Just updated Size Ain't Everything

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8996876/6/

Chapter 6 – Deal With The Devil

“How did you enjoyed the show, Rachel?

“I found it extremely captivating, especially the song before the final number and the fifth song on the second act, in fact these were my favorites, despised they weren’t nearly as good as the original. Daddy, where’s Dad? I’m tired, may we go back to the cabin.”

“I think he’s in the bathroom sweetie, wait just a little bit.”

Screaming, running, PAMM PAMM, alerts sounds ringing everywhere.

“Daddy, what’s wrong?”

“Run sweetheart, go ruining right through that way, I’m going to get your Dad.”

… PAMMMM

PAAMMM PAAMM

….

….

“Dad, Daddy!”

“Go and stay on the boat Rachel, we need to help the rest of the people.”

“But I don’t want to go withou-“

“You need to do this okay, Rachel? Everything is going to be fine, we will come right after.”

….

PAAMM PAAMMM

“DAD, DADDY!”

When I wake up, I realize I’m begin hugged.

“Relax, everything is okay.” And this someone is whispering things to calm me down.

“B?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m okay.”

“We both know that’s not true.”

“I- “

“Whatever you say, I’m going to pretend that I believe it, even though we both know the true.” She knows me so damn well. “Do you want a glass of water?”

“No thanks.”

“What was it this time?”

“The one that usually is around this time, the ship drowning and they saving the rest of the crew without saving themselves.”

“You shouldn’t resent them for doing it.”

“How can I not Brooke?”

“I don’t know… I just hate seeing you like this.”

“I know. How did you know that I was having a nightmare, do you have cameras in my bedroom or something?”

“No you dumbass, I was making a little night-snack, then I heard you, and came in here.”

“You know, you say Naomi and I eat a lot, but you are the one making night-snacks” She rolls her eyes and smiles. I look at the watch at my nightstand. “It’s still 3:37, can you-“

“Of course. You don’t need to ask stupid. Did you really think I was going to let you go back to sleep alone after that? Really? Even after all the years of friendship?”

We don’t have that many years of friendship but still, that’s why I know I have the best friends ever.

-0-

-0-

You know what flies really fast? A peregrine falcon, some studies indict that it flies over 100 miles per hours, or something like that. For me that’s all a bit dull, because nothing flies faster than time. Someone once told me, time is merely nature’s way of making sure everything doesn’t happen at once. In reality, I probably read that in a book or something, but it sounds so much better say that someone told me. Just imagine, I’m at Starbucks drinking my daily caramel macchiato, and out of freaking nowhere a strange comes and says: “you know, time is merely nature’s way of making sure everything doesn’t happen at once”. Yeah, like that would ever happen.

As I was saying time flies damn fast, except of course, if you’re during a Spanish class, and if Mr. Schuster is your Spanish teacher. Really, he’s so boring that sometimes I caught myself considering the possibly of ripping my arm off just to have something to play with.

I’ve already tried playing with my phone, but got caught and chin-face took it, then I engaged a nice chat with Naomi, guess what happened? He change her seat! Brooke was my last hope but she told me to shut it, because her book was way more interesting. The nerve of that girl! Unfortunately, Noah got sick so he’s nowhere near this junk to entertain me.

Hence, the only thing I can do to keep me sane is start my inner-monologues. So here we go.

It’s been one week since my first day here, things went pretty much at the same pace as the first day. Well not exactly, for example Santana and I are in some short of friendship, I mean really short of. We still continue to tease each other, but now I’ve gained some of her respect. Oh that’s an interesting story.

You see on the second day of class, a few stupid jocks cornered Brittany and started to call her names, such as idiot, dumb blonde, the list goes on, so in short despicable things that only morons can come up with. Fortunately I was walking by with Brooke and Naomi, needless to say Naomi and I taught those guys a lesson. Brooke who is not found of fighting, went looking for Noah, so he could help us. It wasn’t necessary, Naomi and I together in a fight means that nobody stands a chance.

Santana found out about this, and was grateful, at least as grateful as Santana can be. Since then she stopped treating us as if we were shallow and spoiled New Yorkers. I call that improvement.

