The Problem with 'Boys Will Be Boys' by Soraya Chemaly
huffingtonpost.comFor months, every morning when my daughter was in preschool, I watched her construct an elaborate castle out of blocks, colorful plastic discs, bits of rope, ribbons and feathers, only to have the same little boy gleefully destroy it within seconds of its completion.
No matter how many times he did it, his parents never swooped in BEFORE the morning’s live 3-D reenactment of “Invasion of AstroMonster.” This is what they’d say repeatedly:
“You know! Boys will be boys!”
“He’s just going through a phase!”
“He’s such a boy! He LOVES destroying things!”
“Oh my god! Girls and boys are SO different!”
“He. Just. Can’t. Help himself!”
I tried to teach my daughter how to stop this from happening. She asked him politely not to do it. We talked about some things she might do. She moved where she built. She stood in his way. She built a stronger foundation to the castle, so that, if he did get to it, she wouldn’t have to rebuild the whole thing. In the meantime, I imagine his parents thinking, “What red-blooded boy wouldn’t knock it down?”
She built a beautiful, glittery castle in a public space.
It was so tempting.
He just couldn’t control himself and, being a boy, had violent inclinations.
She had to keep her building safe.
Her consent didn’t matter. Besides, it’s not like she made a big fuss when he knocked it down. It wasn’t a “legitimate” knocking over if she didn’t throw a tantrum.
His desire — for power, destruction, control, whatever- - was understandable.
Maybe she “shouldn’t have gone to preschool” at all. OR, better if she just kept her building activities to home.
I know it’s a lurid metaphor, but I taught my daughter the preschool block precursor of don’t “get raped” and this child, Boy #1, did not learn the preschool equivalent of “don’t rape.”
Not once did his parents talk to him about invading another person’s space and claiming for his own purposes something that was not his to claim. Respect for her and her work and words was not something he was learning. How much of the boy’s behavior in coming years would be excused in these ways, be calibrated to meet these expectations and enforce the “rules” his parents kept repeating?
There was another boy who, similarly, decided to knock down her castle one day. When he did it his mother took him in hand, explained to him that it was not his to destroy, asked him how he thought my daughter felt after working so hard on her building and walked over with him so he could apologize. That probably wasn’t much fun for him, but he did not do it again.
There was a third child. He was really smart. He asked if he could knock her building down. She, beneficent ruler of all pre-circle-time castle construction, said yes… but only after she was done building it and said it was OK. They worked out a plan together and eventually he started building things with her and they would both knock the thing down with unadulterated joy. You can’t make this stuff up.
Take each of these three boys and consider what he might do when he’s older, say, at college, drunk at a party, mad at an ex-girlfriend who rebuffs him and uses words that she expects will be meaningful and respecte, “No, I don’t want to. Stop. Leave.”
The “overarching attitudinal characteristic” of abusive men is entitlement
from “The Problem with ‘Boys Will Be Boys’” by Sorya Chemaly
The Vaccines' Justin Young Praises Harry Styles And Niall Horan For Songwriting Talents
Apparently there is more to the boys than their great hair and bodies
One Direction have more than meets the eye according to The Vaccines frontman Justin Young, who has praised the boyband for their songwriting abilities proving they are more talented than your average manufactured group.
Niall Horan and Harry Styles have spent time in the recording studio with Justin after the trio bonded over their love of indie group, The Cribs. The Vaccines singer says that he was “excited” to be working with the pair although a collaboration is unlikely given the boyband’s pop fanbase.
Justin Young says One Direction are talented writers (WENN)
“They are both natural writers. I love writing songs and love pop music, so the process was exciting,” Justin told MTV News.
“I don’t think they are going for a heavier, indie sound. Maybe it’s damaged my credibility, but it wasn’t The Vaccines who wrote for them, it was me, so I doubt it’s damaged the band’s.”
Justin’s songs will most likely feature on One Direction’s upcoming third album, which they are currently recording while on their ‘Take Me Home’ tour. According to Louis Tomlinson, the lads are hoping to have the record completed in time for Christmas.
Niall Horan and Harry Styles are quite adept with songwriting apparently (WENN)
Confirming that they are busy working on their third album, Louis told the Daily Star: “We’ve already started recording the album, we started about a month ago.
“We’ve been writing and recording it while on tour. We are really happy with it. We don’t want to rush it but it will be out for Christmas.”
Justin Bieber surprises fans at elementary school with yearlong supply of food
Justin Bieber’s dedication to his fans knows no bounds. Last Friday the he made his second surprise stop at Whitney Elementary School in Las Vegas (he first visited last December). He was in town for the youngest fans and give them a day they’ll never forget.
Justin spent over an hour helping pack and hand out food donations totalling $150,000 and pledged to fill the school’s pantry for one year. According to the school’s principal, Sherrie Gahn, the children get food bags every weekend. Justin is helping with ConAgra food to make sure they have weekend food bags for a whole year.
