“The mower stalled, twice; kneeling, I found A hedgehog jammed up against the blades, Killed. It had been in the long grass. I had seen it before, and even fed it, once. Now I had mauled its unobtrusive world Unmendably. Burial was no help: Next morning I got up and it did not. The first day after a death, the new absence Is always the same; we should be careful Of each other, we should be kind While there is still time.”—Philip Larkin, The Mower.
A B A D D O N
the ground shakes as she walks —
& to see her is to face death.
her s c r e a m is as an omen for the people;
an omen of disaster to come.
she is every force of nature contained in one vessel
all at once.
A B A D D O N.
I saw a blackbird on night
he blocked out the stars and the moon.
I was saddened to see this small black bird,
because I knew he would fly away soon.
And not because he was not a good thing,
And not becuase he needed to go.
I watched as he fell, that small black bird.
Simply because he was darker than the sky that I viewed.
The last stanza of a poem I wrote two years ago called Before the War... I still can't believe I wrote this.
This is the rollercoaster I can chase,
This is the permanent ink I can erase,
This is the end I hoped for,
This is the longing, the craving I ignore,
I can commence comprehending this distress,
Cease fire before the war even begins.
surat untuk sayangku
sayang, jangan biarkan aku menggenggam tanganmu bila kau tidak mau. jangan biarkan air mataku tertahan di balik kelopak mata, membuatnya terasa sakit dan tertusuk sembilu.
kau tahu kerjap mataku yang meminta. kau tahu kata-kataku yang bertanda. karena itu, jangan biarkan anak kecil ini termanjakan. jangan biarkan aku terbiasa atasmu, karena kau tahu, kalau nanti kau pergi begitu saja, aku bisa terserang rindu.
sayang, jangan biarkan aku menunggu. aku tidak minta kau datang menghampiriku; tak usah datang bila kau tak mau. yang aku mau kau hapuskan dirimu, jangan buat aku menginginkan kepingan yang lebih dari dirimu, membuatku gagu dan terjebak di ujung ragu.
karena bila ada yang berharap aku dan kau jadi kita, biarkanlah kita berjalan sendiri-sendiri hingga akhirnya saling bertemu. atau mungkin, kau bisa memanduku, membiarkan aku menyingkapkan diriku dan belajar untuk mencintamu, mencari tahu dan berjalan bersamamu.
tapi sayang, jangan biarkan aku menggenggam tanganmu bila kau tak mau.
If you knew I was dying would it change you?
Hollowing out, stoned, alone, heart concealing, never share those feelings, all while revealing truths of a faded kingdom, of broken dreams. The light is right. When I see you my heart attempts to rise, but then I remember what’s left alive. I’ve been drowning since birth. This air is thickening, stop the breath of negativity. My arms are reached out, my soul will float above me, and I will hold this love within in me till I fucking drop. I am alone, all no fault but my own(As if anyone even cared). Sitting here boiling in the muck…Why did I put myself here(Falling apart over again)? I’m not the same, too much has changed, where the fuck is my solace? No solace, just a road of thorns. I’ll write my shit, and you’ll question it. I just fucked up(I admit; we all fuck up.). It’s all just some sick dare. Good and evil; I don’t care about that! Love is gone! No!(it can’t be(please)) Not some game for you to stare into(am I?). Be aware, I am alone, and my dreams are with you. Take care…I may never heal. My heart will die where I reside in pain. I’m savoring this hurt I feel. Drowning myself in all this fucking anguish…When all along I just wanted someone to love. I’m alive, can you feel my reality suffer? I will spurt I love the, and you will spit before me. I’m connected to your reality tunnel. Oh yea the child inside myself cried, died a little more, for all the hardship, all the lies. I feel you, can you feel me? I’m alive, I’m fucked up..just as you. I have your name around my wrist, in my mind, sitting on the tip of my lips. What do you want from me? What am I to you? Can I just have you? Why is it so fucking hard? I’m just as lost…just as broken…I’mm alive…just trying to find myself along with you.
Be proud of your poetry. Seriously. I’m still proud of my 9-year-old self that was in poetry club.. I still remember some of my poems I wrote in poetry club. And damnit it, I love them. You should love yours too. (:
NO. MY POETYR POOP WAs poop. I’m not kidding, I was a little emo tool like. I could punch myself I mean.
Because the sky is pretty bright today and that smile, oh that smile always seems to take the pain away because you’re the light, the sunshine on my cloudy day and no cliche could ever describe how you make everything seem…okay. And that was a lot of rhymes in not a lot of time so let’s stop for a second and take this shit in. Because, you are kind of my every-thing. So I ask you. No, I beg you. Do not let the extremities of my words lead you to believe that this is not for real. I speak with a heavy heart because I could never disguise the way you make me feel - with those eyes. Those eyes, those God damn eyes. You know, I’ve never smoked a joint before but who needs to when you give me a natural high. I’m just here to get you in line. Make sure that you know I could never go on without your hand in mine. So promise me you won’t ever forget that, sunshine.
To die young
Your olden years never been
Never see your wrinkled
I think it would be
To die young
Full of life and love
It would be a beautiful thing
to live your last days on earth
With not death approaching you
but you running to meet it
Before it has a chance to steal you