Last night I took my coworker out to her first burlesque show. While they were setting up we were talking about random shit and out of the corner of my eye this old dude kept staring at us hard. Like eyes locked. He was siting just an arms reach away too. It was starting to make us feel really uncomfortable so we moved our bodies facing the other way and laughed cause like wtf. Then a few min later he taps me on he shoulder and says “I was shocked to see that the both of you are girls” and I was like “Excuse me???” I get the confusion about me cause I get mistaken for a guy all the time. But my coworker clearly dressed in feminine clothes and looked amazing. He then interrogated me with questions and why he thought I was a guy and I started to get really frustrated and uncomfortable. Like fuck off old man. And then he had the nerve to stick his finger through my fucking plug!?! Like are you kidding me!?! My coworker was like whaaaaaaat the whole entire time. I get he was drunk and in his 70’s so seeing someone like me is really confusing but being so openly touchy like that and not asking my permission drew the line. I swear if he didn’t leave he would prob touch my chest to see if I had boobs. No joke! Cause he touched my arm to see if my sleeve was real too. The nerve of some people. He left right after the first performance and I relaxed again. Also my favorite dancer wrapped her legs around me and then took my hand to grab her butt so all was forgotten hahahahahaha.

But yeah there are still people out there like that. Who are rude as fuck to gender bending humans as myself. So gross.

Okay. I’m going to put it out there: I think you’re weak.
How do I think you’re weak?
Well, It’s the way your face screws up when in a film when the hero dies.
Or the way you frown, when you’re concentrating really hard on something.
The way your voice breaks when you’re confronting me, over some bullshit I pulled.
I think you’re weak.
The way the sun hits your shoulders warmly; the way you try to hide your smile, when I’m being an asshole- but I’m funny. Because I am.
And I think you’re weak.
The way you tremble in the city when we’re waiting for the last tram; the way your hair is stirred, by a summers wind; the way you always need; another; coffee.
Where do you get off?
Being all smooth skin & soft legs. Feet that bruise after miles of walking; eyes that water; from laughing too hard;
I liked you better when you told me off,
you were the only one who did. But now you only shake your head,
give me that smug, fucking smile; as if you know me; as if you can tolerate me,
you think this is my worst?
You’d be surprised- I’m a handful.
But I can see it now:

I know, you’d say,
but I love you anyway.
You’re a fucking dickhead,
but I love you anyway,
but to help sustain that love,
I’d like an ale,
on you,
for me,
but I love you anyway.

You’re a Fucking Dickhead, But I Love You Anyway,

Day 184

Day 184: when I think of my best friend, what is my first memory? How did I meet them, explain him/her… my best friend is monkeymindscream who is also my sister, so I met her through FAMILY BLOOD. Uh… first memory is when we would pretend that the evil velociraptors or whatever from Land Before Time were attacking our house and trying to steal our stuff. Either that or playing with Orangey and Cherry, which were literally rubber balls that looked like fruit. We were geniuses with names. Explain her, um. She’s sarcastic, and funny, and cares 800x more about everything even when she doesn’t have to. Like me she cares way too much about fictional characters. She’s quiet until you get to know her. She likes cartoons that make me confused and then laughs at me as I watch them (Over the Garden Wall). Ugh this is hard. 

Junior High

Mercer Island, WA

I had a very strange circle of friends in junior high. All of us tended to have bizarre discussions and made a lot of offbeat comments. The following occurs when we’re discussing rumors of another student’s sex life:

Friend #1: Now way, she wouldn’t even take her pants off to give him the chance.

Teacher: *walks up behind us, giving us a stern look* What are you guys talking about?!

Friend #2: *cheerfully, excitedly and without missing a beat* We’re talkin’ about robots!

This is so off the wall we’re laughing too hard for the teacher to get any more information. For the rest of the year any time we were talking about something off-color we would claim we were “talking about robots”.

45. Big Hero 6

watched on december 17, 2014

director: don hall, chris williams, 2014

genre: movie; animation / action / adventure

ash’s review: the first time we watched this movie was a little strange, because it was a low-quality torrent we found somewhere, and i fell asleep halfway through, so i have little to no memory of that. (i should note that this was emmet’s first time watching it but my second, so falling asleep wasn’t a big deal to me.) but we had the chance to watch it in theaters because ireland had a pre-screening of the film on january 4, while the formal european release wasn’t for another month or so. we entered a theater packed with a bunch of nerdy adults who were completely interested in the movie. it was a great audience. they laughed way too hard at the jokes and seemed emotionally invested in the storyline, and it was great to see a big group of adults who felt as we did about this movie. i love this film. i love that Disney decided to make a film about grief and mental health while also giving it an imaginative and exciting setting. i love that three of the main characters are women, all diverse and strong in their own ways, and completely unconnected from a romantic storyline. i love that this movie is going to encourage children (especially little girls!) to get interested in stem fields. overall it’s such a positive film and it gives me so much hope. [ 8.7 / 10 ]

