Pasensya na kung inunfollow ko kayo. Ang sabi ng isang anon sa akin, “Parang wala tayong pinagsamahan.” I mean, nasa FOLLOW BUTTON ba yung pinagsamahan natin?
Pwede naman tayo maging magkaibigan, oo. Magkaibigan tayo, oo. Pero inunfollow kita kasi hindi ko naman type mga blogs/reblogs mo eh.
“Kakain ka ba ng gulay kung ayaw mo naman ito?”
May mga kaibigan ko IRL na, hindi ko naman finafollow/hindi ako finafollow. May mga pinagsamahan din kami nun. Sadyang hindi lang namin trip mga nakikita namin sa dash at hindi na kami nagfollow-an.
Seven months after the day she was born: Charlotte’s Birth Story
My due date was the 11th and I knew she was coming soon. I don’t know how I knew, but I just did. Tim took Monday off because I was having very mild contractions. At the time, I thought they were major because they were much stronger than I had ever felt. No, those came later! We walked off and on all day. I was too excited to sleep, but Tim kept encouraging me to relax and to rest up. Poor thing. Looking back, he must have been really tired. I was so jazzed and ready for her to come out. We woke up around 2:ooam on Tuesday and I was ready to walk again, so we went for a very early morning stroll. It was so quiet. I will never forget that walk. It was just Tim and I out before the sun even came up. What a peaceful memory.
I had a doctor’s appointment at 11:30am. We got ready and I convinced Tim we should pack the car just in case, since we live about a half hour or so from the hospital. He was a bit reluctant, but was not going to argue with me. Love him for that. I figured the last thing we would need was for me to go into labor and he would be stuck remembering everything.
I was completely prepared for the nurse to tell me that I was dilated past 2 centimeters since I had been about 1 the week before. To my surprise, I was still only dilated to about 1 and 80% effaced. The nurse asked me if she could strip the membranes and I said yes. She was very upbeat and told us not to go far. I was starving by this point. I had been eating small snacks since Monday because I was sure I was going to go into labor at any point and didn’t want to eat anything too big. She told me it was fine to eat. Boy did I. We went to Whole Foods for lunch and I ordered a large burrito and downed it in what seemed like 2 seconds. Eating made me feel so much better. I have to admit, I was disappointed after my appointment. I was sure this baby was ready to come and I felt let down that she wouldn’t be arriving any time soon. After lunch, we decided we should treat ourselves to dessert. No sooner had we decided what we were going to order when my water broke. Yes, my water broke in Whole Foods while waiting to order a chocolate chip cookie. My heat jumped for joy. Tim said the look on my face was priceless. Nothing beats that feeling of knowing that your baby is on her way out! First thing I did was ask what time it was. It was 1:00pm. I went to the bathroom to make sure that my water had really broken, even though I knew it had. It was exactly like I had read it would be, smelled like it was supposed to smell and would not stop. Tim ran to the car to get me a pad since I was only wearing a small liner that the nurse had given me in case I spotted. Good thing we packed the car or my jeans would have been soaked. And thankfully I was wearing jeans or my water would have been all over the dessert isle of the store! We called the nurse. She joked that she had done a great job and told us to head to the hospital. We checked in soon after.
My IV was put in at 2:30pm and the nurse started the Pitocin at 3:55pm. I was in the happy state for about an hour. The first nurse we had was not pleasant to say the least. She even snapped at my Mom, which was not cool. I understand that she has a job to do, but I don’t remember ever seeing a smile on her face. She had some not nice things to say, but really this is not about her and I don’t care to comment any more than I already have. Fortunately she was not around long and switched out with another nurse at the perfect time.
By 5:00pm my contractions were getting strong and coming every minute. By 6:30pm my contractions were very strong and I told Tim that I didn’t think I could continue without something. He looked at me and said, “Should we set a goal? If by 7:00 pm you still feel this way, then we will go with pain medication.” I replied with “6:45.” Two contractions later I said, “I can’t do it.” “4 more contractions,” said Tim. At 6:45pm the nurse came in and asked if I wanted medication. I wanted to take something, but wasn’t sure what to do. Going into this, I wanted to try to have her without having to get an epidural. Tim then asked if she could check to see how far along I was. At 7:00pm we found out that I was at 6 centimeters! No wonder they hurt so much! I took one dose of medication to help alleviate the contractions since they were coming on so quickly. This calmed me down.
Up until this point I had been laying/sitting up. This position was no longer working so I sat up with my feet hanging off the bed and held on to Tim. Every time I would have a contraction I would hug (he says strangle) him and he would massage my lower back. At 7:45 I again said that I couldn’t do it anymore. The nurse came in and my Mom went out to update everyone in the waiting room. At 8:00pm I was 10 centimeters! The nurse told me that I would feel the need to push. I remember thinking she was crazy at the time, but then all of a sudden I felt the need and yelled, “Pushing! Pushing!” Next thing I knew, I was all set up to start pushing. I pushed 3 to 4 times for about 6 contractions. Our doctor came in at 8:20pm and 3 minutes later our baby girl made her way into this world.
The doctor placed her on my chest and I couldn’t believe what I had just done. Tim asked, “It’s a girl, right?” Too funny. Our family came in to visit once she had been cleaned off and had all her tests done. It was truly amazing to see everyone meet Charlotte.
Even though I had major complications once everyone left, Charlotte’s birth was and still is amazing to me. For her, I would do it all over again.
My bones shake from the sight of you. You stole a part of me, one I’ve slowly over the year grown stronger as to try and rebuild. You’ll never know how you remain in my mind, when I myself chose to run from your very own. You have no clue,
how I can barely stand when my eyes interlock with those same eyes that looked down at me, and without hesitation, continued your cause. It feels like yesterday, when I wore my black dress and played Bad Reputation on repeat. I was so prepared for an evening of adventures, and low and behold, did I get lost in the adventure you chose to travel
did I lose myself, when you left me, when a part of me
left with you too.
Why must my first true conversations with people be hella awkward. shit like who has outdone the other in being irresponsible with their electronic appliances, aka phones, lap tops etc. fuck it. actually, i didn’t initiate it when it happened. and it was funny as fuck. no regrets (for sure) ;)
i was going to go into this metaphor about my heart, but then i realized that vivian is the only one that would get it and find it amusing. sad life.