Um, hi. I'm sorry.
Yeah, I’m sorry for my post last night. It’s been the first time I broke down— cried— like that because of being misunderstood and being looked through. There really are periods when I hate my parents so much; my journals are proof of this. I’ll write endless plans of leaving our house and starting a life of my own, finishing college, working, sending some money for my siblings, but never coming home.
Last night, I just had it, I guess. I realized that I shouldn’t keep all that I’ve gone through in the past few years from my parents, but then suddenly, they just started saying things which made me realize that they won’t really care or understand about the things I wanted to tell them. It hurts, because I’ve read stuff here on Tumblr about people who told their parents about what’s been happening to them, and their parents would just hug them and cry with them. I fantasized that it would be the same for me, but no. I feel like that I’m the first one in my family who actually had issues with depression and those stuff.
And then this morning, I woke up in a bad mood. My mother started scolding me, and really hinting that I’m worthless and useless in the family. And I was so angry, so hurt, so… I don’t know. I just wanted to leave and never come back.
But then, I started asking myself where is God in all this? What part is He playing? We all go through rough experiences. Some of us become depressed. Some of us give in to anger and bitterness. Some of us just go sad and give up.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. —Romans 8: 38-39
You know the answer I received from Him? He’s still with me. I may get angry at my parents, I may really leave our house, I may sometimes break down because of the hurt, but He’s still with me. He loves me. He doesn’t leave me during the time I am most vulnerable. He stays with me, even though all that I keep on looking at is how hopeless my state is. All this things never kept me away from Him. Instead, I believe that He drew closer to me, protecting me from worse things. He never withdrew His hand from me.
During difficult times, our Father is always present. He’s in our midst. We may not feel like it, but He won’t ever forsake us, even though we feel so angry. Nothing will ever repel Him from us.
And then in Isaiah 53, there was a verse there that says, ‘He carried our sorrows.’ Jesus knew every sorrow we’re gonna face, because He Himself carried them. He carried them for us. He dealt with them at the cross. I’m gonna let Him carry them for me. I’m gonna surrender it all to Him. Will you, beloved? It’s so hard to carry all these emotions around. They may explode any time, and leave us in pieces. But we can leave them at the cross. We can move forward knowing that He has dealt with them at the cross. By dealing with them, it means that He has defeated them. And because He and you are one, you’re victorious over all these, beloved. His love made complete everything you’ll ever need in this life.
“And on the third day, He rose again.” Your Savior is alive. You know what this means? You can share in His life. There is healing, there is restoration, there is redemption, and you can all claim them. He’s won them for you. Along with the cross, the empty grave gives you assurance of victory. He rose above them all, beloved. For you.
Maybe right now, you don’t what you should do, or if ever you’re gonna get past this, but Jesus is alive. He’s finished it all. Let’s all just surrender this all to Him and let Him do the wonders. You have authority over the sorrow, the depression, and the anger, because He is within you, beloved. During the times we lose control, He’s still with us, because He’s the One who has brought in the healing. We’re getting through this, because He’s with us. He’s never gonna leave. He loves us.