Part 1/ Part 2
It has been a rough night.
I slept horrible but I couldn’t blame myself could I?
I laid in my bed, didn’t really wanted to get up.
It was pitch black in my room, ‘couse of the curtains (I always close them at night, I have trouble sleeping when it isn’t completely dark in my room. Sehun got used to it after a while)
Anyway, it was pitch black when suddenly something lit up next to me, well okay it was my cellphone but yea.
I took it from the night stand and guess who wrote me… Sehun..
Sehun 10:23: Good Morning princess, I hope you slept better than I did. I kept thinking about you and of all the possibilities why you’re mad at me…
I’m sorry, I’m fucking stupid, fucking dense.. because.. I just.. I don’t know what I did… You probably hate me because of how fucking stupid I am. I bet it’s something obvious but i’m just over here not thinking about it… I’m really sorry princess, like really really sorry
I do feel bad for him and yes he is fucking stupid for not realizing what he did, jeez, why is he like that…
— 10:24: let’s meet up and talk
Sehun seen 10:24
Sehun 10:24: where? when?
—10:25: here, 13:00
Sehun seen 13:00
My heartbeat was increasing with every minute, every second that passed.
I was nervous, even though I couldn’t tell why..
You can do that.. I can do that… Just tell him how you feel.. He isn’t going to laugh at me, right? He isn’t going to leave me…. right? He isn’t going to replace me…
When the clock hit 13:00 o’clock, I wasn’t ready at all. I mean physically, yes, I was ready, I mean I look like a hot bomb.. well at least thats what I think.. the thought counts, am I right?
But mentally, yea mentally, No… I wasn’t ready at all.
I heard the door bell ring which cut me off from overthinking everything.
I went to the door and opened it up and there he stood.. that stupid handsome fuck..
He was starring at his feet, not daring to look up..
“Hey”, he mumbled.
“Come in”, I replied a little bit to harsh for my liking but, who cares..
as he stepped inside, he removed his shoes and hung his coat on the clothing rack. He went to the living room and sat down on the couch..
He looked like a little pathetic child, honestly…
“I really don’t know what I did wrong… But I’m really really sorry..”
I starred at him as he slowly looked up and met my eyes.
They looked sat but I guess mine looked more hurt because his expressions changed in one that was saying, I’m sorry, a hundred times. That showed how guilty he was, even though he doesn’t know as to how he hurt me, his little princess…
I cleared my throat
“Sehun… think about the last thing you said to me before I left.. Think about the conversation we had…”, I replied rather calm..
He though for a while and answered to my surprise with the right think, maybe he isn’t to dense after all,”we talked about.. well I talked about, how you should eat healthier and how you should be taking better care of yourself..”
“Yes.. you did”
“Are you mad at me because of this?”, he asked with a bit of disbelief in his Voice.
“Yes and No..”
I though he would react differently, like worse.. but he didn’t
“oh.. than please tell me princess”
I stood silent for a while, didn’t know how I should bring this up or what I should say in general.
“Don’t be afraid.. Please.. I want to fix this”, he said, he had a desperate voice as he approached and stopped right in front of me.
I took a deep breathe.. now or never.
I decided to spill the beans.
“I was never one that got jealous easily. I never felt uncomfortable with myself. Never had any problems.. But since I met you, since we are together.. everything changed.. You always compare me to other female idols and models. I’m sorry but I can’t be them.. I do not have a perfect body and I don’t even aim for that. I do not have perfect skin, I’m sorry it’s in my genes.. I love food, especially unhealthy food, I’m sorry I won’t stop eating it just because someone tells me too but you… you make it so hard for me to enjoy and like myself….”, I looked down, took a deep breathe and went on,”When I walked away yesterday.. I went to different stores, clothing stores, food stores.. and I couldn’t… I couldn’t look at myself.. I felt horrible.. I couldn’t buy my favorite snacks because I felt guilty and ashamed… You… You broke me Sehun…”.
Tears started to run down my cheeks. Usually I would hide and wouldn’t dare to show anyone my tears.. my weakness.. but this times.. Fuck that.. He should see how much he hurt me..
“I mean, why don’t you just go and be together with you favorite super skinny model or with the cutie from the new girl group or why don’t you just go to any other female you compare me too and spazz about… Maybe you would stop nagging so much than. Maybe you would be happier..Maybe than you don’t need to say, eat healthier, do more for your body, wash your face, change that, change this.. honestly.. please tell me honestly..”
I looked up to meet his eyes.. guilt… guilt was written all over his face..
I took my last deep breath and locked my eyes with his..
“please, I beg you.. tell me…am I not good enough for you?”