2

Yesterday I got myself an awesome new tattoo!  Here’s a [bad] picture of what it looks like (hurray for mirrors flipping the image, and for camera angles managing to hide my first tattoo, hah!)  I attached the second image so people could see where the image came from and actually read the text.

I’ll also use this space to go ahead and say, “Read Asterios Polyp by David Mazzucchelli!”  It’s such a wonderful graphic novel, and it really helped me through rough times a few years ago.  It is full of beautiful imagery, great quotes, and fantastic design and narrative synergy.

zeeblee said:

Your tag for the education tuition cost post was extremely flattering. I don't deserve such praise!

Really though. Your posts are insightful and well thought out, or just plain clever. They make my day! Also your avatar always make me smile.

Everyone go follow this blog.

This is a picture of me last night at around 5am.  I couldn’t sleep due to some intense self-reflection and unhappiness with myself.  My default emotional position for the last few years has not really been happy at all, and it wasn’t until today that I realized one of the big changes that has occurred which caused my unfortunate default state.

I realized what the change was after reading this wonderful post from Sociopath World.  Now, I don’t think I am suffering from diagnosable levels of any mental illness (I mention levels since it has been found that many illnesses actually lie on personality continuums instead of yes/no paradigms) but even so the article provides a great description on the importance of accepting yourself for who you are.

Back in high school I was very accepting of who I am.  Well, that’s not entirely true.  Back in high school I never heard much critique about my personality (except from parents), so I was always curious about what people found my flaws to be, but I never got answers to that until college.  I discovered what my flaws were pretty quickly at that point, but they also didn’t seem to cause any problems or be viewed as truly abnormal.

But then an unfortunate event occurred and made me question how well I knew myself.  Even more unfortunate is that during my “rediscovery” I was told that I was very strange, and not in a good way.  I then made it my goal to change.  I have been wanting to hard to alter my personality/behavior to better fit “normal.”  Later I would find that despite my personal efforts I would not be able to complete a change alone, but also that my flaw was perceived as severe and extremely problematic.

I have not been truly happy with myself for a few years now, and in the last few months my attempts at reform have rattled me further.  I had forgotten how to love myself/how I loved myself back during high school and early college.

Slowly over the last few days I have realized that reduced self-perception was the problem, but it wasn’t until today when I found the aforementioned Sociopath World article that I realized what was happening.  It reminded me of the ending of Christopher Titus’ comedy special Norman Rockwell is Bleeding in which he describes how his mother was schizophrenic and he discovered it was hereditary.  How did he escape insanity?  By owning up to the oddities in his life and turning them into humor which he could talk about with friends [and strangers].

So what does this all mean?  It means that I am going back to viewing myself as odd instead of abnormal.  I will be entertained by how difficult people find me to read rather than finding it frustrating.  I will go back to taking pleasure in my style of emotional control instead of letting others make me feel guilty for taking a logical perspective.

Now we’ll just see if this improvement in perspective will lead to improvements elsewhere.

But now I’m done thinking about all of this junk, and am just going to enjoy a bottle of wine, recall some of the great music I heard tonight, and maybe watch a movie.

Snowventure

Today it was recommended that we stay inside due to crazy blizzard snow.  Being an intelligent fellow I instead decided to gear up and walk to the university campus (normally about a thirty minute walk) to see a talk on nanomaterials.

You can’t snow me down!

Behold and despair

for I have defeated the Reaper at his favorite game for the twenty-fifth time.  Tonight I dine on sweets to celebrate my immortality and mock Death for his feeble attempts to beat me in a game of Battleship.  Bow before me and pay tribute to my greatness!

Or just have a normal day like I did.  You know.  Whatever floats your boat.

Changing Shirts

Someone broke their hand, so I’ll be swapping my pink shirt to my work-appropriate white one to cover for them tonight.  Hopefully it’s a calm night as I am not anywhere close to being in a truly personable mood and would much rather read interesting gaming/neuroscience/education articles.

In better other news:  I’ve figured out more about Multimedia Fusion 2, so am moving on to more level design work and less tech-building work for my current game project.  Huzzah and stuff!

Officially Joining the Fray

Today marks the day when I stop just being a paper designer when it comes to games.  That’s right!  I’m working on prototypes for the first time in years.  This also means I’m trying to figure out what I’m doing with this software.  Just imagine a monkey smacking a laptop with a banana and you’ll have a good visual of my creative/learning process.

Photographic evidence of my printshop purchase was delayed by holiday.  But here it is!  Me and my Pokemon Drinking Boardgame.  Now I just need to find some game pieces, a lot of booze, and some friends.

Also, the rules just involve rolling dice to move forward, and I’m tempted to swap out dice for cards so that players can control their movement (this is based on an old conversation with guilelessmonk) and actually show some good decision-making skills as well as actively try to fight other players (when  you land on the same space as someone else you battle).  But I also think it might be best to just leave it as die rolls so that it is easier when inebriated and maintain the easy-going nature of “It’s not my fault I rolled a five!”

Written by Tobor

A friend recently told me that my tumblr was one of the least emotional (or possibly the most emotionless) tumblr that they follow.  I’m not sure if I like that or not.

On one hand I like it since I try to post analytical thoughts in response to important discussions.  But on the other tumblr is also a place to share who we are via a collection of things which affect us in some way.  On that note though, I am unsure if I prefer the method of explaining why something is showing up on my page, or if it is better to leave it unexplained until someone is curious enough to ask.

Either way, I am going to devour this french toast which I just made.  I am going to devour it with my mouth parts, and it will be delicious.

Watch on zeeblee.tumblr.com

In my constant search for silver-linings, a certain experience tonight has finally allowed me to use the attached clip as a reaction video.  I got egged on my walk home.

"No egg on my face!  Not a glob!"

Text
Photo
Quote
Link
Chat
Audio
Video