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“Two teenagers in Steubenville, Ohio were sentenced to just three years after being found guilty of raping a girl while she was passed out drunk. They actually could've gotten six years in prison, but they weren't pirating music.”

—Anthony Jeselnik on The Jeselnik Offensive

“How can you make fun of John Mulaney? Like, John Mulaney is so awesome. He's that person that I point to every time someone tells me women aren't funny.”

—Anthony Jeselnik
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