The Start of Something New.

Sam couldn’t help but laugh, seeing orange covering the bottom of Tanner’s chin, dripping down onto his bib. He’d been about to ask whether or not he liked carrots when the smell caught him and he made a bit of a face. Sweet potatoes were pretty gross, and in a pureed form, they didn’t have any more appeal to him than solid. He definitely couldn’t have blamed any baby for refusing that particular meal. At least he didn’t have to worry about wearing the meal though because he was done. He let a look of relief come over him, and pulled his arm back in a classic ‘yes’ motion, “And I don’t have to wear those nasty things…” he said softly, kneeling down to untie his shoes. “Really Quinn? Sweet Potatoes are torture,” he turned his attention just slightly, from Quinn to the baby boy in front of her. He thought for a moment before speaking, though his mouth was open as though he’d been ready to say something and he changed his mind, “I don’t blame you for wearing those things, buddy.”

What he’d wanted to say was Daddy doesn’t blame you, but for some reason, he couldn’t make himself say that to Tanner. He had accepted that that was what he was, and he knew that now he was free to step up and take that role, but he felt unsettled after his ‘conversation’ with Finn. Something in him was a little bit shaken, and he couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was that gave him an uneasy feeling in himself. He had expected the house to make him feel that way, not to know that it had nothing to do with where he was, but that it was something he had yet to figure out. He looked up after he’d taken his shoes off and made quick eye contact with Tanner, who had been watching him since Quinn had left the room to clean up his dinner. He couldn’t help it. Looking at the little boy the grin came back to his face, and filled him completely, masking the uncomfortable feeling he’d been debating. He lifted his hands up to his face, trying to play peek-a-boo with him. Through his fingers he was able to watch as he tried to mimic him and spread the sweet potatoes even further over his face with his lack of coordination.  

He’d laughed quietly to himself as Quinn had tried to reprimand him. It wasn’t the first time he’d realized that babies were able to wrap you right around their little fingers without even trying. Faith had managed to do it to both Santana and himself, and he only imagined that by now she had done it to Puck too. He wouldn’t be surprised if Tanner had managed it with Quinn and Finn already, and it went without saying to Sam himself that he would do anything for the little baby in front of him. As long as he didn’t figure it out, they were safe. The second he knew the power he held over an adult, they were all screwed. He’d known for a while now that he was never a disciplinarian. The first time he’d babysat for his mother had more than proven that. Kate had nearly destroyed the house, knocking pictures off the wall and breaking one of his mother’s vases, and he’d still given her ice cream. It was only going to be worse with his own child.

His own child.

He was floored by the thought again, watching as Quinn cleaned him back up. He wouldn’t tell her that it had been his attempt at a game that had brought that on. Some things were best kept between father and son. He felt like everything was moving in slow motion, and he hadn’t realized how still he’d been standing, still near the door. He was just overwhelmed being here. He’d never expected to have this moment, but to have it this early, and to have things feel like this… He felt high. He was completely caught up in each individual second, and he wanted so badly for it to never end. To just stay here, in today forever. The grin had only grown on his face, pulling tightly across his features. He didn’t know when he’d found himself moving to meet her in the middle of the room. His eyes hadn’t left Tanner’s as he’d moved. He could almost feel the baby trying to figure him out. It wasn’t that he didn’t know him. He’d seen him at least once a week when they’d all lived in San Diego. It was just different now, and Sam knew that whether or not Tanner understood the intricacies of it, he knew that there was something going on. He’d broken his stare when Quinn had spoken. ‘Say hi to Daddy,’  his breath hitched. And he bit his lip, chewing on it nervously as he always had. It was out there now. It was silly to think that a four month old would understand the weight of those words, and it was silly to wonder just what Tanner was thinking of him.

“Oel ngati kameie.” Na’vi fell from his lips. He should have expected it, coming from him, and the bundle of nerves he’d suddenly become. As much as he felt vulnerable in that moment, like he was entirely exposed to the world, he hoped that he could hold onto the feeling. He found himself mimicking Tanner’s motions now, reaching forward for him too, opening and closing his own hand. He wanted to hold him. Quinn didn’t even have to ask. He was careful, lifting him from her arms, and before he knew it, he was tightly hugging Tanner into his chest, His own eyes shut tightly as the full weight of the moment hit him.

He belonged here. This is where he should have been the whole time. He couldn’t change the past, and certainly, there were parts of it that he still wouldn’t change for the world, but holding Tanner, he felt guilty. He bent his own head down, and kissed the top of his head, completely oblivious to the tears he was shedding himself, his eyes still tightly closed. He owed Tanner the world. He didn’t owe it to anybody else. Tanner should have had this months ago. Before he was even born. They should have never lied about this – about him. It was the first time he’d made that realization, feeling Tanner struggle slightly against him. He let up slightly on his hug. He had all the time in the world for more of them. He had at least eighteen years worth of them to look forward to. Soon enough, Tanner would be able to hug back. He lifted his head, and shifted him slightly into one arm, careful to still support him. He’d been away for a while now – He didn’t think he’d properly seen either Tanner or Faith in almost a month with all that had happened, and he could hardly believe  he’d let that much time pass. “Daddy’s here now,” he said, letting the word out this time. It fell from his lips too easily now, and it fit. Maybe he’d just needed to hear Quinn say it first, to know that it was what she wanted too. He reached up with his now free hand, wiping at his face. He felt kind of foolish for crying, but for all the times he’d spent time with Tanner, he felt like he was meeting him now for the very first time. A reintroduction. “And you’ve already got me going all soft…” he laughed, wiping his hand off on his pants before wiggling his fingers in front of the happy little boy. He laughed a little bit harder when Tanner had babbled, grabbing on to one, squeezing it as tightly as his little hands could, before trying to pull the digit into his mouth. He shook his head, tugging it back slightly, though he didn’t give up his grip, “No biting. We’re gonna get that one down before you have teeth. It’s rule number one in a fight. Biting is always a low blow, got that?” he asked, knowing that the words really didn’t mean anything to Tanner, and he was speaking more to himself than anything else, but the little boy had quieted and held his attention for the couple of sentences before starting with his excited babbling again.

Sam glanced up at Quinn, and took another look quickly down at Tanner, as though he was making sure he wasn’t going to disappear as soon as he looked away from him. “I think I’ll keep him,” he joked, bouncing Tanner slightly in his arm.