami. Sometimes a dream is just that a dream. Nothing more and nothing less,”
“Mahad is one of my father’s …employees. He the only one I could really have a discussion with next to my older cousin Seto. On the other hand neither could be of assistance to me with my predicament. They were as unable to help me as I am to help myself, to alter my cursed fate,” he sighed miserably then got a weird look on his face.
“Yugi I’m feeling a very weird feeling involving my legs. It’s very soggy and smells ghastly. What’s going on?”
“Oh boy. Yami, I think you wet your bed. Come on get up let’s see,” he said as he helped the young teen up and indeed the young prince had soiled himself and the bed as result of his nightmare.
“Oh this is so humiliating! Never in my life have I’d this happen too me. I’d be ruthlessly punished for embarrassing myself in addition to Father in such a sickening manner. How could I’ve leaked such a fowl smelling liquid? I’ve never had this happen before,” he said as he went too the closet door and prepared to shut his hand in it.
Yugi ran too him and stopped him in the nick of time from breaking his hand. “Yami it’s no big deal if you went your bed. Everyone does it at least once in their lives. Many children do it and Joey wet his bed till he was 14! Don’t let him know I told you that. I’m really not that surprised. I mean you drank two pots of tea and three cups of coco and with your nightmare, you just didn’t feel yourself needing to go. Look go too the bathroom and clean yourself up and I clean up your bed ok? Look I’ll meet you in the kitchen in 15 minutes and we’ll have some warm milk it put us both back too sleep ok?”
“Ok Yugi we’ll do as you command. I’m really delighted you’re ok,” he said as he went into the bathroom and the sound of hot water was almost immediately heard. Yugi surpassed his concern as he ripped the sheets off the bed and went to the laundry room.
After Yami had cleaned himself up Yugi tried to get him to go back too sleep seeing how it was 2:00 am. However Yami refused to go to sleep in less he was absolutely in no doubt Yugi was ok. Yugi ended up getting a moth-eaten sleeping bag out of the closet and Yami slept the rest of the night next too Yugi’s bed, in the company of a teddy bear Yugi had also retrieved from the closet.
Todos podemos escribir fanfiction
Haciendo un repaso por el fandom en español y en inglés, uno se topa con muchas sorpresas que no son siempre agradables. A veces parece inevitable preguntarse qué tienen las personas en el fandom en inglés que sus fickers escriben historias que superan en calidad a muchas de las que hay en español. Razones las hay varias, y esto no es escrito con la intensión de encontrar las respuestas a ese porqué. Más bien es una reflexión y una opinión personal de por qué lo que se escribe por parte del fandom en español no es muy bueno.
Badfic iPhone Contest: The Grim Aftermath
The results are in. I received 35 submissions for my badfic contest. Of these, only one can be selected as the victor. Click through to see the horrifying results, but your life may be changed forever.
Content Warning: This list contains implications of bestiality, pedophilia, and the destruction of your childhood memories. Enter at your own risk.