OMG I FORGOT ABOUT BBC SHAKESPEARE.

OKAY HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE.

I have this problem where I genuinely cannot remember things I get excited about, so I have no idea if I knew about this before and I forgot, or if this is a new thing that hasn’t been on my radar because everyone HATES ME otherwise why would I not be the first person to know about this.

Because BBC2’s planned adaptation of Richard II, Henry IV (both parts) and Henry V is apparently a thing, that’s going to happen this summer, in conjunction with the Olympics or something (I don’t know, I wasn’t breathing while reading the rationale). And it’s like they took a list of my favorite Shakespeareans and were like, “would you like to be in this film?”

Richard II: Ben Whishaw as Richard II and Rory Kinnear as Bolingbroke; Patrick Stewart as John of Gaunt, David Suchet as York, and David Morrissey as Mowbray. (I almost didn’t make it through typing that without crying for joy.)

Henry IV: Jeremy Irons (my only real celebrity crush, from 2004-present) as Henry IV; Tom Hiddleston as Hal; Simon Russel Beale as Falstaff; Michelle Dockery as Lady Kate Percy

Henry V: Tom Hiddleston is now King Henry V, and John Hurt is the Chorus. Owen Teale (who is Welsh) will play Fluellen, which is a relief to have a Welsh actor there; and Richard Griffiths as Burgundy

Seriously I could not imagine more perfect casts (okay, I would have preferred Richard Griffiths as Falstaff, as ifeelbetterer and I have agreed), but SERIOUSLY. Literally almost every male Shakespearean actor I love. They even had the decency to leave Ian McKellan out of it because they know I have drama with him. BBC2, I love you so much. Let me buy you flowers and take you out to a nice wine bar in Hampstead or something.

I feel like I’m about to do something really undignified like start crying or pass out or something but seriously. It’s like BBC said “hey cinque-spotted you had a really terrible 12 months, I made you something to cheer you up”. Holy fuck. RSC, if you want my attention, you should probably just stage a production of Julius Caesar with Benedict Cumberbatch as Caesar and Rory Kinnear as Brutus and everyone wears togas and nothing else and it’s SUPER GAY. Because that’s honestly the only thing that could top this.

my jealousy knows no bounds!!

I’M SORRY THAT MOVIE DISTRIBUTION IS STUPID.

Believe, if I had the ability to do so, I would most definitely have taken it upon myself to record a bootleg copy for you.