I never thought I’d be this scared to fall in love again, is it maybe because I took every risk that came my way? Now, there’s nothing left for may be the right one. Now, I don’t know how or what to feel anymore; it’s just so sad though that I ran out of confidence in finding the right one (this early)
Well now I know, I’ve learned enough, I guess? and I hope. Now that I’m not looking for anyone anymore, just settling for the one-sided love I got used to, here comes someone coming my way..
He was someone very unexpected, a complete stranger and being very spontaneous, he found me.
From the day he started talking to me, played mind games just to keep me talking to him, getting my attention; it has almost been 2 months since. From that short while, I have met him once but still talks to him everyday.
This is very unusual for me. I’m not used to entertaining a complete stranger, I tried to push him away many times but he says he’s planning to stay. I’m not so used to someone wanting my attention, getting to know me everyday and actually from a guy, someone unimaginable. This very different feeling he’s showing me, giving me unsure feelings as well.
Saying that I am now afraid to take more risks ‘cause I’m also afraid that there will be nothing left anymore. This feelings are crazy, far crazy enough for me to actually have for him. I over think, a lot. Thinking about how things should go or should not go. My mind can’t relax. This is weird because I haven’t really known him well and he actually have no definite idea who I am.
I think this is may be the best part. The part where you get to know the person well enough if you’d want him, being friends with him, getting comfortable with him. Until the part where you’d want to date him already, letting that person know that through those times, you’re accepting him and wanting for him to share his life with you. (and this I guess what I learned from his perspectives)
All of these has questions running almost everyday through my mind.
What if he’s not planning on anything, only just wanna be friends with me? or he liked me but realized that I will only be good as a friend for him? Am I just wasting my time or may be should I flirt with other guys because he’s just a complete friend? And there’s a long list where those came from.
Being this new me (I guess) is very hard because I don’t get to control what I really should do, what the right thing that I should do about ‘him’ situation. I always keep asking, doesn’t he want to see me or he’s just busy at work? (Well of course with this thought out of over thinking, and there I go again) and wanting to ask him out because talking to him everyday just ain’t enough for me.
Honestly saying, I’m investing already here. I don’t want another loads of waste anymore. It’s just that he’s taking it much slower than I could ever imagine. I have not ever been in a real relationship before and I’m afraid that he might be just another load of
bullshit. That, I hope wouldn’t happen, ‘cause i really am tired of that
I’m not saying that I like him but I really am investing here already or to say that I’m starting to. I have not much talked about him here since I don’t wanna think about him that much after thinking about him almost everyday.
And I really think this is long enough, I have said too much but may be not enough to really tell what’s in my mind. But to you boy, I hope this won’t be the last blog that I am positive about you. Please hold on to your words, I hope you’re just happy the way I am happy with you.
I just completely enjoy you.