when dean realized he loved cas


anonymous said:

For 22, can you rewrite a part of Never Ever?

Choose a passage from one of your earlier fics and edit it into your current writing style. (Person sending the ask is free to make suggestions).

Oh…boy.  This…okay.  I really haven’t changed that much since writing Never Ever, to be honest.  Refined some stuff, reworked a few of my older habits, but I’m not that different.  I’ll give it a go, though!  (I chose the bit in Reciprocation, when Dean realizes he’s in love with Cas.)


Castiel stirred and sighed, curling tighter into Dean’s side.  His face was childlike and open in his sleep, unguarded and peaceful.  Dean swallowed hard. Fuck. This wasn’t a fling for him, some fun to be had between cases.  He’d known that, deep down, but seeing Castiel wrapped around him, so damn trusting and vulnerable, brought it home with a terrifying finality.

Dean was in love with an angel. A guy angel.

He squeezed his eyes shut.  Sam was going to tease the shit out of him.

When he opened his eyes again, Castiel was regarding him, face somber.

Thrown, Dean fumbled.  “Hey. Um.  Hey.  Uh…sleep well?”

“I’ve loved you since I first touched your soul,” Castiel said, his voice that deep gravelly rumble that made Dean shiver.

Dean blinked. “Were you…can you read my mind, man?”

Castiel sat up, holding his gaze.  “You think you don’t deserve good things.  That you’ve done terrible things and where you belong is back in hell.”

Dean rubbed his face.  “It’s too early for psycho-analyzation, Cas.”

Castiel took his wrist, pulling his hand away from his eyes.  “The second I touched your soul, I knew.”

“Knew what?” Dean couldn’t help but ask.

“You care deeply, love fiercely.” He splayed his hand over Dean’s shoulder, covering the handprint.  Dean shivered and it had nothing to do with being naked.  “You are smart and kind and more gentle and loving than anyone I’ve ever known.  I marked you.  I raised you from the pit.” Castiel’s eyes were suddenly fierce.  “I love you, Dean Winchester.”


(Like I said, not many changes.  I don’t write in 3rd person omniscient anymore because I like the challenge of showing the reader only what the subject is thinking and feeling.  And I stopped using nicknames except for when characters are referring to them.  Other than that, it’s pretty close to the original.)