1. robert baratheon
AKA papa fuckboy. the ultimate fuckboy. will manage to turn every text u have with him into something sexual. you’ll tell him ur going to bed and he’ll say “haha and then what? ;)”. tell him ur going to shower and he’ll say “without me? ;)”. will argue with you in public places and then text u at 2 in morning saying he misses u but wont say he’s sorry. he’ll have sex with u and ur neighbor and probably ur cousin too. avoid at all costs. 0/10 would not recommend.
2. joffrey baratheon
learned his fuckboy ways from his (fake) dad. is 100% a straight white boy texting, only the aggressive kind. he’ll approach you with something inappropriate and if u tell him to leave you alone he’ll start sending violent messages to you calling you ugly and a variety of gendered slurs. wont ever leave u alone. ever. 0/10 would not recommend.
3. rhaegar targaryen
the artsy fuckboy. the fuckboy who plays his acoustic guitar at parties. he’s the mysterious older guy who with a hot wife and two kids but is into girls way younger than him. sends u texts calling you beautiful and comments on ur bikini pics on facebook with shit like “You have such pretty eyes. You’re an amazing girl.” tricks u into thinking he’s a good guy, then starts getting super possessive. promises to divorce his wife for u but doesn’t. 2/10 would not recommend.
4. brandon stark
the bad boy. had to repeat his senior year twice, and just crashes on friends’ couches all the time. he butters you up with compliments for a few days, has sex with u, then disappears forever. definitely the hit it and quit it kinda guy. won’t return ur texts unless he’s looking for a booty call. might text u saying “new phone, who dis?” and be 100% serious. he has no clue who you are. 4/10 only if ur desperate.
5. jaime lannister
oh my god. SUCH a fuckboy. pretends like he’s not interested in you (spoiler alert: hes not). has a really particular type (only blond haired light eyed girls may apply). calls u the wrong name in bed and it sounds a lil bit like his sister’s name. plays up the “troubled past” card like nothing else. complains about everything. his jokes will make u uncomfortable. might be fun for a little while but soon u just feel dirty. 4/10, only if you’re into guys who might have a thing for his sister
tune in next time 4 more westerosis to avoid #straightwesterosiboystexting