also i’m realizing suddenly that im so unnecessarily defensive all the time, And unfortunately the people who love me most also get the worst end of this bc i grew up in a family where i thought hurting you was just what ppl who love you did and then i learned no one is allowed to hurt me and now i take it way too far i’ve built a wall around myself but the big shame is that i can’t take it down. so yeah that’s also on my master list of becoming a better jame, mastering patience, and next time i feel threatened instead of lashing out like my MOTHER i should be calm and reflect
y’know i think my biggest pet peeve about school is that i never get what i hoped for out of the courses i take.
like last year i took a world religions course which i thought would be super interesting! i’m personally a christian so i thought it would be really neat to learn about other religions aside from my own.
but the course didn’t do any of that. instead itcame across as some sort of shitty “spiritual journey” and basically all i did was write stupid journals about how i personally view certain things based on my own beliefs, without ever really looking into actual religions at all. like, ok sure, they had brief overviews you could read over, but those were basically the equivalent of glancing at the first few paragraphs of a wikipedia page.
Just to put myself first and put as much effort loving myself as I did loving someone else. I would tell my sixteen year old self that she is enough so she could learn to stop seeking validation from everyone and become the person I truly wanted to be instead of who everyone else wanted me to be.
She experienced loss at a young age. Through her father’s absence and her mother’s unexpected departure, she learned and eventually came to believe that she did not deserve positive attention or adequate care.
From what I’ve seen, Rudy and Abby loved their daughter dearly and did all they could to protect her (later in life) but those first formal years were so important. Those are the years children learn to trust and value themselves, and instead, what she learned was, she was not of value to anyone…anyone that is, except Grams.
Grams was her entire world, her anchor. She was her guide, her protector, her mother and father. The parent Bonnie needed when her father chose business over his very special daughter; and when that’s loss, who do you cling to? Who could she have turned to…to ease the pain of that aching loneliness? The answer was her friends (Elena and Caroline), and at one point, Jeremy.
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again,she goes to great extremes to earn a place in their lives…to, in fact, be valued, appreciated and loved by them. And considering how they’ve used and treated her, the scenario the show has presented is God-awful sad.
But there’s good news, and that is, she’s learning to validate herself and recognize and accept who she is. She’s learning to set boundaries not just with Damon but also with acquaintances she’s long outgrown…and as a Bonnie Bennett fan, I think it’s wonderful that she’s learning to be apart of her own support system and actually grow from it.
I wanted to watch this girl learn and grow from such stark, repressed pain and I appreciate the writers (and most importantly, the actress, Kat Graham’s) efforts in conveying that to their audience. I really do! I recognize it! I feel it and I feel for her. I just want this character to find that part of herself where she could feel safe and draw from it whenever the storm rages outside.
When You Work Up the Courage to Apologize, Read This Instead
i. Everyone told me you would come back,
and here you are, months later. Here you are,
mangled and bruised and expecting a truce
with little effort on either end of the fire.
ii. I swallowed rose pedals and spit out bullets.
You collected them, locked, and loaded.
I know I did not say all of the right things,
but at least I said something. I trusted you
to use your teeth, but you used your legs instead.
You spread them so wide that you didn’t exist.
I didn’t know that even bats have soft jaws
and run from what they scar.
iii. Every day for months,
I wrote down something I loved about you
on a napkin and saved them like silver dollars.
I burned them with everything you ever bought me
when I learned that life is not about love or money.
You will never find someone who loves you
more than I do, but if I could burn
every memory of you, I would.
iv. Last time, I said I was sorry to a dial tone.
This time, I deleted your number
and two years worth of text messages.
Every day I wake up, I say goodbye to a ghost.
I don’t need the texts as proof that you
loved and you lied. You demonstrated
where the fault lies through your actions.
v. I don’t care if anyone is on my side.
I am not here to make judgements for others.
I am not afraid anymore. Three years ago,
your presence made me shake and it took weeks
to scrub his blood out of my skin.
I am not afraid to stand up to the pain.
vi. You are not worthless, but you are not worth it.
I wrote 15 poems for you in your absence.
That is over 15 hours I will never get back,
and notebooks full of words wasted on someone
who will never understand what they mean,
someone who wouldn’t even listen.
vii. This is not for you. I don’t do things
for you anymore. This is for me.
viii. If this poem was a letter, it would be
addressed to Mr. with no return address.
If this poem was an earthquake,
you would come out with no limbs.
