The sounds of bullets ripping from the trigger startled me out of my sleep.I jumped up quickly entangling myself from my comforter.I listened closer and was sure that they were coming from downstairs.I heard the cry of the familiar voices of my parents as well as my sisters.
What goes through your mind when you hear the life of your family being taken from you?
My head felt heavy with a pounding sensation bursting
through my temples. I rocked my head back gaining conscious. Everything was
dark; I saw no light. My heart sped up from a calm tempo to an outrageous
speed. My breaths began to grow heavy.
I officially felt alone.
I began searching my heart to find Chris’ energy; sadly
there was no sign of his beating heart laced with mine. I couldn’t feel him.
For the first time I couldn’t feel the man who could make this situation
I felt cold, my body adapted to a cold temperature. I was
latching myself to survival mode; cold was all I could allow my body to feel.
I tried to move but I was confined and unable to grasp
myself from the awkward sitting position I was in. My wrists felt raw and sore.
I began pulling my arms, yet they were not free.
The room was still dark. I hear the many footsteps begin to
slowly creep in. My heart sank low to my stomach causing a feeling of
discomfort wrap around the lining of my belly. Beads of sweat dripped down my
forehead. All at once I allowed myself to be cold, but on the outside I was
bearing heat with fear.
For once a mantra could not fix this. For once I couldn’t
comfort myself. How could I when I didn’t even know where to start?
If only I knew where Chris was, if only I knew if he was
still alive from the accident. Its impossible to know where he is, simply
because I don’t even know where I am.
The footsteps drew in closer. The magnitude force grew
stronger creating a layer of intensity to shelter the room. I heard the
rattling of chains sound the room. I tried opening my eyes, but my efforts were
foreshadowed, by the cloth I failed to notice that covered my eyes. The room
smelled of burnt fire wood, the sounds of rustling metal shook through the room.
“Hello…” I spoke out with a lump in my throat. I tried to
fight back tears, but they fell like raindrops. The tears tickled the sides of
my mouth when they fell.
I felt the presence of a body lean in close to me. My heart
slowed down not because I was calm, but because I felt like I was dying. The
agony of not being able to feel Chris when I needed him most was killing me. I
just needed to feel him so I could ensure my bravery.
I needed him. I always needed him.
I felt the hands of the stranger reach behind my head and
untie the cloth. His hands drifted down to caress my cheek. His rough hands
were familiar. I knew them all too well.
I ran outside into
beautiful morning air. The sunlight beamed on my face, glistening and hydrating
my smooth skin. I listened and watched as the birds chirped and the trees
danced in the wind. I looked around my backyard at the swing set my dad had
“Tag you’re it!” my
brother Tyga yelled pushing my face hard onto the ground.
The amount of force in
his 8 years old hand was too much. I fell to the ground allowing the grass to
irritate my cheeks. Tears formed in my eyes, I couldn’t help but cry. His rough
hand left a red my on my cheek. I rubbed at it as my grandma came outside and
rushed to my side.
“I’m sorry, I’m
sorry!” Tyga apologized. “I didn’t mean to!” He began to cry.
I told him it was okay
because I knew he wouldn’t hurt me like that again. I hugged to try and subside
My grandmother pulled
him and I both onto her lap. She looked at Tyga and smiled her warm gentle
smile. She wiped away his tears and held his hands in hers.
“You know why you got
such rough hands?” She asked him.
He sniffled shaking
his head no. I looked at his dried up tears on his face. He knew how to milk
“Cause you gone be a
strong man.” She assured. “You hear me? That means you supposed to take care of
your little sister. No matter what.”
I felt a hard slap whip across my face. The rough hands I
knew were not protecting me like they were told.
“I said look at me Gabriella!” His hard voice was fire that
singed my skin.
I released my eyes from the tight control I had over them. I
opened them slowly; I allowed the tears that were trapped in the fold of my
eyelids fall down. I was now face to face with a nightmare that was of my own
Tygas face was a hard rock. No emotion but anger lived on
his face. His eyes were bloodshot red. He was high. The smell of weed lingered
in his breath as he spoke.
“You been with the enemy.” He hissed. His eyes narrowed like
I shook my head in disappointment. I knew he wasn’t just
smoking weed. He was strung out off other things. He got his fix and now he
wanted to torment me and use his “fix” as his weapon of power.
“No?” He stroked my hair tangling it up in his fingers, and
then bringing it up to his nostrils to sniff.
I looked past him to see Frank and a few other men from
Rogue. They held on to the vicious dogs I was too familiar with. They salivated
at the blood that was dripping from the car accident.
“I love him. You know I love him.” I confessed knowing it
wasn’t the best idea.
I couldn’t contain the truth; I could never lie not even
once. Chris was apart of me and it would be a sin on my behalf if I dare not
claim him. He was my first love and my soul mate. You can’t not claim a soul
that is connected with your own.