Speaking of improvement, one thing that hasn’t, is my relationship with Quinn. I still can’t figure out what is going on, I mean, when she sees me flirting with someone I can swear she looks jealous, then when I flirt with her, she rolls her eyes and acts like I’m disgusting or like she is straight as an arrow and was never into me. Bullshit, everybody is into me. Brooke says I have a big head, but really, how can I not? Even her that utterly disapproves my womanizer ways has already made out with me! Okay it was a one-time thing and a long time ago, but she did it.

As I was saying, I’m starting to think Quinn is a bit of cray cray. One thing is play hard to get, other thing is being hard to get, and another is memory lost. She acts as if we could never ever hook up, not even in an alternative universe. Normally I’d understand that, and upper my game, thing is we have already made out, I’ve already gotten to second base with her, so what the fuck is her problem?

Like the day I asked for her phone number, look how it went:

“Crap, something is wrong with my cell phone.”

“Oh really? What is it?”

“It’s just that your number is not in it.”

“Well, I guess it will stay broken then…”

Really, that was a great pick up line and she ruin it! What is even more confusing is that she laughs when I make jokes about the size of her boyfriend’s brain. I suppose if you really liked your boyfriend you wouldn’t do that.

I was planning on hooking up with Quinn again, but she’s not making it easy, so I’m going to move on. At least I got to second base with her. I just wished I could’ve tapped that. Whatever, there is whole sea of cheerios for me to fish. That’s another funny thing I recently discovered, the cheerleaders here are called cheerios, which in British is a friendly way of saying goodbye, and here in US is also the name of a cereal. I have to keep that stuff stocked so latter it can be used as jokes.

Oh, I almost forgot, during this first week I’ve became sort of feared between the jocks, since I kicked their asses not once, but twice. And consequently a bit popular, one because I’m awesome, two because Naomi and I kicked some jocks asses, three because my aunt practically rules this school and everybody is afraid of her. Soon the same will happen to me, with the exception I’ll get to sleep the cheerios. Actually, some of the students are aware that I’m her niece so I’ve them already in the palm of my hand. I’ll have the cheerios too by the end of the month. I’m just waiting to make my big entrance. What can I say, I love a bit drama

So far glee club has been interesting. It’s really a battle of ego in there, but I’ve discovered that some of them are actually nice. Like the gay boy, Kurt.

It’s an improvement that I know his name because, I can’t say the same for the rest of them. All I know is there are two Asians, a kid in a wheelchair – this one is hard to miss -, Quinn’s boyfriend – still don’t know his name, Clint, Flint, Fliin, something like that, and a black girl – though I think she has a car name, Santana calls her Aretha, but Santana also calls Naomi leprechaun…, though I’m pretty sure her name is Toyota… -,. Thank god I know Kurt’s. I suck with names as you can clearly see, which is terrible, because if you sleep with as many girls as I do, you need to be great with names, since I’m not, I get slapped a lot and in uncomfortable situations.

As I was saying Glee club is not that bad, not even close to being good, but there’s some hidden talent in there. One thing I’ve come to realize is that Glee club kids are bullied like hell around here. The jocks throw slushies at them all the time, put them in dumpsters, and all types of shit. That is something I find despicable.

In Trinity there was bullying, like in every other school, but nothing like this. So I’ve made my new mission, make Glee club cool. Well…. At least stop most of the bullying. There are limits for this kind of stuff and the popular crowd here doesn’t know them, hence, I’ll make my personal job to teach them. For example, they keep calling Kurt names just because he rides a unicorn on the rainbow like me. For those who aren’t familiar with that term, riding a unicorn on the rainbow, mean being extremely gay. Anyhow, those Neanderthals are so stupid, I bet at least two of them are far deep in Narnia.

“…So I’d like if pared up with someone you have never done anything with, this is about knowing someone new, make friends, and of course practice your Spanish” Oh that’s Mr. Schuster saying something I probably should’ve been listening, anyway these kind of assignment are a real joke, everyone just ignore the part where you should do with somebody new, and pared with whoever they want. “That’s why I decided to pared you myself, so when your name is called get together with the person so you can discussed the assignment” Oh, so yeah, this is going to suck so bad.

