You can’t help but watch him as he sits cross legged on the floor of his apartment. He’s absorbed in the latest game he bought, with his tongue sticking out in concentration as his fingers slide over the console’s buttons with a natural ease. Kai silently curses as he fails to beat the level - restarting the game again. His eyes never leave the screen, and your eyes never leave him.
A familiar feeling fills your chest. It’s the same feeling of love and adoration that you get every time you look at him. But with each time it’s always tinged with sadness. He’s your best friend and you’re utterly and irrevocably in love with him.
And for years it’s been like this. You can’t shake him and you’re scared that you never will. You’re scared that any man who’s willing to return your love will pale in comparison, because you know they will.
They’ll never be him.
The space between your ears consistently echoes with every word he’s ever said to you - every compliment he’s given you. You imagine his taste while being unable to fall asleep. His smell has lingered on every one of your shirts that by just wearing them makes your heart clench, as if bees have replaced the butterflies in your stomach.
And as he sits, his swearing intermingled with a burst of virtual gun fire - you can’t help but replay in your head the time he told you he loved you. The time your world stopped spinning. Three simple words he spoke with shining brown eyes boring into yours. But you were foolish to think he meant it, because he was so drunk that on the stumbling journey to his apartment he told the doorman he loved him too. And when you asked him the next morning, he had no idea it occurred.
Suddenly he calls your name, his voice snapping you out of your thoughts.
“Do you want to order a pizza?” He asks, oblivious to what’s going on inside your brain.
And oblivious is how he’ll stay.
He’ll never know how much he means to you.
He says you’re just friends
And that’s all you’ll ever be.
I took your request and went with whatever came out of my brain - the english literature student came out in me so it’s a little eloquently weird
(Why have my writings been so sad recently oops)