Source: E! Online
One Direction new album finished, says Ed Sheeran
One Direction’s new album is finished, according to previous collaborator Ed Sheeran. The singer-songwriter made the claim after confirming that he hasn’t submitted any tracks for the group’s third studio collection.
“I haven’t done any songs on this one,” Sheeran told MTV. “I’ve actually kind of cut myself from giving any people songs at the moment, because I want to make my album. I was approached, and it wasn’t so much a ‘No’. it was just a ‘I want to write tunes for myself at the moment’.”
He added: “Once my album’s done, then we’ll see, but their album is already finished.”
Louis Tomlinson recently admitted that One Direction are planning to release their new album for Christmas.
Taylor Swift: Billboard Music Award Wins Were a 'Wonderful Feeling'
Country superstar talks about winning eight trophies and her personal highlights of BBMA night.
The biggest stars in music lit up the stage of Las Vegas’ MGM Grand Garden Arena for the Billboard Music Awards. But no one beamed brighter than Taylor Swift, who netted eight awards. Accepting her gold statue for top artist, Swift gave props to the 3.7 million fans who purchased “Red” and drove her across-the-board victories: “Thank you for making my music the soundtrack to your crazy emotions,” she said. “You are the longest and best relationship I’ve had.”
She also premiered her new single, “22,” in one of the night’s most spirited performances, which kicked off in her dressing room and wound its way through the audience before hitting the stage. Ditching her glittering blue Zuhair Murad mini-dress for a unicorn-emblazoned T-shirt and shorts, Swift sang of the joys of being her tender age, surrounded by a full posse (including members of two mainstay Vegas acts, Cirque du Soleil and Jabbawockeez). Billboard checked in with Swift just days after the show, as she was already back in the thick of her current U.S. tour.
Billboard: You were the night’s big winner. What was the highlight of the night for you personally?
Swift: For me the highlight of the night was standing onstage with my 15 breathless, beaming dancers after we finished our performance. We were all standing together and got to look out into a crowd that was giving us a standing ovation. It was a wonderful feeling.
What performances stood out to you? Was there anyone who surprised or moved you in a way you didn’t expect?
I loved Ed Sheeran’s performance because I get to see him move crowds with just an acoustic guitar and his voice every night on tour, and to watch him do that on a nationally televised scale made me so happy.
Who were you excited to see and meet at the show?
I was just excited that a bunch of my friends were there like Selena [Gomez and Ed]. It turned the night into more of a dance party than a high-pressure media event.
Madonna was the top touring artist. As someone who spends a lot of time on the road, have you learned anything by what she’s done in her career?
One element of Madonna’s career that really takes center stage is how many times she’s reinvented herself. It’s easier to stay in one look, one comfort zone, one musical style. It’s inspiring to see someone whose only predictable quality is being unpredictable.
There were also artists on hand who are part of the new wave of younger performers taking hold at radio — Selena Gomez performed, and Ariana Grande presented. What advice would you give them?
I never give advice unless someone asks me for it. One thing I’ve learned, and possibly the only advice I have to give, is to not be that person giving out unsolicited advice based on your own personal experience. I’ve always had a lot of older people giving me advice because I’m young, and in the end, it all comes down to who you want to be remembered as. Just be that.
How did you celebrate your victorious night?
We had a giant dinner at Nobu for all of my bandmates, dancers and friends. It seemed like everyone was there. Ed, Selena, Austin Mahone … We were all just laughing together and rejoicing in a really fun evening.
How late were you out? Where did you go and who did you hang with?
I flew back to L.A. that night, so I was only out till about 1 a.m. Then I got home, said “hi” to my cat, then fell asleep in seconds.
You gave a heartfelt thank-you to your fans and acknowledged them as being “the longest and best relationship I’ve had.” How would you describe that relationship? And how did it feel to have the opportunity to thank them publicly as you accepted artist of the year?
I loved being able to thank my fans for this life they’ve given me. Being on tour, I get a nightly reminder of how lucky I am to get to stand on giant stages and sing for sold-out crowds. Now I have so many girls my age coming up to me and saying, “I’ve listened to you for seven years.” It’s crazy to me that we’ve been in each other’s lives that long and it still feels new. But hey, I guess that’s what real love feels like.
Taylor Swift is happy to be your break-up musician
TAYLOR Swift knows what time it is.
And it’s not just show time, although she is on stage in front of thousands in Detroit as part of her super-sized Red tour.
“50,000 people have opted in to hear me sing about my feelings for two hours,” Swift tells the mainly female crowd. “I’m told I have lots of feelings…”
Even with her tongue in cheek, those feelings are responsible for 26 million album sales and 75 million downloads in seven years - each album followed by a tour that grows in size.
It’s playing to her fans where Swift is most comfortable. She can’t be misquoted by nosy journalists. And she can express her sense of humour to let everyone know the diss-and-tell songwriter is firmly in on the joke.
“You never talk to him again and then you write a whole album about him,” Swift says at one point, acutely aware the audience all have different assumptions about who “he” is. And they know she’ll never tell.