It didn’t completely suck, although Naomi would disagree, she got the brainless guy, aka Quinn’s boyfriend, aka Flinnidiot, Flintidiot or whatever his name is when combined with the word idiot. Brooke got Santana, I had the slightly impression that Mr. Double-chin wanted to put Naomi and Santana together, but his hair gel hasn’t got to his brain yet, so the third worldwide war was avoided. And I got Quinn, which is great, in fact I’m considering buying decent hair products for Mr. Chin-face after such a smart decision.

“So I guess the stars aligned so you and I could meet again.” What can I say, when it comes to some types of girls, I can get my cheesy on, gosh I just sounded a bit like Naomi and Santana.

“Look, let’s make things clear again. I know you enjoy hitting on every single walking person, and think you’re some short of god among people, but I take school seriously, I take life seriously, so could you focus and do this project without flirting with me every five seconds?”

Remember when I said I’ve gained some of Santana’s respect? Well, Quinn didn’t join the club.

“For starters, I hit on every walking vagina, no boys in the equation, and not necessary single, but I figured you’d have gathered that much. Second, who said I don’t take anything thing seriously? I just think this class is a joke, the assignment as well. Not to mention this town. How can you take a place without a Starbucks seriously?”

“Well, almost everyone here needs to work really hard to get to somewhere. I know you don’t understand that, but if you don’t want to help, at least don’t disturb me.”

“You know, you and everybody around here talks as if I’m some shallow spoiled Upper East Side girl, while you don’t really know nothing about me, I really don’t think you would like if I analyzed you and put labels all over.”

“Oh, this is going to be fun. Pray tell me, what you think about me.”

“You ask for it princess. I know your type, I’ve seen tons of girl like you. You have to be miss perfect for daddy, you probably don’t even know what you want in the future, but as long as you make him proud everything is fine. But girls like you have this problem, all full of expectations you get full of tension, and what better way to relive tension than with me?” Okay, I admit, I may have come too strong (no pun intended) but the beauty was getting into my nerves.

“You’re just-“

“Not finish. I bet your moment of wildness with me was your first ever, I could also bet all my collection of jerseys that you were really pissed with your daddy that day, the need to rebel added up with curiosity and a few shots of vodka were enough to get you to almost sleep with me. To sum up, all this HBIC, perfect student, and perfect daughter is all an act, isn’t it? Date the quarterback, be head cheerleader, prom queen, marry your high school sweetheart, and every single existing high school cliché, I bet it was all daddy’s plans. He wants you to be a walking cliché, funny thing is, you just aren’t the cliché he wants you to be. You’re the girl that made out with another girl, got drunk, and done all that just because she was sick of being this out-of-a-high-school-movie blonde. Ironically you’ve just turned yourself into another cliché. My point being, you can say all crap you want about me, but at least I’m doing what I do because I like it, not because someone wants me to, or because someone won’t approve. You should think which one of these sound shallow.”

And that my dearest is how I render the Queen of beauty speechless.

-0-

-0-

-0-

Now is lunch. I kind of like lunch, it’s fun, but today like Naomi would say, “I ain’t for talk”. I need to relax a little, and I know just where to go for that.

Just like I expected, the stoner zone, like in every other school is under the bleachers. There’s three girls and two guys in circle smoking pot.

I take the joint that I brought out of my jacket pocket, and take a long drag. God I was needing this.

“Sup new girl.” One of the guys said

“What?”

“My name is Jeremy.” I take another drag. This stuff is really good.

“And I care because…?”

“Ouch. You lost the round Jer, my turn.” Now the other guy stands ups, and Jeremy goes sit. Oh boys, they think they just have it all.

“Hello, hottie. My name’s Matt, and what’s yours?” Another long drag.

“Not interested.”

“Ow, come on new girl give the guy a try.”

