I know it’s hard, especially since it’s becoming so popular but I’ll try to give you my thoughts. First of all, the aim of feminism isn’t exactly that simple. It’s liberation for women, and you need to thoroughly understand the consequences that embracing concepts like transgenderism have. Less women only spaces (aka. washrooms, changing rooms, etc. that will permit men into them bc now ‘women with penises’ is a thing apparently and srs isn’t even something men have to think of doing to be considered a woman), less to no ability to be vocal about women-only issues like abortion, periods, pregnancy, contraception because as you’ve probably seen, now it’s ‘exclusionary’ to speak freely about women’s issues and call them women’s issues.
Here are instances of men abusing/raping women in washrooms and claiming protection with laws protecting gender identity.
Our voices are being silenced, our experiences dismissed for the comfort of men who think they are women because they experience dysphoria, or now just men who ‘feel’ like femininity suits them better than masculinity. But here’s the thing. Women aren’t naturally made to completely embrace femininity. It is pain, and pain that allows men to keep their oppressor status, and subdue us. Femininity entails our submission, our sensitivity and emotional support constantly- which is why women accept transgenderism because we have been taught to always be so completely considerate and put other people’s feelings and needs before our own. We are ‘naturally’ supposed to be caring, empathetic, not too loud, allowing people to take advantage of us.
People who support trans theory are being emotionally manipulated by men who are used to getting what they want, because that’s what masculinity teaches males - entitlement. The physical consequences of femininity are ghastly as well, like, you see how excruciating it is to spend days in high heels, but women keep doing it. They physically rip out their hair, hair that has grown naturally, in order to seem ‘clean’ or ‘groomed’, ‘soft’ and ‘smooth’, all these ideas go back to looking younger, more like children than grown women on the same level as their male counterparts. Easier to control. Why is masculinity associated with hair when women grow hair in almost all the same places? Our moustaches, beards, nipple hair, armpit hair, chest hair, it’s all natural. Why do we go through so much pain to rip it all out? Who says we are any less of women if we have all that hair and want to live comfortably with it? Men are just as capable of growing their hair out long, so why is it ‘unmanly’ of them to do so? Trans theory supports femininity and masculinity, by saying to “be” a man or woman you have to fit into a certain set of ideals/stereotypes based on masculinity or femininity.
There is a bigger picture. By grooming girls and boys from the time they are born, teaching girls to play with dolls, boys with warships and cars, they show them that there is a difference growing up male and female. That to be a boy you have to like only certain things and stifle yourself emotionally. To be a girl you have to cater to other people’s feelings, and you have to let the boys run things. How do you think it looks to a child to see only men at the top positions, running the world of tech, science, physics? We learn by observation and a girl looking at it would see no place for herself. Women have been shut out of these fields, STEM. Their achievements whispered while men’s printed in the history books. Women have been victims to the abuse and violence of men for centuries, because masculinity is seen as a valuable trait. To run the family, to provide for it, to take care of their wives and children. But women have their rights to vote, to get jobs, to education in a lot of the world now, however they are still being abused, and not seen as equals.
The image of a woman in media is one of sexual availability, the purpose is to provide appeal to the male gaze. You can call it empowering that she’s barely clothed, that her positions are unnatural and sexual, almost always. But it doesn’t change the fact that, ultimately, doing that, you’re making it easier to justify this sexualization and hence degradation of her. Men have only seen this image, that and the nurturing, emotional, sensitive image of women. They are not aware of what it’s like to live as her. The constant fear, rejection because she’s a woman, the degradation because she’s a woman, the entitlement to her body because she’s a woman, the constant desire to perfect herself superficially, embedded into her from the time she was a child, because she is a woman. They will never understand the mental, social, and emotional experience of living from birth as a woman. It’s not a question, it’s a fact.
When men say they ‘feel’ like a woman, we need to ask ourselves, what does that mean? What do they mean when they say they ‘feel’ like a woman. This is the most important, of all the questions. What do men believe women feel like? Emotional? Nurturing? A desire to adhere to femininity- that is, wear makeup that ruins our skin, get treatments to ‘fix’ our bodies- breast implants, liposuction, ass implants, botox, wear hair extensions, get our nails done, is that what being a woman is? Dressing up? Shopping? Looking pretty for men? The libfems would say ‘we look good for ourselves’, but where did the ‘good’ version of yourself come from? The poreless, hairless, flawless, airbrushed, perfectly curvy self that women learn to aspire toward, young girls fret about their weight, get eating disorders, for this ideal. Where did it come from? Do you think it is innate and we were born to do it?
When I think of ‘feeling like a woman’, I think of fear. Fear of men, most of all. Fear of inadequacy, because I can try as hard as I want, my voice will always come second to a man. I think of anger, because of how much we fight, everyday, for our rights to exist, as however we want, we are still picked apart told we are ‘equal’, told we are less simultaneously, told we are here for other people’s use. To be mothers, to be child bearers, to be small and smaller until we take up as little space as possible to make everyone else comfortable. Why are loud women a hilarious stereotype? Because we’re not meant to make too much noise, to be ‘vulgar’. Why is being loud, opinionated & confident traits that are negative with regards to women but not men? Because of the system of inequality we exist in right now.
I refuse to accept men calling themselves women because they ‘feel’ like it. They will never know what it feels like. They will never understand our experiences, our burden, and our lives. And their entire concept is based on stereotypes that are the cause of our pain throughout our lives. We are not femininity. We are not long hair, tight dresses, high heels. We are not by default mothers, or delicate, or soft, or submissive. I am not ‘genderqueer’ or ‘genderfluid’ or ‘nonbinary’ because I reject femininity. I am a woman. A woman is a female, and everyone who is female, is a woman. If she has a moustache, if she refuses to wax her legs, if she doesn’t want children, if she cannot have children, if she menstruates, or even if she cannot. She is a woman.
When we abolish the system of gender, when we are no longer confined to our stereotypes based on masculinity and femininity, then we will be ‘equal’. Then men who wear dresses, who want to wear makeup, who are sensitive and emotional will not be ‘women’. They will just be men, existing the way they want. Women will not have to give up their spaces, their time, their experiences to comfort men.