Introducing Ours, a fan request, Swift says “I can imagine it’s hard to make a relationship last. I wouldn’t know …”.
She ushers Stay Stay Stay in by proudly noting “See, they don’t always leave…”
Interviewing Taylor Swift is tricky. She’s simultaneously open and closed. Her ability to swerve off topic during a warm anecdote is politician-like.
Personal questions are off limits, in the most polite way.
But when President Obama uses your break-up songs as a punchline to attack his political opponents, you know you occupy a rare place in pop culture.
“It’s crazy to take in what’s happened in the last few years,” Swift says, deftly side-stepping specifically referencing her Presidential shout out. “There’s no way to wrap your mind around it, no way to fully comprehend it without changing your own perception of yourself, which I’d never want to do.”
“As a writer it’s really important I keep my mind in check, that’s the only thing that keeps me here, what comes out of my mind. So I spend a lot of time thinking about my perspective, how to look at life, how to stay happy but still feel things. Not protect myself too much but shield myself from unnecessary pain and insecurity.”
Swift taps her head and jokes “You don’t want to get inside here, it’s very complicated”.
The most productive thing you’ll do today is practice.
Photo: Jay Ryness
I wasn’t originally sold on the idea of blogging.
Even when I tried to get in the habit of posting, I found it hard to stick with. Blogging took time — time to write essays daily, put in links, clean up spam, and respond to the comments that trickled in, time that was uncompensated. Why, I wondered, would I take time away from paying assignments to put my work out there for free?
Even after my book, 168 Hours, came out in 2010, and I realized I needed to interact with readers, I still thought blogging was a side venture to my real writing. More days than not, I’d take 30-60 minutes to write a post and publish it, but I still viewed it more as a labor of love (or at least PR) than anything else.
Then something funny happened. About a year into daily blogging, I’d carve out time to write a draft of an essay for a newspaper or magazine. I’d give myself until lunch, but by 10:00, I’d be done.
What was going on? I finally figured it out while reading Practice Perfect: 42 Rules for Getting Better at Getting Better, by Doug Lemov, Katie Yezzi, and Erica Woolway. These three educators have trained thousands of teachers over the years, and they studied patterns in how teachers improved at their craft, and how others do, too. The big breakthroughs, they noted, came from drills — discrete actions that focus on certain skills — in order to automate certain practices you’d like to improve.
Photo: Matthijs
Basketball players do shooting drills and passing drills. Piano players do arpeggios and scales. As they carve these actions into their muscle and mental memory, they can summon these skills almost by instinct during performances or games. That gives them the mental space to focus on bigger things — the arc of a piece, the layout of players on the court.
For a writer, blogging turns out to be a daily drill. By writing lots of don’t-need-to-be-perfect blog posts, I learned how to crank out rough drafts fast. By carving out time for daily practice, I made myself more efficient at my work. Each hour spent blogging saved me time later as I stewed less over drafts and had more time for edits.
Put in that light, blogging now seems like the most productive part of my day. Not only am I interacting with readers, I’m getting faster at what I do! Just as I accepted practice as part of studying the piano years ago, I embrace blogging as the “practicing” part of my writing work.
If you’d like to get more efficient at your work, making time every day for practice drills could likewise be one of the most productive decisions you make. To be sure, not everyone has a job where the drills are as obvious as blogging, in retrospect, was for me. But if you think about your job and how you spend your time, you can likely see certain skills you use repeatedly.
Maybe you make presentations. Maybe you deliver feedback to employees. Maybe you field hostile questions from clients. Think about how you can isolate these skills and practice them repeatedly. Ask your team members to launch a rapid-fire barrage of criticism about a proposal at the end of a staff meeting, for instance.
Most people don’t consciously practice their job. If you do, it can be a source of major competitive advantage. Keep track of your practice and how you’re improving individually or as a team by writing it down.
Most importantly, you have to actually make time for your practice drills. When you spend time getting better, you often get better. And that’s a much better place to be.
Do you make time to practice?
Harry Styles So Obsessed with Cleaning Tour Bus, Nicknamed Mrs. Mop
When you think of the five guys of One Direction sharing a tour bus, you have to imagine it would probably be a mess.
Turns out at least one of the guys is on top of any possible bus clutter—to the point of obsession.
Harry Styles is a neat freak, you guys.
A source tells the Daily Star, “Harry loves everything to be neat and tidy. He’s fixated with keeping the tour bus clean.”
Hey, someone’s gotta do it.
He’s so “fixated” that he’s earned the nickname Mrs. Mop (why not Mr. Clean? Must be a hair thing).
Harry even makes Louis, Liam, Niall and Zayn wear slippers on the bus!
The source adds, “He watches to make sure no one drops food anywhere and asked people to leave their shoes at the door and wear slippers.”
He even reportedly “went to a supermarket and bought a ton of cleaning products as he didn’t think the bus was clean enough,” the source added.
Now, who’s the messiest 1D guy? In an interview with Seventeen magazine last year, the guys revealed that Louis takes that honor.(x)
