If anyone is to read this blog, I am so sorry. I do not mean to be complaining all the time. The seasonal reason that has had me writing in here, is mainly powered by annoyance and the need to vent somewhere. Hence, I apologize in advance -I have no audience.
Today was my first day of application. Went and got some things last night at the thrift shop for the kitchen, because my particular X cannot eat unless certain plates and utensils are available. The other theory is that X thinks that I cannot live without these same utensils and I am not telling.
Anywho, we got the stuff. Headed back home. I had cooked earlier that day. and we rushed to the store as a matter of fact. We got back and I had some work to do for a work-related task. Went to bed and then had to wake up after less than 5 hours of sleep to go to a meeting that DIDN’T EVEN HAPPEN!!!
Got off work early so I can cook. I stopped by the grocery store and got some stuff that I needed to cook something that might last till tomorrow and if it doesn’t then oh well. And then got back home, and initiated the cooking. I cooked, while at the same time trying to tidy up things. While I was trying to get some work done X decided to create some side dishes here at home. That side dish could’ve been the main dish, but no one told me. It’s good that I’ve cooked so we have something for tomorrow.
I should have a better attitude. What it is: I can’t believe I have to do this! X isn’t even asking me for it, X simply expects me to do so!!! WTF I just want X to ask for something out loud. But NO instead X expects things to happen, if they don’t I am a terrible host.
What I’d like it to be: I have to do this so might as well do it wholeheartedly. Especially since I can take the guilt away if I don’t do it. RIGHT! or try to focus on the positives. I am being a good host.
Tomorrow I’m going to have to skip our morning meeting and go to the interview that I am not sure I want to be part of.
What makes me complain today is the feeling of having become a housewife before even having a boyfriend or any kind of a hint of a boyfriend. Shouldn’t I be living a simple life of young twenty something human being who merely struggles with finding their dream and future!!!
I have become a lower class housewife, who has to go to work early so she has to come back earlier than the others and cook something for those at home. Another possible option is to come home early to set up for dinner, then cook something for the next day so I don’t have to come super early!!!
I have the most terrible thoughts, I would like for something like a war to start, maybe WWIII, Just so I run out of options and have only the one things that I could possibly do. I want my life to reset at a randomly picked spot of time and space, so I can start all new from there.
I might be just a little depressed, but it’ll get better.