He began to trace his fingers down my cheek all the way to
my cleavage. I let tears fall once more. I saw Franks face shrivel and twist
into anger and disgust. He was Tygas best friend, but he wanted me. He wanted
me badly, and felt disgusted by the way Tyga wanted me for himself.
“I thought we had something baby sis?” He used his index
finger to lift my chin. He wanted eye contact that I wasn’t willing to grant
“You raped me! He deceived me. You hurt me and beat me. You
threatened my happiness and caused everything I ever enjoyed to writher away
into nothing! We had nothing!” I screamed as the tears poured from my eyes.
“What kind of brother rapes his sister? What kind of brother
tries to kill her first love?” I was in rage.
The things my brother had done to me were despicable. He
would rape me and beat me when I refused to tell him things about Chris or Last
Callous. He became sick and twisted in the drug life he lived that he began to
take my kindness and innocence for weakness. He is the reason that all things
had fallen apart between Chris and I.
The rough hand whipped across my face again, this time
harder and colder. He was insane, the drugs he was strung off on made him mad.
He wasn’t my brother; he was just a spitting image of what once was. The only
thing we had in common was blood. Not even that was pure.
“I left yo nigga in the car to fucking die, don’t think I
wont do the same to you.” He took the
cloth that was laying in my lap and dapped the blood that was lingering on the
side of my head.
He took the cloth and through it on the floor of the
warehouse. The smell of it must’ve driven the dogs crazy. They began salivating
and licking there mouths. Drool formed in a pile beneath them.
I could only hear the words of her smooth soft voice.
“And this was the reason that, long
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsman came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.”
I was tortured at the fact that I
couldn’t feel her. Something was blocking my field of energy. I couldn’t reach
her. I was dying inside. I needed to know if she was okay. At once at had her
in my grasp, it was in one moment I owned her and now she was captured from me
in one taking.
I was a king who allowed another to
take away his queen. I needed her. Whether I could feel her or not, I was going
to have what was mine once more. I was going to have her heart in my hands
again. She was mine and she wasn’t one that was to be shared. She was far too
special and rare to be lifted from my grasp.
I lay there numb. Whenever she wasn’t
around my heart warped and sculpted into numbness. Without her nothing was
worth being felt. Not even pain. No matter how demanding, I wasn’t going to
feel it without her.
I focus my attention on the white
ceiling. I reminded myself when I was 16 and my mom died and Gabby first told a
nigga she loved him.
now, I stand here in black. The violins play washing out the sounds of heart
ache and tears. He was gone, and so went a piece of me, a piece of what I had
built, a piece of my success, and I peace of what I knew.
gold casket began to lower deep within the ground and so did my heart. The
wailing of women and sniffles of men filled the outside, they too realized what
once was, is once gone.
walked around the rectangular hole, bending over to grasp a handful of dirt. So
cold, yet so soft. The wind brushed past my face as the sun beamed into my
eyes. I closed my eyes, and with one deep breath, I tossed the dirt into the
hole. With the dirt, so went my sanity. It felt like the devil granted me his evil
sin. War was brewing, and a nigga was about to get horrid as hell.
and I both know you dont have to act like that.” Gabby was following behind as
I walked closer to the car. She started nagging the hell out of me. “You didnt
even say goodbye to those people back there.” she continued to talk knowing I
wasn’t in a good mood.
aint tryna hear that shit right now!” I admitted walking over to her side to
open the door. When I opened it she said nothing; she only looked at me with a
confused expression. “Get in the car.” I demanded. She slowly got in the car
still managing to keep eye contact with me. I slammed the door causing her to
I got in the car she was still looking at me. “What?” Already annoyed, I begged
for an answer. I looked away from her to put the key in the ignition and start
it up. “Them niggas uh be fine. So what if I don’t speak. fuck them.”
is wrong with you? You invited all these people here for one reason.” She nagged
me while shaking her head in disgust. “You needed people here to help you
cope with your moms death. All those people sent their regards to you and you
just don’t care. That’s really how you treat people?” She shook her head and
looked down at her fingers.
nobody care ‘bout me. Fuck on. I’m 16 and practically on my own.” I mumbled
before sitting up in my seat.
I guess that sent Gabby in a rage. She wasn’t having that shit at all. For the
first time today she stopped looking at me. She looked at the road in front of
with her mouth slightly open.