“You two are just stupid, clearly the problem is the guy part.” A blonde girl gets up and is checking me out. She is definitely a nine. Her eyes are blue, nice cleavage, and long legs. Out of the three girls she’s the hottest. “So you’re new…” She says coming close to me.

“And you’re not naturally blonde I guess.” She laughs. Now when I blow off the smoke goes in her face, and she just inhales and takes a drag of her cigarette.

“Sorry dear, but you guessed wrong. My hair is all natural. Thanks for the complement though.”

“I don’t consider congratulation you for stating the obvious as a complement. But take it the way you want.”

“I’d rather take what I want.”

“And what would that be?” I say raising my eyebrows

“Now you just sounded naturally blonde.” I smirk.

“I’m Rachel.”

“Rebecca.”

“So, Rebecca, I’ve always had this question about naturally blondes… are they blonde in all parts?” I arch one eyebrow. If I’m being honest, I’ve already found out the answer to that question a long time ago.

“Well, I’m going to pretend I don’t know you already know the answer, and show you.” Then she threw my joint to one of the other girls, a ginger, and kissed the hell out of me.

She pushed me into the corner of the bleachers, away from her friends.

We made out for a while, and by the looks of it, she like being dominant, well I just couldn’t have that, so I turned us around. I ran my hand through her tights and pulled her up, she wrapped her legs around me, and her hands immediately went to my hair while I kissed her neck. She started moaning as I bit a sensitive spot close her ear.

We have too much clothes on. I lift her up and slowly laid us on the grass ground. When I manage to put her into a sitting position, she pulls me insanely fast over her and again wraps her legs around me. This time though, she rocks her hips with mine, while I bring her back off the ground to unlock her bra. She takes the straps of her shoulder, I throw it somewhere and in a sec I cup her breast under her shirt and start playing with her nipple. Quickly, I raise her shirt and my mouth goes to her other boob.

“Fuck Rachel!” She says as her fingers ran through my hair, messing it even more. Her other hand is now squeezing my ass.

“In a second you will be.” I said taking my face off her boob, she doesn’t let me speak more and put it back.

“Don’t fucking stop.”

Suddenly, out of fucking nowhere the ginger girl comes up.

“Hey, sorry to interrupt, but Bex, can you give us the stuff? Our joint is over, and so is hers. Sorry about that, by the way.”

“Fuck off Kelsey!”

“Come on, Bex. Last time you cockblocked Matt because you wanted a freaking lighter. Get up and give us the stuff, before Emily brings water to throw at you or something.”

I give a dry laugh and get off her. She grows, and before I can stand up, she grabs my face for one last kiss. I let my hand travel back to one of her boobs and give it a light squeeze before I break the kiss. She huffs as she looks at her friend, Kelsey, annoyed. I find her bra and give it back to her.

“Stupid stoner heads.” She complains while putting her bra back on.

“Ow, don’t be like that, darling, we’re going to have plenty of time for that latter.” I said in my British accent. Let’s see if I can turn her on even more.

“You are British? I heard you were from New York. Gosh, you’re so much hotter.” Yep, mission accomplished.

“I’m British, but I lived in New York since I was twelve.”

“Even hotter.” She says coming close to me. We were going to kiss again, when her friend interrupts us, again.

“Don’t even think about it, come on Bex, we want our joint.”

When we got to the rest of her friends she gave them the stuff, and I rolled my weed and made myself another joint.

We spend a long time smoking. I also made out with Rebecca while we were smoking, it was fun because she tasted like cigarette and I tasted like weed. Time has passed, I don’t know how much, but when I hear a familiar voices I know too much time has passed.

“RACHEL BARBRA BERRY! I hope you’re not doing what I think you are. ” Crapppppppp

“Dwarf middle name is Barbra, that’s just perfect.” What the hell is this voice doing here?

Then I see, my amazing best friends, Brittany, Santana and Quinn. What are they doing here? Shit I am too slow. B looks pissed, Naomi not pleased, Brittany confused, Santana very amused and Quinn… my current brain state can’t decipher her expression.

