moriartysweb-deactivated2013091 asked:

you did the random fact thing? weell, when i was 6 i tried to convince my mam that i'd broken my wrist by putting a load of makeup on my arm. Then i fell down the stairs and ACTUALLY broke my arm, but mam didn't believe me because she could see the makeup over the real bruising. It took me 8 hours to convince her i was telling the truth and she still brings it up aaall the time

oh my god that’s funny but awful at the same time, should I laugh?

Okay, here we go:

When I was a kid (about eight or ten? Not sure) I had a light blue and white eyeshadow duo that my mum bought from me. One day I decided I really didn’t want to go to school (oh how little I knew of my future) so I concocted this MASTER PLAN to fake illness to my mother (who was a nurse and midwife for 18 plus years)

I used the white to make myself look really pale and the blue to put even darker circles under my eyes, and I used some lipstick or something to make my nose red and I faked a hoarse throat. I actually got a few days off in the end (I refuse to believe she was indulging me, I am fucking fantastic with makeup even to this day) until she found the stuff on top of my wardrobe with a piece of paper entitled ‘EMERGENCY GET OFF SCHOOL KIT’ and detailed instructions

as you can tell, I don’t fuck around (go hard and stay home, I like to call it)