Hello everybody, my name is Bryon Beaubien. You probably know me better as “Psyguy”. Recently there has been a lot of controversy concerning myself and various claims. I am not here to call anybody out or throw anybody under the bus. I am here, however, to clear up some things and explain my experience over the last couple of months.
Several of those aformentioned claims consisted of alligations of pedophila. This just simply isn’t true. There are zero police records or court records to back up these claims. Nothing physical has ever even remotely transpired and it never will. I have also been accused of being a predator. Again, there are no legal documents to support these claims. I have been to dozens and dozens of conventions and there has never been a single incident. I’ve had no trouble with any convention staff or attendees on any level in my several years as an attendee. Again, nothing physical of that nature has ever occurred.
However, I have said and made jokes or statements online that I found amusing (at the time) that were not only in poor taste but I realize they have upset a large number of people. This was never my intention and I am truly and deeply sorry. I have been in quite a lot of mutual arguments online and looking over at the things I said I wish I would of said things differently. There are quite a lot of examples where I get extremely melodramatic and, for this, I apologize. A lot of what has been brought up are things I said when I was in my early twenties to even when I was a 17-year-old. I was childish and immature and I apologize for my actions and how many people were affected by what I said. I never thought, in a million years, anyone would ever care about what I said so I said whatever I thought was funny. And, it didn’t matter who it was to. If I thought it was funny I was going to say it. The recent reactions made me see what I was doing was wrong and were labeled as abusive. I never saw it that way and all I can do is apologize and try to make amends/be a better person from this.
I’m going to elaborate more on why I thought nobody would care. Let me be clear - this is not an excuse but merely an explanation. I come from a broken family that only broke more as time went on. My biological father left me when I was a small child and that trend of leaving only persisted as I got older. My family and I moved around a lot. I was born in Anchorage, Alaska and at age 8 we moved to Ohio. We spent a year in Ohio and then I was off to Texas. I didn’t have a lot of time to make any friends so I spent most of my time alone. (I swear this has a point and I’m sorry it’s long winded.) My cousins would visit for the summer and they were like my brothers and sisters I never had. One of these cousins, “Brittany”, converted to scientology and my family didn’t like this choice in any capacity. A family member and “Brittany” had a huge fight that would rip my family clean down the middle and would profoundly disturb me. I didn’t see aunts, uncles, or cousins anymore. It became a source of serious negativity and the family I cherished so much was constantly at war with each other. I became more reclusive and withdrew into the computer and the online world. - Where I tried to fill the void with mindless online achievements to build up my self-esteem.
That was my objective. Get popular. People will respect me if I’m popular. It didn’t matter what it was just as long as I was popular. I switched around from so many projects because I didn’t make anything for the sake of art - I did it because I thought it would catch on. I also took on this very boisterous and extremely loud personality. A very outspoken and curt personality. That’s what I thought demanded respect. The funny guys on the edge of what’s acceptable. Somewhere along the way I lost sight of what was appropriate. I didn’t have a lot of friends and for several years my relationships were all very toxic. There was a lot of yelling and screaming on both sides. When I moved out I lived by myself and I would go to this awful job and come home to nothing except a relationship that consisted of nothing but negativity. I left that job and spent half a year wandering around like an idiot and when I finally got a job someone broke into my home and put a gun to my head. I stopped caring. I stopped caring about myself and I gained a significant amount of weight. I didn’t care what I said. Who I said it to. It didn’t matter. All I wanted was to be popular so I could fill the void I had inside of me since I was a child. I wanted to validate my existence and I would do whatever I wanted and no one would tell me otherwise. I didn’t matter to my biological father. I didn’t matter to my cousins and aunts. I didn’t matter to my job. I didn’t think anyone would ever think I mattered or hold anything I said with any reverence or weight. I felt like what I said had a very short shelf life and people would just forget it and move on to something actually important.
I was a fool. I unknowingly and blindly hurt a lot of people and I am deeply sorry. I was misguided and I had my objectives and values completely backwards. I spent a long time, recently, trying to get my thoughts together and tried to find a reason to go on. I want to make things right.