Well to say I was caught red-handed is a hell of an understatement. I’m sitting on the grass, my back rested against the bleachers, holding a half smoke joint in one hand, with Rebecca’s cigarette in my mouth, while she is kissing my neck.

I rapidly take the cigarette off my mouth, take Rebecca’s mouth out of my neck, and hand her the cigarette back.

“My babysitters got here, darling, let’s finish this latter.” I said to Rebecca, because hell, I’m definitely going to tap that.

“Fine.” She kisses me hard one last time, when we break apart she gives my bottom lip a little bite and says as she releases it. “Gosh, I fucking love this accent of yours” Then she takes my iPhone out of my back pocked, types her number, and gives me a little wink as she walks way with her friends doing an extra swing in her hips. Damn, what a back side.

“Could you freaking stop perving for one second we have to talk, Rachel!”

“Sure, what about Brooks?”

“Yentl, stop being a bitch, you’re losing the bit of respect I have for you.”

“Like I care Santana. And don’t fucking call me that.”

“Oh, Miss Barbra is annoyed.”

“I might be high, but I can still kick your ass.”

“I would totally wanna see that.”

“STOP!” This time was Brittany that yelled. “Don’t fight. Rachie, why were you smoking, that can kill you, why would you want to die. I’d be sad if you died.”

“It’s not that Britt.” I stand up and start to walk towards them. “It’s just… I needed to relax a bit, and that just fix it.”

“Why didn’t you talked to me? I could have given you lady kisses, they always help me relax.”

“That’s why she was with that whore B, but apparently she couldn’t do the trick.” That was Quinn, uhhmmm I’m pretty sure that’s jealousy in her voice, I’m stoned, but I’m pretty sure I’m right.

“Jealous much?” I raise my eyebrows at her. It’s supposed to be cocky, but considering my current state I must have looked ridiculous. “Anyway, Britt, in this case, lady kisses can’t be much of a help.”

“What about sexy times?”

Now Naomi was laughing, of course. Brooke was still mad, Santana also didn’t looked happy, but not for the same reasons as Brooke. Quinn didn’t look pleased either.

“Nope, for this stuff, not even that would be able to help much.”

“Oh, is that the stuff that always makes you really sad all the time?” Gosh Britt was a genius, but I couldn’t talk about that stuff here, so I looked at Naomi and Brooke pleading.

“Look, you guys have cheerios practice! Go ahead, while I takes care of our little smoker here.”

“In my defense, the cigarette wasn’t mine.”

“I don’t care. Don’t even think this conversation is over.” With that Brooke walked away with Santana, Brittany and Quinn. Oh I didn’t think I’ve mentioned, but Brooke joined the cheerleading squad. She’s an awesome cheerleader and looks totally hot in that uniform.

“So could you clear something for me, what the hell were them doing here? You and B I expected, but didn’t you think letting them come here would be giving them information?”

“So whats, it’s not like we’re FBI and everything we do is top secret.”

“Well, yeah, but Brittany almost found out.”

“Yeah, she just said that there’s something that makes you sad for Christs sakes.”

“Still-

“Oh shut up Rae. You know I don’t condemn you smoking, I kind of understand why you do it, doesn’t mean I support the shit, though. But get this, I think it’s time for you to deal with something about your pass, and let people in. Don’t think for a second that Brooks didn’t told me about your little nightmare, so it wasn’t hard to know you’d be doing something fuck up today. On that topic, stop doing fuck up things, I’ve already lost count of how many times Sue had to bail you out. I know you miss Shelby and your dads, but-“

“Stop.”

“No Rachel, you need to deal-“

“I’ve already fucking deal with it! I’ve deal with all the shitty things that happened-“

“NO YOU FUCKING HAVEN’T! You think because you tattooed something about them means you’ve deal with something?! NO, it means you fucking care, so stop pretending you don’t, stop pretending that what she did didn’t hurt you, and stop pretending that Shelby being way doesn’t bother you! You know, I could pull your freaking ear piercings and I bet you’d walk around telling everybody you didn’t feel a thing. You know why you’d do that? Cause you like to think just because you’ve already had so much emotional and physical pain it’s going to stop hurting! Or you like to pretend so.”

