why did something i loved so much for so long have to turn out to be the thing that destroyed me the most. why am i so fucked up because of this and others still love it, why? its not fair, there must be something wrong with me, something deeply wrong that they didn’t like in me, some big flaw in my personality that they picked at like vultures so that i would finally leave without them having to kick me out. why does dance have to be so traumatic to look back on (its all my fault, my problem). why didn’t i get out the moment i realized i didn’t like it anymore? why did i let him say all those horrible things to me? why did i take it so personally, why wont their fucking voices get out of my head, i’m gone now, leave me alone.
“happiness is the best revenge” well fuck i’m only proving to be even weaker than i was last year, (pathetic). they messed me up so bad, and they don’t even know or care at all. its like a huge mushy spot it my brain now, a huge span of 14 years that physically hurts to look back on, i don’t even know what to do with my anger and frustration.
maybe that’s why i hurt myself.
i don’t know how i’ll ever get over it, they made me hate something i really loved, something i was actually good at. they broke me (but its actually all my fault).
Things that make me happy
So yesterday, before this club meeting started, one of the guys goes ‘Hey, how much does a polar bear weigh?’
Definitely just a cheesy line (answer: enough to break the ice) but someone said, ‘Just ask Anna.’
I mean. I know my love of animals is blatant. But when people acknowledge it and respect the things I know it just makes me all happy and warm and giggly inside.