This poem is a tsunami, I am the broken houses,
and you are the flooded streets.
ix. The last thing you will remember me as
is the elephant tattooed on my thigh:
I am stronger than I was, and much more wise.
x. Your new girlfriend will come back. So will the others.
I won’t. So when you
work up the courage to apologize,
Moose caboose texting his human and instead of rplying "okay" he accidentally sends "olay." Human gets the txt and is like "WEN DID U LEARN SPANISH!?! "
Thunderhoof with autocorrect tho
“see you in a *sex” “exCUSE ME!?” “no a sex” “sex” “SEX” “god doughnut a SEX!!” “puck” “S.E.C” “yeah sure thats what u meant to type.” “I did! puck this thing!” “thunder, turn autocorrect off” “how?” where is it attributed?“ "A.T.” “omfg thunder just get here I’ll turn it off LMFAO” “its not funkytown” “OMFG” “F.U.N.N.Y. PRIMAL DOUGHNUT.”
My mom has been threatening to kick me out since I was 16 though honestly.
And she’ll bring up time and time again “What ever happened to that time you said you wanted to learn how to do things and live on your own?”
1) I was 11 when I said that.
2) It was actually b/c of a manga I read.
3) But I still meant it and still want to, but what did you ever do to teach me it?
Instead you just blame us for all your shortcomings as a parent and say we never bothered to learn. And then says how we always ran away from her instead. She never thought there was a reason for that. We didn’t always, but she just became more and more unbearable and never, EVER gave any clear answers and got mad at us when we didn’t just know.
Today was a awful horrible mess but I did learn that I misinterpreted the Yellow Ribbon program, thinking that it was only the school who gives students additional money for tuition. But actually the school gives money and then the VA matches that amount too, doubling what I thought was given.
This suddenly makes private art school without debt more feasible, provided I can do it in 3 instead of 4 years and there aren’t too many veterans going to those art schools.
Have you ever failed a class in undergrad? I'm having a hard time emotionally :(
Nope! but I was close (hello there, gen chem II)! It was very hard, but what an you do now? You can only become better. Instead of letting this experience kick you down, learn from it. What could you have done differently? How an you change your study habits to ensure success?
Why did you fail? Was it a problem with your technique or where other things going on in your life? Remember to take care of yourself. Address what needs to be addressed. Seek help for what needs to be helped. Remember everyone has a hard time one time or another. You are not alone in your struggle.
Meet with the teacher to go over what you did wrong and could have done better
Hire a tutor (some schools have them available for free!)
freedom:hit me at age 7, naked & free like a bird. i glided everywhere, i was super nova child. natural, happy, free. would flash my special smile at complete strangers, love pouring out of me
sexuality:hit me at age 12. girls do not experience childhood, they experience girlhood. i did not understand the gaze of men. i learned what this body could do but i could not understand it. i did not question it.
destruction:hit me at age 16. i had promised myself i would destroy this body and everything around it. food was the enemy, mirrors were the enemy, love was the enemy, there are still cracks in my skin from this age.
storm:at age 20 i became a storm. i was violated. someone tried to put me together, instead i was put together like a Hans Bellmer doll. drunk & bloody for half a year. broken glass mini wine bottles lipstick stains hair clips and blood was the trail i left. unrecognizable.
freedom:once again hit me at 21. i accepted this body again. bright lights shine from the cracks. older but child-like. sensual loving open but still the small storm. i cant tell if i am a woman yet. is this womanhood? it doesnt matter. i am me. i am nothing more than me. i am super nova something again, free again, in love with the world again
I originally planned to see this alone – I was gonna go to my local movie theater after work on Friday, get a good showtime so I could get a good seat, enjoy, write my review and post it on Saturday. That changed while I was at work the Friday of its release, when I decided at the spur of the moment that I go to the movies alone too frequently and wanted to go see it with friends this time. So instead of Friday, I saw it Sunday when my friends were available. And because I did this, I learned what the difference is in seeing a blockbuster alone versus seeing it with friends.
There is none.
So here’s my review of Age of Ultron.
S.H.I.E.L.D. is dead (thank God), and the Avengers have been tying up loose ends regarding the Hydra reveal in Captain America: The Winter Soldier. The most important of these loose ends in question is retrieving Loki’s scepter from the first Avengers movie, which they locate. Afterwards, its revealed that Tony Stark has been working on a project codenamed “Ultron” with Bruce Banner, which was meant to be an Artificial Intelligence system that would counteract extra-terrestrial/extra-dimensional attacks on Earth like the one that lead to “The Battle of New York.” They succeed surprisingly, but it ends up going terribly awry – like, “Skynet With Legs” terribly awry. Assisted with the help of Pietro and Wanda Maximoff – twins that were experimented on by Hydra and gained superpowers in the process – It’s up to the Avengers to stop Ultron before he brings about the destruction of the entire human race.
