January 5th, 4:02 pm - You’re gone. It hurts.
February 3rd, 4:57 am - Here I am, crying an ocean of salty tears, writing about your hands and your neck and your smile. And how good you were to me.
March 12th, 8:55 am - I saw you across the street. Or was it someone else? I don’t even know. But I felt a pain in my chest and it won’t go away.
April 8th, 3:02 pm - Time doesn’t heal. It’s still unbearable, always will be. The weather is getting warmer, flowers are blossoming everywhere and all that happiness makes me want to cry even more. I hope it rains. I’m in pain.
May 15th, 7:05 pm - I was at the museum today and that angel from one of the paintings was staring at me. I swear he had your eyes, those creamy eyes that took my breath away every minute of every day. I stood there for half an hour, pretending it was you. People gave me funny looks. Maybe I’m crazy.
June 4th, 2:31 pm - I didn’t even get a birthday text from you yesterday. Nothing. I wish I could listen to that flirty lengthy voicemail you left me last year, just one more time. God, I miss your voice. My favorite songs are so worthless when you’re not the one singing.
July 13th, 9:46 am - I promise I’m doing my best to get over you but all those little things I’ve been trying so hard to forget keep finding their way back to me. There must be some things I’m good at, but forgetting you isn’t one of them.
August 28th, 11:14 pm - I was at a very fancy tea shop this afternoon, with old friends from high school. They got mad at me because I just wasn’t talking. Actually I wasn’t even listening. That lemon tart tasted just like your sweet midnight kisses I used to love – I was busy eating it all.
September 26th, 8:49 pm - Another day spent at the library, and there was a book I couldn’t put down because the old pages smelled exactly like your cheeks and your clothes. I think I still love you.
October 18th, 12:07 am - I’m breathing again. I find comfort in the wind and the clouds. I have a new found love for dark coffee; something about it fills the hole in my soul. Most nights I spend on the roof, with loud music, loud enough to turn off my thoughts, and I fall asleep right there and it’s lovely. It rained once, I was sleeping soundly and I woke up wet, and I laughed for a while, and then I cried. I’m a mess.
November 30th, 1:04 pm - I think I am okay. I don’t flinch at your name anymore. I mean, there are still pieces of you in me, sometimes I remember how the sound of your heartbeat calmed me down and how just one look in your eyes brightened my day. But I’m mostly okay. I hope you are too.
December 14th, 5:01 am - I don’t want to sleep. At least I can control my thoughts when I’m awake. But what can I do when I feel you in my dreams? What can I do? I don’t know anymore. I’m exhausted.
January 1st, 1:11 am - There’s champagne and glitter and laughter and you’re not there but everyone is happy and so am I. A text from you. « Happy New Year :) ». Breathe in, breathe out. « Happy New Year! ». Sent. That’s it. Simple. No bitterness. No unnecessary feelings. We’re okay. We are okay. Cheers to a new year, my dear. Cheers.