workplace-romance

How Do I Know If The Married Woman I'm In Love With Who Has Given Me Literally No Reason Whatsoever To Believe She Even Knows Who The Fuck I Am Is Also In Love With Me?

John Gray, Mars and Venus, 20 April 2014:

Dear John: I have a crush on a woman at my work. She is several years older than I am, and is married with two kids. I know that this is an unhealthy attraction. The trouble is, I don’t know how to fall out of love with her. I’m extremely shy around her. She walks past me and my knees go weak. Needless to say, she doesn’t speak much to me and leaves me wondering what she thinks of me. For weeks, we’ll walk past each other without any open acknowledgement. I get so nervous around her that I close up. Certain days, few and far between, she acknowledges me with a broad smile! But the very next day, she is back to being reserved. My heart and my head are having a major conflict. — Uncertain Admirer, in Wilmington, Del.

Dear Uncertain Admirer,

omg she totally likes u back

whiskyandoldspice

When the kid mentions workplace romance, Dean inhales sharply. Sam bites his lip and keeps his eyes on the screen because if he looks in Dean’s eyes he’ll remember everything: Dean’s trembling hands touching Sam’s face; Dean desperate beneath him as Sam fucked him over his desk; Dean’s laughter when Sam pulled him into a kiss by his tie. Remember, too, the startled realization on Dean’s face when he looked at Sam, when Sam looked at him, and they finally both remembered who they really were.

Very interesting article that’s particularly pertinent to the Skye/Ward relationship of Agents of Shield. Remember that the insertion of the Prof Elliot Randolph having an affair with his student in the Well episode was NOT a random insertion, but used to shine a light on the uneven power equality between Skye and Ward in the current timeline. That is the reason Prof Randolph juxtaposed his assessment of Elena’s essay with a reminder for dinner. As Skye’s S.O., Grant Ward will be required to grade her performance as a SHIELD agent. To have that muddled by a more intimate relationship, is A Very Bad Idea, no matter how you look at it. If you find it gross that Elliot is in a relationship with one of his students, Skyeward should also be a total no-no for now.

Also, please read my previous post about Why SkyeWard Shouldn’t Be Happening Right Now.

Finally something I’ve forgotten to mention in that post is the different responses of the two ladies to Grant Ward when they were trying to calm him down at the Irish monastery. Skye called him Grant while Melinda called him Agent Ward. Therein lies the difference in their understanding. Grant Ward doesn’t want to be reminded that he was Grant, the helpless boy who watched as his older brother tortured his younger brother. He needs to be reminded that he is now Agent Ward, older, more powerful, able to take matters into his own hands, and that his organisation needs him to be in control and finish the mission the way he has been trained to do. He needs to be Agent Ward, and Skye does not understand that yet, despite knowing a hint of his family history and how painful it must’ve been for it to be his defining moment.

Reader Question: Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

“Today was my last day of work and my coworker that I’ve dated for 2 years left happy hour without saying goodbye. And now he’s not responding to my texts and I’m pissed. What gives?”

That’s an epic snub. I’m assuming you’ve convened the tribal council and hashed this out with your girl friends. Hopefully they haven’t tried to convince you that he was too upset to say goodbye because unfortunately that’s simply not the case. 

Getting involved with a co-worker is tricky and it’s best to keep expectations low. It sounds like you had a bit more invested in this than he did, but that’s OK. He probably sensed the disproportionate balance of feelings and that may have contributed to his desire to move on. Playing it cool and managing the relationship in the context of work is paramount in these situations. This may mean dialing back your feelings at times and having a slightly different persona in the office. It takes practice, but try to minimize your interactions with a romantically involved colleague in the future. In these instances, ask yourself, ‘What Would Don Draper Do?“

Finally, texting after he left was a bit of a party foul. It makes you look needy and clingy, which is in line with my prior comments. His early exit says more than any text ever could.

9th January 2014

We had a visit from our friend Helen today, who was our boss when Karen and I first met at work.
Who would have thought that the confident gobshite and the quiet sensible one would end up married with two children!?
Anyway, nostalgia aside, Helen brought the girls some lovely new books [we couldn’t pin Aud down long enough to take a picture with hers!] which we enjoyed reading at bedtime.

Lonely? Not really lying when you tell friends you’re washing your hair tonight? Got nothing on your bedside table but a well-thumbed copy of the TV guide with all your favourite programmes circled? I hear you. Isn’t it time you met somebody?

As we all know, single people are doomed to a life of ready meals for one, exorbitant surcharges on hotel rooms in Benidorm and the inability to argue in supermarkets, so, in the first of an occasional series, here’s how and where to meet men. As simple as that. Our first location? The workplace. Yes, really.

Doushitemo Furetakunai -

Yoneda Kou

On the first day of Shima’s new job he met a man with a hangover in the elevator. That was his first meeting with his new boss, Togawa. Though Togawa seemed rude and cross, Shima was drawn to the kindness beneath his rough facade. Both men harbor a painful past but unlike Togawa, who was open with his feelings, Shima seems unable to move on.

So there’s this guy I work with, we’re pretty cool with each other, and he all of sudden seems to be interested. I’m really bad at telling people I’m not up for dating at this time…How do I tell him gently without making it awkward between us?


Letting someone down gently is all well and good, but it’s important to remember to be clear at the same time. Leave them in no doubt about how you feel about them. The easiest way is, of course, to wait until he makes a move, and say no - but in the meantime, you can also make sure you keep things strictly professional and refuse to flirt back.

When you do tell him, all you have to say is what you told me - you’re not up for dating right now. Don’t try to ease the blow by saying something like “maybe in a few months” or “you’re really cute, but…” - it only gives him false hope that you’ll come around. It’s easier on him if he knows exactly what the deal is.

It’s then up to him to accept your refusal gracefully and avoid an awkward situation. Not everyone is good at this, so you might need to give each other some space for a while. Remember that if he harasses you or creeps you out in any way after you’ve said “no,” you can report him to your boss or HR. Workplace romance is very rarely not awkward, and it will take both of you to work around it.

Work = Best Place to Find a Date

Given the recent episodes of violence against women and my singleness after a year+ of monogamy, I’ve been a bit worried about dating.

But then I thought, what if I could just have someone interview my potential dates to make sure they’re all right?
Of course my requirements for a good candidate would be smart, no prior convictions, have a job, good dresser…

Which is just what companies look for in candidates.

So why not get my company to do the dirty work for me? They employ over 2,000 people at my location, to work there you have to be pretty good at what you do, pass a background check, and dress business casual. And obviously they screen the wack jobs out and if they’re working there you already know they have a job.

Plus its easier to meet guys without worrying so much about whether or not they’ll kill you.

EDIT: The place I work at is huge, and I definitely wouldn’t date a direct coworker, because drama.