Do what works for you
Standin’ back from situations gives you the perfect view
You see the snakes in the grass and you wait on their ass
Bite your tongue for no one and whatever is said
Take it how they want, a closed mouth don’t get fed.
—  Jay Z 

Fuck the people who ignore you.
Fuck the people who lie to you.
Fuck the people who laugh at you.
Fuck the people who try to bring you down.
Fuck the people who try to step on you.
Fuck the people who always have to have the last word.
Fuck the people who can never admit to being wrong.
Fuck the people who go behind your back.
Fuck the people who are 2 faced.
Fuck the people who show no respect and expect respect.
Fuck the people who leave you hangin’.
Fuck the people who talk about you without knowing you.
Fuck the people who assume.
Fuck the people who always want attention.
Fuck the people who snitch.
Fuck the people who break a/any promise.
Fuck the people who try to act cool around another person/group of people.
Fuck the people who make you feel like you’re not worth it.
Fuck the people who fake the funk.
Fuck the people who half ass.
Fuck the people who try to act like they know everything.
Fuck The People Who Type Like This.
Fuck the people who always have to point the finger at someone else.
Fuck the people who act like they’re not scared of anything.
Fuck the people who don’t care about your feelings.
Fuck the people who never show any emotion.
Fuck the people who think they’re better than you.
Fuck the people who show no companionship/friendship when you give them yours.
Fuck the people who are ignorant/narrow minded.
Fuck the people who just don’t get it..  

I never express my true feelings...

But sometimes I get tired of holding in so much. I get tired of seeing people cheat on their significant other with no care. I get tired of people who simply lie to get their way. I’m tired of the girls with the prettiest face have people to put up with their ugly heart/personality. I’m tired of people who just stay with their boyfriend/girlfriend just because they can’t find something else, or just because, or for any other selfish reason.

I want ONE person to love, I want to show him the world through my heart, my soul, my eyes. I want them to realize that people aren’t so bad after all. That he can trust without questioning. I want to cater to him. I want to make him laugh that his stomach starts to ache. I want to share interests, music and thoughts with him. I don’t want to “high school date” someone. I want to be there for him and he’s there for me. All I want is a guy who is worth my time, so I can show him this girl won’t break his heart like his ex did. I want to learn from his ideas, and I want to conversate with him. I want him to be able to talk to me like a normal person with no hessitation - shyness - nor 2nd guessing. I want him to be free, himself when he’s with me. As long as feelings are mutual, resect is always there, and love doesn’t fade.. really, I’m not askig for much, but someoen to love.

And love, now-a-days… is an over used word that is losing it’s meaning from every one sayig it without the actual feeing. And I AM MAD at those who made someone who could be perfect for me, or I could be perfect for him heart broken, making him trust less and believe all females are the same. But they’re not. Because I’m a female who’s been single for so long now, so long, who just wants to make someone happy and hope they’ll do the same for her.. Why can I have that? How come I never had that?

I’m getting tired of these “Hip Hop Heads”. 
I’m a very big fan of Hip Hop, but to sit there and act like I know everything about it, Hip Hop artists and every detail about it, is not me. I don’t like that. Unless you are a Hip Hop artist from the 80’s-90’s or has worked with one then sit down. A lot of people get mad when someone who’s let’s say.. are 15 and listening to Big L. Why? Cause YOU think they’re fake and dickriding? Seriously who would fake what they listen to to “fit in”  when theres a lot of other music groups they can “fit in” with. 

When talking about Hip Hop I believe you’re suppose to be talking positive and not being narrow minded about it. You don’t own the artist nor the music, so what rights do you have to tell someone they can’t listen to it? Be happy someone is listening to NaS and not Drake, that someone listening to Big Pun and not Lil Wayne.

AND telling someone their fake cuz they listen to Hip hop isn’t going to change their perspective about it, they’re not going to stop listening to Hip Hop just because someone told them they don’t like that they listen to it.. Please. 

 If you were to ask me “how’s life?”, I would say. “Life is shit” as I always do. And the reason I say that because after all I’ve been through, I’m suprized I’m sill alive.
I’m not the best story teller, but this is how it goes…

I didn’t have a childhood, I never got to go over to a friends house, friends hardly came over, It was school and straight home. Throughout my whole life I’ve witnessed abuse. Abusive parents, to each other or to my brothers or sisters. Sometimes even me. It never got any better. Clothes being torn apart, yellings, things being thrown, other stuff turned upside down. Slaps, Pushes, scratches, even punches would be thrown.Middle school years were harsh, I still wasn’t allowed to go out with a friend or to their house, or to anything. So as my mom would go to work during nights, I’d go to my friends house. And at times I’d get home while she already got there. I’d deal with her yelling, and sometimes beating me. But I needed a friend, so I kept on going to my friends house, and the same thing would happen every time.6th and 7th grade, for no reason, I had bullies. I never told anyone, that alone, I had way too many problems at home, and from that point I lost interests in many things, and in school.8th grade was horrible. and still I witnessed abuse, physical and verbal. I still wasn’t allowed to go out, if anything, MUCH LESS. .

and a secret not many people know, I was raped my 8th grade year. My family doesn’t know.

