Walking back up the hill I became very sweaty!
I was walking downhill past cemetery feeling ebullient: An effusive joyousness brought on by Bruce Boone’s prose and the last five minutes of Mussorgsky’s Pictures at an Exhibition. I was! I was smiling to myself wondering what’s the best way to turn my mind from Thinking About Girls: Holding Hands&Whats The Best Time To Hold Hands&Can We Do The Thing Where We Squeeze Together Our Fingers Or Is That Too Much, to my own thoughts and my own writing! Bruce Boone had been writing and I had been reading about writers always taking sides: Anyone who’s not writing polemically is a boring shithead (I’m paraphrasing!). And then what side is my writing on anyways: I guess it’s on my side! I’m writing about things I like: Myself, holding hands with girls, Bruce Boone, cemeteries, the great bright ideas of my smarter friends and hills! And I’m not writing about things I hate, or if I am writing about them I’m being dismissive and rude (here goes!): The prolific joylessness of young people writing, a literature movement that is a set of related formal concerns and prolific joylessness, mosquitoes and most men who wear hats when it’s not cold outside!
Intentional Displays of Illiteracy(That's not three L's)
So I’m on Facebook, and I just see the stupidest thing as somebody’s middle name. Now I don’t want to put anyone on the spot, but let me just say that this…. girl(I’m trying to be nice here) spelled the word “me” m-i-i. Now why the hell would you do that? People on Facebook really irritate me because they act like they’re illiterate morons. I know some of these people can actually spell, so it really makes me sick when I see stupid nonsense like that. I hate when people spell “you” with just the letter “u”. That’s not RIGHT! I can understand that it’s Facebook, and people understand you, but that’s not an excuse to demonstrate this fuckery. You have an ENTIRE keyboard in front of you. It is NOT that hard to hit all of the correct keys in order to spell a word correctly. Your computer keeps underlining all of your stupid misspellings with that little red streak because it’s trying to tell you to stop being a dumb ass. If every word in your damn status is underlined with red, then you clearly need to delete that whole thing and either fix it, or throw away your keyboard because you clearly have no business typing anything. I don’t care if you’re not in school; you look like you skipped all of your spelling lessons throughout elementary school.
I also hate when people are so STUPID that they add an extra letter to certain words. For example, I’ve seen people add an extra “d” to the word “and,” or they use two ampersands when the entire point of an ampersand is to use less characters. Why the hell would you use two when you only need one? Obviously, you’re an idiot, and you think that’s cute. It’s not. It really isn’t.
Next, and this probably irritates me more than the first two irritations, I hate when people use the letter “q” to replace “g”. THEY’RE TWO DIFFERENT LETTERS!! DON’T INTERCHANGE THEM BECAUSE YOU THINK IT LOOKS COOL, OR BECAUSE YOU THINK IT’S CUTE BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE AN ILLITERATE JACKASS!! Just to make an example, this is what I’m talking about:
“omq. i wish i was taylor lautner’s qirlfriend !!!” I don’t understand how people type like that and somehow continue to feel shameless. It’s asinine.
Finally, I really hate when people insert periods all throughout their statuses, or instead use no punctuation at all. For example:
“I rly thnk. that my mom. should. stop telling. me. what to. do. ugh. so annoying. I cnt even. stand. it.”
or,
“I’m gonna go to the store and buy myself a bottle of soda then I’m gonna come home and make myself a sandwich and later I’m gonna go to the movies with sarah”
What the fuck are you trying to tell me? I just want to take you to a 1st grade class and have you sit in there for the rest of the week, so you can hopefully re-learn the basics because you obviously made it your duty to forget all that is grammatically correct.
I’m not saying I’m the perfect writer, but I take pride in not making 1001 intentional, grammatical mistakes. I make typos, but I do look over my writing to see what’s wrong, and no matter how fucked up in the head I am, I’m never going to use two ampersands, “q” instead of “g,” or waste my time tacking on extra letters to my words.
Sorry about this rant. I just really can’t stand looking at my Facebook feed sometimes, plus I’ve been watching videos by ItsKingsleyBitch on YouTube, so I was sort of in a ranting mood.