When this whole thing started to unfold I was absolutely flabbergasted at how many people were eager to come for my throat so quickly. My immediate reaction was anger. I wanted vengeance. I would do anything in my power to make them pay. But that wasn’t me. I didn’t want to start a huge online war so I tried to keep quiet about it. Which only made things worse.
I shut down. Completely.
I already didn’t like myself. When I saw how many notes things were getting and videos were being made - I was severely depressed.
When I saw people I respected leaving, people who I thought were my friends speak out against me - I hated myself.
When I got a text from one of my friends saying he didn’t want to see me anymore at a convention - I wanted to kill myself.
I wished for death.
An animator I respect made a video and he said that “his silence is telling”. My silence was me waking up after barely getting any sleep for the umpteeth time and seeing nothing but my friends and people I cared about saying the most horrible things imaginable. I didn’t want to be alive anymore. My silence wasn’t cowardice. My silence was desperation. I got a lawyer and he advised me to make a very short statement. I had wrote a much longer statement originally but was advised otherwise. My silence wasn’t “telling” my silence was me trying to climb out and at least, at the very least, try to stop hating myself. I don’t know who I saw in the mirror but I knew I wanted him dead. Just as I’m sure everybody else did.
For 2 months I was morbidly and unequivocally depressed.
There were a couple videos made early on and in my frustration and confusion I issued a copyright claim. Several weeks later after I had decided to just shut the hell up - YouTube would arbitrarily decide to care, go through with the claim, and people thought I was actively doing that right then and there weeks after the fact. Which was wonderful.
I have been involved in the Sonic fandom since I was 14. Sega has never given a damn that I existed. Ever. Several weeks after this started Sega would post my art on their official twitter feed which resulted in the fires just being relight for my head on a pike.
The universe was laughing at me. God was laughing at me. My entire life was filled with nothing but people leaving me and me losing things I loved. God didn’t want me to be here. I was a mistake.
I had a disgruntled family member make a couple accounts to try and “fight” what was going on. This was done behind my back without my consent and those accounts were not me. I wanted to be completely quiet. I was too depressed to do anything else. When I hit the road my friends and family became the next targets. My mother, who is 60 years old, was suddenly the target of this. When that wasn’t enough my friends were next. Anyone who was remotely connected with me became targets. I had no choice but to do something.
I hired a lawyer and sent off 3 very real cease and desist letters. I didn’t want to do this. With every fiber of my being I didn’t want to do this. I was given no choice.
Several months have past and I kept having these urges of coming back - but they would be squashed because what was the point? To build up my ego? That’s a stupid reason to come back. No, if I were to come back it would be to help out others and not just myself. If I were to do something with my online celebrity it would be to help out others than just myself. I’m going to try and use this negativity and hopefully turn it into something positive.
I am not a predator and I am not a pedophile. Like I said before, there are no legal documents to support these claims in any capacity. Nothing physical in that sense ever transpired and it never will. I was a very depressed and confused person for a major part of my life and I’m sorry that my careless words and actions have caused so many people anguish. I never wanted this and, from the bottom of my heart, I am deeply sorry.
I just want to make people laugh again - and to help others. Actually have a reason for producing content. That’s all I want.
It’s kind of weird. In the end I think things got way out of hand and didn’t need to escalate to the level they did. On the other hand, I’m glad they did because it was a wake up call that I was upsetting so many people. I never had any intention of hurting anybody and profusely apologize. It took something of this magnitude to make me realize what I was doing was not good and I want to desperately change.
I want things to be peaceful. I want to calmly resolve any issues people might have with me and if you’re willing I would love to try and talk with you. My e-mail is firstname.lastname@example.org and if you would like some resolution or solace I would love nothing more than to give that to you. If you don’t have any intentions for resolution I just ask that you stop the hate and negativity. I am offering open communication to anyone who wants to peacefully resolve anything and if that’s beyond you then I plead with you to please just walk away. Please don’t seek destruction. Please don’t seek anger. I implore you to please be peaceful and rational.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you have any questions or just want to talk about this my e-mail is right there and I will be more than happy to talk to you.