The plot was pretty simple and easy to follow, looking at it just as a movie. If you never saw any of the other installments of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, you could still follow along with what was going on, despite the mentioning of the “Fall of S.H.I.E.L.D.” Following the MCU since the beginning, I would say that there were limited to no continuity errors that I could catch. A few questionable decisions regarding Joss Whedon’s writing and sense of direction, yes – I’ll talk about those in a minute – but no real continuity errors. Out of the things I do have a problem with in this movie, the plot is definitely not one of them.
Character portrayals and screentime were a bit better in this installment than in the last Avengers, I believe. I’m glad we got a chance to see Steve Rogers be more of a leader than in the last one (and out of that ridiculous-ass un-padded cosplay suit). I’m also glad that Tony Stark didn’t hog up all the screen this time around; I originally felt that the decision to put Marvel’s cinematic moneymaker in the forefront to lure in ticket sales kept me from seeing the potential of other members of the Avengers; more specifically Thor. I am glad he got more screentime in this movie than the last one, and it was definitely interesting peeking through the keyhole of Black Widow’s past, along with seeing Hawkeye fleshed out a bit. Can’t say it helped me like the characters (I don’t really care for Natasha or Clint), but I always appreciate good character development and backstory.
That leads me to my first gripe I have with the film, and that would be the implied romance between Bruce Banner and Natasha Romanoff. The main reason why I had a problem with this is because BETTY ROSS IS STILL A THING THAT EXISTS IN THIS UNIVERSE.Seriously. Both Tony and Thor referenced Pepper Potts and Jane Foster as their significant others, despite neither of them being in the movie. And its not like they haven’t introduced Betty in the MCU. “The Incredible Hulk” actually happened; it was referenced in the first Avengers movie. However, she was not brought up even once, not even as a way for Banner to defend not being capable of being in a relationship (“If I couldn’t have this with Betty, how could I possibly have this with you?” would’ve been a perfect line). Also, the whole idea of a possible romance between the two I felt was just asinine and forced; I felt no chemistry between them at all. Those watching this movie who actually care about/like Black Widow would probably say that this idea Joss played around with would probably begin to eat away at what the character was trying to establish herself as since Iron Man 2. It just wasn’t a good decision.
Another bad decision I felt Whedon made was how he sometimes decided to depict Ultron. I say Joss Whedon specifically, because James Spader delivered an excellent performance with the material given to him. From the trailers and the TV Spots, I expected Ultron to be cold, menacing, incredibly intimidating and absolutely sociopathic. And whereas there were moments where that came across on screen, the moments where Ultron joked around and served as comedy relief always took me out of the moment. I understand that the wit and banter that he delivered throughout was a way of showing that he was created by Tony Stark in this version of him, and that the possibility this was added to his character was to help lighten the tone of the film. However, with both the strategy and the endgame he had, I expected Ultron’s tone advertised to us in the trailers to reflect throughout the movie. It’s like Joss Whedon only likes Ultron in concept, but felt he could make him work in his style of storytelling, which ended up being both a hit and a miss at the same time.
How am I so sure he felt that way regarding Ultron? Because the Vision was fucking perfect. There wasn’t that much of a detour from his comic book origin, and Joss wrote him close to – if not exactly – how he is in every form of media I’ve seen him in. This is also my favorite interpretation of Quicksilver, mostly because the way they portrayed his super speed is how I felt it should be portrayed. In Days of Future Past, it was as if he could control time. This was because he would stop moving to adjust things in the room, and both items and people looked to have been completely frozen. In Age of Ultron, time was still flowing even when we saw him move from his point of view – one scene in particular that I won’t spoil acts as a perfect example. People could argue that the DoFP version was just moving fast enough for him to pull that off, but I don’t believe Quicksilver is that fast. The Flash, definitely, but not Quicksilver. Aaron Taylor-Johnson’s portrayal of his personality was also more pleasant to me, whereas Evan Peter’s version just irritated me.
Also, Wanda’s officially my girl. I don’t think I need to explain why.