High school, is when I started to mess up TOO much.I got sick of the home fights, and being trapped. So I started to skip.During the first 3 years of High school, My Dog of 12 years passed away. My baby niece was in the hospital and was rushed far away. A few friends died. My parents split. and I was homeless, Just ME. I had no where to go. . I lost many many many “friends”. My dad had open heart surgery. My Grandpa passed away. I cut myself. I tried to commit suicide. Oh, and 2ce, I cheated death. I was suppose to die once in 3rd grade, but made it out. and Once in 8th grade, but I made it… by 15 minutes.. or else, I wouldn’t be here. My parents would still argue and fight. I hardly saw my dad, which hurt most because I love him sooo much. I would hear my sisters talk about they spent the day with him so blah blah blah. I’d walk to my room and cry my heart out. (During the time my parents split) My parents never got along. They’re only with each other, for me. Which .. makes me feel.. real horrible to be honest. 

And from 2009 until now… My parents would still fight and argue. I can remember once, glass being broke, and I hugged my sister and ran into my our room. I remember seeing some blood. Things on the floor. Everything a mess. Not along ago, I woke up to a text from MY SISTER saying I’m worthless, to get up and do something with my life. . Something along those lines. My grandmother passed away, My brother and his wife divorced. with 2 kids… My sister WHOM is pregnant.. her husband left her, and they already have 2 kids. I had to spend all summer with her. Seeing her cry, and having more anger within me. I lost a few other friends due to death. My mother is strict on me. and she’s… horrible. I got kicked out of 2 schools already. and I’m sick of people trying to put me in the middle of something, trying to make something my fault.. and I’m always like wtf. The more that happened to me, the more I hated people. and it everything in my life… is just a vicious circle.

I tend to have dreams of my parents fighting, my dad hitting her, my mom hitting him. I can hear it in my HEAD.. their voices… shouts and arguments.. it’s stuck… in my mind. At night, even when it’s quiet.. I can hear it so clearly. I’m no one to complain, but for a while, I felt I have schitzophrenia, I now have slight asthma, and depression.

I am not posting this to get pitty or nice words from anyone. But those who care, thank you, those who actually read this, thank you.  I have to deal with this everyday, still today… but..Best thing I can do, it try to ignore it, face what I can, and keep on existing.

People often over analyze things. They assume the worst, create scenarios in their mind, and make their own conclusions. Instead of hoping for the best, they let their mind wander to the worst situation that haven’thappened. It’s good to be realistic, but don’t let your mind’s thoughts bring you down and make you go crazy with more assumptions… 

Ever not told someone EXACTLY how you feel for the fear of rejection, fear of losing them or just the fear of messing up what you have with them?

Every year around this time a bunch of bullshit within Hip-Hop gets reported and a bunch of names continue to be debated as the “greatest ever”. All of this goes down while the memory of the late great Chris Rios AKA Big Pun gets overlooked. Pun WAS thee greatest Latino rapper of all-time and still is…bigger than that though he was simply one of the greatest emcees of all-time period, regardless of his ethnicity. 

Pun woulda been about 40 yrs old this year if he were still alive and I’ve no doubt that if he were still walkin around destroying tracks with a multi-syllibic flow that was next to no one’s cept maybe G Rap, that the game would be just a lil’ bit different. 

Rest In Peace.

I have so much to say, yet when I want to sort everything out in my head to let it out verbally my brain scatters and I don’t know where to start.

And the sad part is, people usually don’t give a shit about you until they see you down. And half of the time they still don’t give a shit, they’re just curious to know why you’re feeling the way you are. It amazes me how selfish people can still be. 

I hate when...

out of no where all these emotions come, and I begin to think….. too much. To the point I don’t know what to think and where to start. When my thoughts get scrambled and confuse me. 

…To the point I get sick of myself.

Guys, take notes..

Whether you like a girl or not, treat her with respect. When you like her and it’s a mutual thing… show her you do care or that your feelings haven’t faded. Don’t leave her hanging via text, don’t promise a phone call that isn’t gonna happen. 

Don’t make her believe that she’s just like the rest of the girls, or your feelings have faded. If you really do like a girl, you’ll tell her, you’ll keep her around. I’m not saying give her flowers and romance her, but just say something nice to her every now and then. That shit hurts, thinking he doesn’t like you anymore or has lost interest. 

Just because you’re a guy that doesn’t mean you “can’t express your feelings” let go of your ego if you want to keep her