I don’t care about you?” She sighed, “If I didn’t care about you, I wouldn’t be
with you.” Her face started turning beat red. She slapped her hands on her
thighs in frustration. “Everyday I risk getting killed, just because I’m with
you. That’s what love is. Risking everything just to be with someone.”
got out the car to go open the door for Gabby. She didn’t look at me not once,
she simply got out and walked passed me. The light wind blew her dark curls as
her she swayed her hips back and forth. She wasn’t fully confident, but I could
tell she was beginning to love her self a little more. I was happy for her,
honestly I was. I just wanted her to be happy in her own skin, even if it was
only a little bit. I walked up behind her pulling her hand causing her to turn
around and look at me. She just blinked. No expression; nothing.
love you.” I reassured her that I wasn’t going anywhere. “I may be crazy as
hell, but I still love you. I’m sorry.” I really did love her. I loved how she
was always so sweet and saw the beauty in everyone, even me.
love you too.” She smiled before caressing my face.
some lips ma.” I smirked. She leaned in on her tiptoes to reach to try and
match my tall frame. I grabbed her by her waist and picked her up while she
wrapped her arms around me.
She was there from the beginning and
she was gonna be here to the end. I reached for my phone that was buzzing on
the coffee table.
“Wassup Drake?” I greeted. “Any sign on
Gabby?” I was desperate.
“Nah man, I called you to ask the same
thing.” He answered.
Not what I wanted to hear. Every second
my heart felt like it was growing darker than it already was.
“What’s wrong with mom?” I snapped my
head back off the couch to find Sommer standing over me.
“Imma call yo back. Let me know.” I
hung up and looked at Sommer.
Her face was intense and she had a
worried look on her face
“Sommer I told yo ass about
eavesdroppin’ quit that shit!” I yelled.
I couldn’t have her knowing about
Gabby. I sat up on the couch and faced her directly. She squinted her eyes at
me and handed me the cup of water in her hands.
“Here, The doctor said you should take
this for the headache.” She handed me two pills in a napkin.
“Thanks.” I mumbled. I started making
as little contact with her as possible. She reminded me too much of Gabby. I
didn’t wanna be remind of her unless it was fully her.
“So wheres mom?” She questioned.
“I told you I took her back to
Jhene’s.” I lied; I didn’t know where the hell she was.
Sommer knew I was lying. She developed
habits like Gabby where she became I lie detector.
I sat there in the living room waiting
for Amber. My heart was pounding out of my chest and my palms began to sweat. I
started impatiently tapping my leg. Everything I didn’t want to happen was
already happening all at the wrong time.
My future rested in the hands of this
situation. Everything could fall apart or stay the same. I just didn’t know
which would happen in my favor. Look down at the ground as I tap my thumbs
The view of golden sandals appeared in
my view. I lifted my head to Amber standing over me. Her eyes were pink around.
She had been crying and I knew why.
Her father crept up behind her towering
over her. He was big and large.
“I could kill you for fucking my daughter.
Not even your daddy could save your punk ass.”
Her dad was part of a gang, nowhere as
big as my fathers seeing as though my dad ran almost of Cali. That didn’t stop
me from being scared. At any moment he could just shoot me, or kick my ass.
There was no one to protect me at the moment I was alone.
Other members of her father’s gang
greeted me. They surrounded me like a hungry pack of wolves. They reeked of bad
weed and cheap alcohol all over their skin.
“You think you can come around here and
put your hands on shit that’s not yours.” Her dad was Mexican so his accent lay
thick over his words.
I tried to show no fear. I tried to be
as hard as my dad, but they knew I wasn’t as tough as him. Surprisingly neither
were they. No one was as touch as him, that’s why it sent shock in my mind that
they would even dare harass or threaten me.
“I didn’t say I owned her. All I did
was give to her what she asked for.” I confessed in a smart tone.
He backhanded the shit out of me. His
gold rings created and imprint on my face.
“Tell me why I shouldn’t kill you?” He
asked. “Tell me why I should’nt cut your dick off and feed it to my dogs you
little shit.” He snarled.
I shifted my eyes to Amber who was just
standing in the corner quietly. She didn’t once try and defend a nigga. Fucking
bitch was gonna leave me to dry.
“Your daughter is the talk of the
school. If you should be cuttin’ anybody dick off it should be the nigga that
took away her virginity years ago. She’s far from the little good little princess
He cut me off mid sentence with another
punch. This time blood came from my mouth. He pulled out a pocket knife from
his pocket and grabbed a hold of my chin forcing my mouth open.
“You’ll learn to keep your mouth shut.
You think you like your father eh?” He put the knife up to my tongue pressing
A loud bang came thrashing at the door.
Amber’s dad jumped up at the sight of my dad and my uncles Drake and Quincy.
The room fell silent. The large man backed away from me removing the knife he
had up against me.
It was amazing to see a man of such large
stature almost kowtow in my dads presence.
My dad walked up to the large man, same
height, and different shape. Father to father they stood there mugging one
another. I watched as my uncles held on to their guns ready to shoot.
“One thing you not about to do is fuck
with my son.”
I watched my dads steady and discreet
moves. He slowly moved the gun from his lower side and pointed it at her dads
leg. Never breaking eye contact he pulled the trigger.