Overall, I would definitely recommend catching this in theaters while it’s there. I know that some scenes lots of people were looking forward to were cut out for time – including the one including Loki – so I’m sure they’ll be available on the DVD/Blu-Ray when its released. Those and the “behind-the-scenes” documentaries will be enough for me to justify a purchase of the latter, despite that I own Blu-Ray copies of every MCU movie so far. It sets up for a lot of what’s going to happen in throughout Phase 3, both in the upcoming solo/duo films and obviously the two-parter McGuffin War (Trinity War). You’ll definitely have fun watching this, because I had fun watching this, despite the things that I didn’t like. But more importantly, it’s worth paying a full admission price.
<<Galadriel knows how to make so many friends. Before and after we left our home town she had so many friends. But Calypso never did. She feels inadequate not being able to talk to others. So she seeks out other lugia instead. Maybe if Calypso learns more about what she is,
this blog was dedicated to my relationship with a single girl, the single love of my life, the single person I wanted to spend everything with. Someone I know would always support me and help me grow. Unfortunately I’ve fucked up and I’ve hurt myself and hurt her in more ways than I could ever imagine. I’ve progressively noticed me slipping back into a depressed state, one where I’m anxious and nervous and sad, and blatantly hating who I am and who I fear I’m becoming. She has tried to make me so happy and support me with every decision I’ve made up until now, even though a lot of the time it leaves her sad. I can’t ask for anyone better than her and I am so sorry that I did what I did. To right myself I asked for a break, a little separation, where I can learn to be more independent and learn to make myself happy instead of only relying on her to make me happy. I thought it would be the right thing and something that I wanted; however, I’ve made a terrible mistake. I thought righting myself could make me stronger and ultimately our relationship stronger. Unfortunately that’s not what is happening and she and I are both being torn down and I can’t remember a time since I last saw her that I wasn’t crying. This blog may make me seem like a good daddy but by no means have I been one and I aim to be a better one in the future, hopefully with this same girl because I love her. I know she won’t want me back, and if she does our relationship could never be the same, but right now I need her.
Thank you to everyone who’s given her support and thank you to everyone who has offered me support. It means the world that you care about her enough to protect her from being hurt.
I’m completely and utterly in love with her and I told her one time that you can love an endless amount of people but you can only be in love with a single person. She is my single person and I’m so sorry for ruining everything. Please forgive me.
What was high school like for you? Did you get good grades? Were there any subjects you failed? Did you have a good and bad moment that stood out for you the most? Just curious.
Late night rants w/ Holly:
It was hella boring and I use nothing I learned there in my life today js. They need to teach us how to do taxes, how to buy a house, how to freaking live but instead they teach us advanced math that is completely unusable in everyday life. Kids who were artistically inclined but didn’t do well in science or math etc. were considered inadequate whereas kids who could do math but weren’t artistic were told they “just need to practice more”. People are different and we can all change the world but high school makes you feel like you have nothing to offer if you’re not a straight A student in certain departments. I think I got a D in physics my senior year or something haha. That year was full of laziness. Honestly, the best moments I’ve experienced have been outside those walls. Every moment was a bad moment, kinda? I was extremely sleep-deprived which made me both physically and mentally unhealthy, I was 100% uninterested in the bs I had to learn in order for our school to “do well on standardized tests” (don’t even get me started), I had no passion for what I was learning, the majority of teachers gave us a packet and put on a movie for class and those who did actually teach gave you a boatload of homework on top of ridiculous expectations for keeping up with their class as well as all the other classes. Honestly, It gets better, kids. Hang in there it’s only 4 years.
Somehow I hit a milestone follow thing and I don’t know why you chose to follow me, how you find me, or why you choose to stick around all the time. But thank you, and thank you for being friends too. Instead of a follow forever I want to know about yOU
So I want to learn more about you all:
- what’s your favorite color
- what’s your favorite NCISLA episode
- what’s your favorite memory from childhood
- how many pets do you have
- how did you find tumblr
- what other fandoms do you like
- how did you chose your url
- what is your name
AU where Sehun takes up tutoring to make up for his absense from school but the person he ends up tutoring is in the grade above him and they’re both like “how did this happen” and Sehun, instead of asking someone to fix the mistake, goes out of his way to learn what to teach Yeol (and it’s totally bc he has a crush)
AU where Chanyeol really wants to be a stylist and his first official job is as modle-Sehun’s stylist and then he accidentally dyes sehuns’ hair pink and he expects Sehun to be pissed but Sehun is just like “actually i kind of like it”
Sehun being a fanboy of Chanyeols (bc i just really like au’s where someone is yeol’s fanboy) and denying even knowing who he is when they get seated next to each other on a plane, until Yeol points out that Sehun is wearing merchandise of his and then gives Sehun his number bc he’s cute.