HOW I GOT A SINGLE DORM ROOM
This is long-awaited story, and I am finally ready to tell it.
It all begins with this celestial image that I uploaded as my student ID picture:
Then, out of the blue, I received this email:
It was a fair request. Not everyone can handle the beauty of a Farah sunrise, and it would probably be too distracting for the campus staff members.
I uploaded a more classic, simple look:
Yet Rebecca was still unsatisfied:
Here is where I got offended. What is wrong with my face against a black background? If anything, the simplicity of the cut-out makes it easier to identify me. And if the “quality and zoom” of the picture is fine, then why is “all that black space” a problem? Seriously, I cannot find a single reason why a black background would be an issue here. Are you trying to save on ink costs or some shit? Or would a skyline somehow legitimize the image? You’re trying to identify my FACE. This is the easiest way to look at my face.
Rebecca was obviously completely irrational, but I complied. I sent in an un-photoshopped image.
Finally! Well…not so fast. Rebecca once again proved her mental volatility with a most disappointing flip-flop:
Talk about a blow to the heart! Just like Trayvon, I couldn’t gain the man’s approval while wearing a hood. So, I uploaded a picture to show Rebecca how she made me feel:
And then, the most painful rejection of them all:
So mean. So, so mean. Rebecca’s high standards and emotional unavailability finally forced me to give up. I was never going to gain her validation. But you know what? If she couldn’t handle the whole package—photoshop and all—then she just wasn’t worth it.
It was time to stop changing myself to impress her. So I sent her one last image of the real me—the way I see myself:
She never responded :’(
But as it turns out, Rebecca is on the Residential Life team, and she told ResLife that no one should have to be my roommate. So I got a single dorm room.
How to Break Free of Addiction to Approval
1. Recognise that other people do not determine your worth and value. It’s your life not there’s. They are responsible to themselves for their life; and you are responsible to yourself for your life. Don’t give up your “self” to please someone else.
2. Also, people change, have different values and outlooks and want different things for, and from, us. It’s simply impossible to please everyone all of the time, or even most of the time.
3. Recognise that spending our lives trying to make others happiness is a recipe for failure and low self-esteem. It’s a pointless way to spend your life. It will stop you being happy and true to yourself.
4. Be kind to yourself. Understand that we all have weaknesses, and things that we regret saying and doing.
5. Also, we’re all on our journey – and the journey is harder and more challenging for some than others. Perhaps you are dealing with obstacles that other people have not had to face.
6. Develop your self esteem from within. Decide on the type of person YOU want to be, and work on being true to that.
7. Think about what really matters to you, and the different goals you’d like to achieve – then set these as a priority. That is, decide what YOU want to do instead of worrying about what others would like you to do.
8. Develop a plan for the direction of your life. Focus your thinking, energy, choices and decisions around living a life that is meaningful to you. At the end of each day, check to ensure you’ve done something that is taking you in that direction.
9. Work on developing your self-reliance – so that although it is nice to have help and support from others, you’re not dependent upon it (or them). Also, being able to think, act and choose for yourself will greatly increase your self-confidence.
10. Work on accepting, valuing and loving yourself. Appreciate the good things about YOU.
Notice your successes, and any moves towards living out your goals, and becoming the real you.
11. Choose to live in the moment. Decide not to keep going over the past, or worrying too much about what lies ahead. Notice and relish what is good about “right now”.
12. Choose joy. Allowing yourself to experience joy is freeing, motivating, energising. It keeps your focus on the positives in life.
“If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego and the internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge. Those are the three things the ego is doing all the time. It’s very important to be aware of them every time they come up.”—Deepak Chopra
The Quarter-Deck #36.7
“Lower away, and after him!”
“And what tune is it ye pull to, men?”
“A dead whale or a stove boat!”
More and more strangely and fiercely glad and approving, grew the countenance of the old man at every shout; while the mariners began to gaze curiously at each other, as if marvelling how it was that they themselves became so excited at such seemingly purposeless questions.
Cni / Ibope: Government Approval Is Highest Among Older, Less Educated And Living In The Countryside : http://ping.fm/Todxg