Aries - love will take over your body like a fever in a dream, but the things you will do when your mind isn’t under your control anymore will be so beautiful; don’t treat this like an illness when really it’s the sweetest revolution you’ll ever see.

Taurus - if you don’t know what you want, nobody else ever will either.

Gemini - it’s okay to be selfish with yourself; you don’t have to share the parts of you that you want all to yourself, and you don’t have to show yourself to anybody who isn’t worth your trust.

Cancer - I am locked doors and shaky stairs, but you always look at me like a child with Christmas lights reflected in their eyes; you know how to find something worth loving where others might only see something that’s too rusty to ever be anything but frustrating.

Leo - people buy diamonds with no thought of the suffering hidden in their beauty; cigarettes can kill you, but people still breathe them like it’s okay if their last breath comes early as long as it tastes like relief. that is to say, it is easy to put aside the truth when your desire takes over, but it is never the kindest choice.

Virgo - you don’t have to understand something to love it.

Libra - don’t think that just because you bloomed last spring, you can’t again this year; you are perennial and you will come back just as vibrant as before.

Scorpio - pessimism might feel revolutionary for a while, but hopefulness fills your body like the full moon during a blackout; it will treat you more kindly than cynicism ever could.

Sagittarius - sometimes people who don’t even deserve to be in your thoughts are lucky enough to receive your anger, but you don’t have to waste your forgiveness on them if you don’t want to.

Capricorn - quiet feels like the softest kiss or the safest arms; it’s like the calmest lake, but you are still lost in the desert.

Aquarius - it doesn’t matter how many showy words you know if you can’t use them to make someone feel loved.

Pisces - if you ever feel like you’re not important, try looking at yourself through the eyes of someone who is in love with you.

—  next week’s horoscopes, maria s. 
Zodiac Signs: Mythical Races

Aries: Werewolves- also known as Lycans legend has it that they were a race of people who could purposely turn into larger-than-normal wolves, but some stories differ saying that it was a curse that turned a human into a half-man/half-wolf monster without his consent during a full moon.

Taurus: Dryads- also know as wood nymphs dryads were extremely beautiful and were literally the spirits of the trees. Legend has it that if the

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stereotypical zodiac signs
  • <p><b><p></b> <b>aries:</b> bossy bitch who doesn't care about anyone but herself<p/><b>taurus:</b> lazy whiny loner who doesn't do anything except eat and eat and eat and eat and eat all day<p/><b>gemini:</b> compulsive liar who gossips 99℅ of the time and is also apparently schizophrenic<p/><b>cancer:</b> *lips quiver* *pouts* *cries* *hides behind scorpio*<p/><b>leo:</b> extremely narcissistic selfish snob who loves themselves a little too much<p/><b>virgo:</b> annoying weirdo who's annoyed by everything around them<p/><b>libra:</b> literally oozing love and sweetness and kindness<p/><b>scorpio:</b> fun and outgoing until they turn into a cutthroat bitch who'll screw up everything you love out of jealousy<p/><b>sagittarius:</b> real friendly but will pretend you don't exist if you talk shit about them<p/><b>capricorn:</b> studies a lot and is boring af<p/><b>aquarius:</b> super quiet and will probably not even respond if you talk to them<p/><b>pisces:</b> *sleeps* *daydreams* *cries* *listens to music* *paints a masterpiece* *cries* *cries a bit more* *sleeps*<p/></p><p/></p>
how to get famous for the signs

Aries: join a band and sellout later and fire everyone
Taurus: become a pap for your fav and hopefully you’re be acknowledged 
Gemini: invent something that’s already been made
Cancer: be a disney star and you get old and start singing
Leo: write a book, produce the movie, star in the movie, fire everyone else
Virgo: you’re not getting famous lmao
Libra: become a politician and lie about everything or whatever 
Scorpio: do something illegal or bang a producer
Sagittarius: become a rad activist and ignore all irrelevant opinions
Capricorn: do youtube tutorials and date someone pretty 
Aquarius: do something really weird and call it ‘art’
Pisces: write a horrible romance novel 

The Signs Waking Up
  • Aries:*alarm clock lies in pieces on the floor.*
  • Taurus:No. No. Bed comfy. Bed friend.
  • Gemini:Has already had 10 cups of coffee, probably is shaking Libra awake
  • Cancer:*Wakes up, sees time, stares at ceiling, cries*
  • Leo:*Looking fierce* Posts selfie to Instagram with the caption "I WOKE UP LIKE DIS"
  • Virgo:Definition morning person.
  • Libra:GTFO GEMINI, I need my beauty sleep, and I can't handle the existential crisis that comes with getting out of bed.
  • Scorpio:Hungover. Has already decided to bitch slap anyone who smiles at them funny.
  • Sagittarius:"EVERY DAY IS A NEW ADVENTURE" *wags tail*
  • Capricorn:Wakes up at 06h00 on the dot. They were born ready.
  • Aquarius:Never went to bed, stayed up all night on tumblr.
  • Pisces:"I was having the loveliest dream... why do people even wake up in the morning, morning is such a human construct..."
star sign shit

Aries: slow the fuck down, like chill bro take a step back, quit telling everyone what to do, jesus. also you think about fruit way too often.

Taurus: you’re like really sweet but in your head you’re bitching about literally everyone, stop that. also start investing in food dye, dont ask why.

Gemini: shut the fuck up because no one gives a fuck, you talk too much oh my god. also stop w/ the memes. too many memes.

cancer: whats that sound? oh its your whiny bitch ass crying. is life that hard you pisslord, people are dying. also stop eating food at like 3am???

Leo: aw you’re so creative and smart! but thats no excuse to be a pompus, obnoxious ass bitch, sit the fuck down you aint special. also plastic bags are important to you.

Virgo: you jack off to rows of perfectly aligned pencils and quiet time, why you so fussy and anti social hoe? also you really love bubble rap.

Libra: knock knock, whos there? its reality bitch, make up your mind on what the fuck you’re doing or you’re gonna be homeless. also you think streetart is really neat.

Scorpio: you crave dominance and control but no one wants to be topped by you because you’re obsessive and annoying af. also listen to more selena gomez.

Sagittarius: maybe stop being so fucking optimistic?? because you just come across as naive and dumb. also you can never have too much gum.

Capricorn: you get hella mad over dumb things, why you so mad? did chupacabra eat your goats? no? then pipe the fuck down sonny. also stop with the hair goals, you will never have 3 foot long hair.

Aquarius: you’re fucking weird? like no one wants to be around you because they think you might skin them. also you love badgers.

pieces: you’re even fucking weirder than Aquarius. you masturbate to the thought of nerd shit like comics. also stop thinking about dragons???

The Best Careers for the Signs
  • Aries:Policeman (YAY GUNS!!)
  • Taurus:Chef or Museum Curator
  • Gemini:Radio show host
  • Cancer:Hitman
  • Leo:Running the world
  • Virgo:Life coach
  • Libra:Talk show host
  • Scorpio:Psychologist (see Hannibal Lector)
  • Sagittarius:Travel writer or photo journalist
  • Capricorn:Terrifying CEO
  • Aquarius:UN or politics of some kind
  • Pisces:Running a New Age shop