It’s just one of those days where I don’t feel like doing anything.
I cleaned my room, did my laundry, and have no assignments due for University. I am living in a foreign city and for some reason there are moments where I feel so alone that memories eat me away. That thoughts of what my life could be if I moved back home swallow me whole.
I am doing well up here. I am about to finish University and currently hold two jobs. I live with 3 very ambitious and loving people and live a healthy lifestyle. But why do I still feel a void everyday? Just going from point A to B there is a miss-connection in between. Maybe I need to make more of an effort to make friends, or to realize that I have everything going for me.
Going home doesn’t even like going home anymore. 4-5 years ago I was living recklessly and not giving thought to my future. Present time that’s all I can think about. Where I am going to be working, Who am I going to be friend with, What am I going to be thinking?
I’ve been dating here and there, and sometimes I don’t even know if I am over my past relationship. If I don’t like something about someone I pick at it until I don’t “deem” them worthy of dating. And I don’t think that’s fair.
I have matured past my years and need to find the ability to laugh, to slow everything down. Maybe it’s just my sickness talking at the moment. Maybe it’s the battle of bacteria in my body taking control.
But I need to delve deeper into creating a meaning to my life again. Into finding something to fight for again.