~nostalgia

Mi chiedevo chi fra i due avesse sbagliato, se io oppure tu. So che ho davvero un brutto carattere e tu sei all’apparenza così forte ma dentro così fragile, che con un abbraccio si sentono tutte le tue paure e le tue sofferenze. Mi chiedevo se avessi sbagliato io a crederci troppo, per una che non crede a niente. Oppure se avessi sbagliato tu, sembravi così sincero e invece volevi solo una compagnia per la solitudine che ti porti dentro. Mi chiedevo se avessimo potuto evitarci quel giorno, ma come si fa ad evitare un sorriso così? Mi chiedevo se avessimo potuto aggiustare tutto, non arrivando a questo punto, tu mi eviti e io sto male, ti evito io e stai male tu. Mi chiedevo se senti ancora la mia mancanza, nelle giornate di pioggia o quando guardi il cellulare e non ci sono né le mie chiamate né i miei messaggi. Se cerchi il mio profumo tra le altre. Se quando cammini in strada da solo, non senti il bisogno delle mie mani che stringono le tue. Se quando vai a dormire, non pensi prima a come ti piaceva quando ti baciassi e ti toccassi. Se alle 2.30 del mattino, non ti viene voglia di chiamarmi per sentire la mia voce e ridere insieme mezzi addormentati. Se quando i prof parlano, non ti perdi almeno un po’ per pensare a quanto ti piaceva così tanto stringermi a te. Mi chiedevo se hai ancora paura di perdermi e se ti vengono i crampi allo stomaco quando mi vedi con un altro. Mi chiedevo se tra tutta questa merda, mi sceglieresti ancora. Perché io, lo farei.
—  ridomentredentrostomorendo
Nostalgia

And once again despair is kissing me
With her cold ghostly lips
My own destruction is leading me to my grave
That I digged for many times
And once again I’m becoming a spectral thought
Forgotten, sad, miserable shit
As I fall into the black spheres among lonely memories
You’ve broken us, piece by piece

The score of my soundtrack is written by blood
Music of suicide written in red
I did it myself, my wrists are also opened
And like my tears, it’s cascading
Everything has been lost behind us
On my knees, hands on my face
The sun is appearing into the spring morning
Where I’m lying there’s just nothing than my dust

Now you don’t care about him
You live on the other side of feelings
But our February snow
Is now covering my lifeless body

In order to relearn how to draw Medic, I checked my old drawings and got hit by nostalgia

Clockwise from top: pencilstab's Vaughn, classy-doctor's Kai, Amelia (mine), mediscout's Christof (center), solemn-vow's Alois, and littlebucket's Maud

Lookit all these Medics ;_; I miss them so much

There are some things
Which we are destined to lose,
No matter what we think
No matter what we do.
I bet it often happens to you, too.
You look for something
For months and months
Without being able to find it.
And then one day
That thing comes back to you
On its own,
When you least expect it.
Then you think
‘From now on
I’m going to look after it,
I won’t lose it again’
But then for some twist of fate
That thing disappears again.
You keep losing it
And you keep looking for it,
Without understanding
That by now you could do
Perfectly fine without it.
You’re okay, on your own.
You don’t need
Anything or anyone
To remind you that.
You’re not fragile
You are delicate.
And you are resistant
To everything.
Nothing can scratch you,
Even if when you walk
You stumble a lot.
Even if you can’t open
Marmalade jars by yourself.
Even if it still takes you ages
To give yourself a chance.
Breathe, you’re okay.
Don’t lose yourself again
In the hope that someone might
Start looking for you
And bring you back home.
—  M.B, On your tiptoes
8

A year ago, I deleted my original blog by mistake. It was 4 years of a life and I deleted because I’m pretty much a stupid idiot. I cried while I emailed staff and they said they couldn’t do shit about it. I still resent them for it.

Anyway… Deleting that blog turned out to be a great thing. Sure, I miss my old posts and the nostalgia that came with it but I’ve met some wonderful new people and those that refollowed will always have a place in my heart. The fact you refollowed trash means a lot. <3 So here’s my thank you for following me and reblogging and liking my posts. I can’t promise that one of these days the blog will stop being trash and start being a quality blog. Joking. Tumblr is a weird place but there’s pretty cool and kick ass boys and girls on this site. Thank you for being amazing. The bold ones are the SQUAD.

A-C : ajleesabs ajleesus alyawhi ambrallins awwbednadir babyfaceziggler bastillemalik beaniegirll bigelangston bryansbeard carriecutters ccireus chrisjerichoo christinavoneeries clarkegrifffins cmless cmpunkarmy cmskunk corporateministry countrybarbie- crazedlunatics curthawkinsgoesthriftshopping

D-F : danieltiberiushavoc dawlfziggles dbryisgod deanambrowse deanee-stuff deanikki devilsfavouritediva dirtysdeed elliexshelley embrozs explicitdeeds fabj0hn fightcandicefight frackididly fyeahambrose

G-J : glamslams harryismystupid hiitsmekevin houndsofmoxley jamesrodriguezs jeremythemvp jerryscantrell jerseydevil-kate jimdrugfree joecarrollghost jokerisms

K-N : keepitfivestar kevinsinzayn khaleesiangelica killercarter kingromansreign lexis-the-stick-figure lonestargreat majorbrothers make-me-beg-for-it marissa-coopers mattduchenne mcmahonism melina-perez mickeymilkovixh nerdysuccess nicolesbella nikkibesus nopebrose

O-S : paigeaj paigescream paigetapout paigeturning pipebombshell portugalnt primadorton punctures punkedbyambrosee robvandamdatass rrreigns samizayn scott-mccall-me scumbagseth shawzerz soijn starbrose stephslays stillree stretchmuffled stylesclashed stylesclashh sunsethflips superkickparty

T-Z : the-legendofsara theepicg theinsanityinc theprincebalor thorinsism turntuptigerwoods twerkforambrose tylarblack tylrblacks varsityxvixen xinfinite-foreverx xxplosionz yourlittledecoyxox zackryders

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