i hate not having someone to talk to
but even more than that, i hate that nobody will understand what i have to say because they havent been thrhough what i need to get off my chest
i need to sit in someone’s room and bawl my eyes out
i shouldnt have to talk
i need someone to understand why i’m crying.
understand that i’m broken into millions of pieces and at this point the only change that’s gonna happen is those pieces breaking too.
i need my best friend.
i have two specific people in mind.
one has never had a lasting relationship because the boys always turn out to be complete assholes and not only would i feel bad for feeling like i’m shoving it in her face but i dont want her to be upset that she can’t help. she obviously has amazing advice but it’s really hard to take it sometimes because it just won’t work with the circumstances.
also she lives 2,000 miles away :’(
the other one, he’s my bestest friend too but i can’t talk to him either. he always knows what to say and how to say it, the things to make me feel better and he’s just perfect in those terms. but he’s also 2,000 miles away.
not to mention that he’s the reason i need someone to talk to. i can’t talk to him about that. i’ve tried that before. it hurts.
i have two really good friends where i live too that i could talk to but one of them has a boyfriend and troubles of their own and i feel like it’d be kind of a burden to talk to her about all the things i’ve gone through and to say the things on my mind.
the other has never had a boyfriend and it’s just not fair to ask for advice or spill all my guts on someone who’s never felt the same kind of love that everybody (especially her) deserves.
other than that i have absolutely nobody else that would so much as pretend like they give a shit. my sister is too young and my parents are …. well , just not an option. (additionally, my dad won’t be home until almost midnight and my mom is out of town until tomorrow. irrelevant. i’m not talking to them)
i need to move back to colorado
everything would be simpler