“Naomi you don’t know what you are talking about.” I snap at her waiting to end this conversation.

“Yes I do! I’ve known you since freshmen year, and known all of your secrets since that freaking sleep over that you almost had a freaking panic attack over a nightmare and tried to play as if everything was alright. Rachel, you have me and Brooke, stop being so closed off. Do you really think smoking a joint when you have a nightmare is going to fix something? What happens when the nightmares gets heavier? We both know they will, what’s next? Cocaine? Oh wait we both know you’ve already tried that once. Really, if you continue I give it five years for you to overdose.”

“What am I supposed to do Naomi? Sit and talk about it? You know that shit doesn’t work!”

“You’re supposed to try fucking fix yourself. We came to Ohio for that, try stop bitching and yeah talk might help. Did you ever considered a damn therapist like we always said?”

“Stop that, I’m not crazy!”

“No you’re not but you’re full of shit. And if you want to know why the Unholy Trinity was here, you aunt asked them to keep an eye on you. You know, I’m starting to think they aren’t entirely wrong calling you spoiled. And I get you, okay I really do. I’m not bitching about you smoking, I’m bitching about the fact that you don’t deal with anything. I bet your dads would be really proud if they saw you now.”

And that was it. I couldn’t handle anymore it and started crying. Naomi hugged me.

“Sorry for making you and B worry so much.” I sobbed.

“You still don’t get the point, do you dumbass?” She says rubbing my back. “All I want is for you to open your damn mouth, can you do that? Next time you want to smoke, text me I’ll be here. You don’t want to sleep alone, tell us. Just let us be there for you. If you want to party, drink till the sunrise, ask me to go along. Ray, there’s nothing wrong in sometimes wanting to forget that stuff. Hell everyone wants to forget something, but for fucking sakes go back to real life after.”

“I love you Naomi, have I ever told you that?”

“Yes, you have Tiny, now enough with all this mushy shit. Let’s go watch practice, those skirts are perfect for pervs like us.” I clean my eyes, and give Naomi a smile, a real Rachel Berry smile.

“I know right! Remember me to get something for Sue as a thank you.”

-0-0-

-0-

We sat on the bleachers and enjoyed the beautiful site that was the cheerleaders.

“So, Brooke joined the squad, and we are only in that lame ass Glee club. Do you have any sports on your mind Tiny? This junk of place doesn’t have a volleyball team, nor your beloveds Lacrosse and Soccer.”

“Tell me about it. It’s unacceptable something like this, but it is Lima after all. I was thinking about joining the football team.” This made Naomi crack herself of laughing.

“You mean the male football team? I can already picture, everybody’s at least 6 feet tall, and you with your 5.2. You can count on me recording all of your games, I can sell everything later as a great comedy movie.”

“Stop joking. First of all, I’m 5.2165 feet tall exactly. Second you know very well that size isn’t everything. I was Capitan of the soccer and the lacrosse team at Trinity, and won all the two national championships that I participate. And third and most important, quit talking as if you’re way taller than me, you don’t even have one inch on me.”

“Well yeah, but I don’t go around wanting to join the fucking football team.”

“Oww, is Mi scared to get her tiny ass kicked?”

“Shut up Rae, and quit calling me that. I ain’t afraid of anything.”

“Oh really?”

“Hell yeah!”

“Fine, join the football team with me. Since you’re so fearless.”

“Fuck you Tiny!”

“You kind of already did, but that’s besides point. So will you?”

“Fine. Size ain’t everything, like you said. Let’s rock this place.”

“That’s the Mi I know and love! By the way, the size isn’t everything stuff wasn’t me who said it.”

“Who said it them?”

“Oh, it was definitely a ‘that’s what she said’ kind of sentence.” I give Naomi a little smirk.

“Gosh, you used to be better at jokes Rae. How long had you been waiting to tell that one?”

“About five minutes ago, when I came up with it.”

“Shame on you Tiny.”

“Although you have to agree with me.”

“Well, of course I do, we’re small.”

“Not just because of that, bitch. Just take a look at that Flinnot guy playing, huge, but looks like an old lady trying to catch her dog. And his hand are probably as firm as jelly. Not to mention that he looks like a fucking orca and has probably the biggest man boobs I’ve ever seen. I’m considering giving him a bra for his birthday.” I said and pointed to the football practice that was on the other side of the field. The ball had just slipped through Flint’s hands and hit him in the head as it fell. “I also bet he sucks in bed.”

“On his case, size definitely ain’t everything. But I think in your case, jealous is everything.”

“Jealous? Me? Naomi, are you forgetting that I don’t do jealousy?”

“I’m just joking Tiny of the tinniest. But I seriously think that one day, you’re going to meet someone and you’d be the jealous type, in fact I think that you’ll go freaking insane every time someone goes near that person. Beside I just know you’d be totally whipped.”

“Oh yeah. The day that happens I’ll let you have any jersey you want of my collection.”

“You mean, your almost worldwide collection of the coolest jersey ever? Even the one signed by the Knicks when they won the championship? Or the one with that British team that is super awesome?”

“Yes, and that’s just how sure I am that that’s never going to happen.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure. And now I’m totally rutting for you to find a girlfriend, in fact, if I starts to set you up on dates, just go with it.”

“Fine, I really don’t care, you’ll just help me to get laid. Not that I need it.”

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s make this bet more interesting then. If I manage to make you fall in love during our time in Lima, and I just know that when that happens you’ll be totally whipped and jealous, I get: five jerseys, one of the seven of your autographed Harry Potter books, the wand Emma Watson gave to you, the super flirty note she wrote to you, and the autographed picture she gave to you.” As you can realize Naomi is a huge closet Harry Potter fan. And she’s still totally jealous that I got to meet and flirt with the amazing Emma Watson.

“Oh and what do I get out of this wonderful agreement?

“Well, you get your own candy, one of my autographed Friends DVD, and Anne Hathaway autograph’s.” Okay now she has my attention. I just love Friends and Anne Hathaway is a freaking goodness.

“Wait, you mean my candy as in my lifesaver candy? Like a RB flavor?” For those of you who don’t know I’m like super addicted to lifesaver, I consume like fifteen packages a day. And Naomi’s dad owns over fifth percent of theirs actions, he’s like their boss or something, so she could totally do a RB flavor. AWESOME!

“Yes, so what do you say? Come on, it’s not is a big deal what I’m asking, you have tons of jerseys and my favorites aren’t yours. Besides it’s not like you only have seven autographed books.” Yeah that’s true, when I got to meet the author, I asked her to sign all of my books, and I have a lot of them, like the first editions and especial versions. Not to mention the versions that aren’t in English.

“Uhmm, okay, but the wand and the flirty note are out of the deal. I’d never bet them, even if I know I’m going to win. And that way is fair, the candy for the jerseys, one DVD for one of the books, and autograph for autograph.”

“Perfect! Now the deal is, if I make you fall in love before we go back to our lives in New York, I win. Even if we end up staying in Lima a bit more than expect because of your terrible behavior.”

“Fine. Now all I have to do is keep living life like I do, and soon people will be buying a RB lifesaver, I’ll have a DVD signed by the entire cast of Friends, and Anne Hathaway autograph’s.”

“Oh one more thing. I’m allowed to set you up on dates, and you have to go and behave nicely. I’ll be watching them and if you try to sabotage the bet, you instantly lose.”

“Okay, but you can’t give the girls any prior information about me, or what say anything like that, if you do so, you lose. Also if I even suspect something is up, I get to leave the date immediately. I’m also allowed to sleep with the girls you set me up and don’t call, only if I want to. And you are limited to ten dates a month.”

“Fifteen, and you have to call at least five of them back. I also can have a say in the way they dress.”

“Ten and I call five of them back. You’re free to change their looks, even better for me, if you want you can also tell them I prefer wax over s

“Thirteen and you call three, and I got a say in which of them you’ll be calling. And please, you’re just gross.”

“Deal. And gross is a hairy pussy.”

“I can’t argue with that.”