emmet’s review: okay. okay. okay this movie means a lot to me so i really gotta make sure i get everything out right. this was a film that ash had seen in theatres in like early november before she came to visit me in dublin. she told me she really liked it and it got me very excited to see it too but it wasn’t out over here yet. then one of us had the great idea to see it in theatres together when she came over for december/january because it had to out here by then, right? wrong. ash’s flight home was the 15th of january and big hero 6 didn’t come out in ireland until the 30th! almost a 3 month differential! why?!! so anyway, we decided to watch it on my laptop because we both still really wanted to see it together and i LOVED it!! like, i was very excited to watch it anyway and it still completely blew me away. i was expecting a funny robot and cool tech stuff but i was not expecting such a beautiful film with one of the most diverse casts from a disney film in a long time and heavy, heart-tugging emotional subject matter not to mention all the scenes where i laughed my ass off. this movie was such a great example of the potential of disneyand it’s got me very excited for the future. i finished the movie with a huge smile on my face that lasted right up to a moment at the start of the new year when ash and i were watching tv and we saw and ad for big hero 6 that was saying that there would be advanced screenings of the film on the 4th of january! ash turned to me and said “hey! do you know what this means?!” and me being my dumbass self had literally no clue so i just sat there silent. then she said “we can see big hero 6 in theatres together!” and i got SO excited! so a few days later, we went into town and walked into a theatre that was almost completely full! not only that, but there was a surprising amount of groups there who were our age if not older, it was such a nice atmosphere and everyone was ready to laugh out loud at everything and the crowd’s energy made it feel like such a different film! because we saw it in the theatres, it also meant i got to the short feast before the main feature and i swear to god i almost cried. 

i know i didn’t talk much about the actual film in this, but this film just meant so much to me and really reminds me of the time i spent with my partner over the winter and i wanted have a written document about how that made me feel and how any time i see things to do with this film, i immediately think of that. [ 9.0 / 10 ] 

couple rating: [ 8.9 / 10 ]

xxhsislifexx asked:

17? And maybe the story/reason(s) why?

17. This year have you… laughed until you cried? If you think 2015, I think there was maybe one situation like this that I remember. It was the end of my lectures that day and me and my friends were on our way home. (Some lectures are boring, so we struggle to find anything to do not to fall asleep during them. I like puns, so…) You need to know that when I’m bored and around my friends, I easily fall into this goofy mood. Hysterics, if you please. On our way home I told one of my friends a silly joke about two ants walking through a desert and she started laughing at it so hard that I did, too, and when the other friends asked me to repeat it, I couldn’t, because I couldn’t stop laughing. I couldn’t breathe and I remember tears just started to fall down my face (I think I was blushing real hard because we were in a crowded bus then, and my face felt very hot).

Other than that, if you mean if I’ve laughed until I cried these past 12 months - oh yes. Plenty of times and my best friend accompanied me on Skype during those. We basically make each other laugh until we cry with puns or silly misunderstandings and typos, or innuendos.

ask me something c:

I promised myself I’d never fall in love with you,
But it was 4 am and we were laughing way too hard,
And I felt happy for the first time in a long time,
And I knew I was screwed.


Reasons My Dad is a Piece of Shit Asshole

1.  The incident mentioned in this post.

2.  On my way to the party we picked up my grandma and she was complimenting all of her grandchildren and said to my dad:  “Larry, you’re lucky all your children were born with the gift they have.”  And he said, “Oh yeah, what gift is that?”  and she said,  “Well, their creativity, of course!”  and he burst out laughing and said “Is that what they’re calling it?”

3.  Apparently I slammed the door of his truck too hard and he said he was going to “punch my teeth out”.

4.  In his truck I was trying to adjust the seat because since my grandma was riding with us I had to sit in the front next to my dad and the seat was angled the way my mom usually sits in it.  He told me to keep it the way it was because (and I’m phrasing this more kindly than he did) I take up a lot of space and if I moved the seat forward at all he wouldn’t be able to see out the passenger window, and I should shut the hell up.

5.  Every time I tried to speak all night at the party he would shush me, saying I was speaking too loud, and generally talk over me at every available opportunity.

Basically he manages to make me feel like shit about myself whenever I’m near him.  I could be minding my own business and he’ll just start ranting about how lazy, worthless, stupid, and unimportant I am.  That A- I got on that creative writing piece a few weeks ago?  I wasn’t too satisfied with what I wrote, but I was proud of the grade I got, and I held it up to show to him a few weeks ago and he never asked to read it or even what I wrote about, and said “Why an A- and not an A?”  He doesn’t care about me at all, I’m just a waste of space to him.  I hate him so much.


I spent the night drinking Buchanan’s shots w/ you, smoking cigarettes in the backyard with you, laying my head on your shoulder as you played me your favorite songs. We spoke of our past, of the songs you listened to when we were over, and of the your pride and the way it stopped you from reaching out to me even though it was clear to me how heartbroken you were without me. But then I asked you, if you regret it, us not talking after we broke up. We both agreed we were glad we weren’t together and that we had stopped communication because we lived our lives apart, understanding that it was too hard to be together back then. Here we are today, three years later, and I could not be any happier. We finally fell asleep at 2:30am, after a long night of laughs and love making. You woke up probably an hour later to eat, haha. I felt you remove your arms from under me and I woke up. I couldn’t fall back asleep, I could hear you eating in the kitchen and I waited for you to come back to bed. When you finally did, I mumbled in my sleep, “don’t leave me again. don’t leave the bed. I can’t sleep without you.” and you whispered back ok, as I finally fell back asleep. I remember waking up and calling you Jaimesito lmao. Turning around to see your face, ugh, such a beautiful fucking thing. Then we went for breakfast and ate by the lake, with the view of the skyline, and you brought me home. Seriously, I could not be any fucking happier than next to you. Thank you for giving me what I’ve lacked for such a long time. 

grandeking asked:

✷ , ✢ , ✣ !

What do you want to tell me? Put a symbol in my ask box:
  • ✷ I wish our characters were friends
  • ✢ I like your character
  • ✣ I like the way you express your muse

( AHH you are too kind….!! them being friends would be a riot tbh so we should totally throw down sometime, writing with you again would be an absolute pleasure!! )

When a bunch of guys at a club come up to you and ask whether you’re from the North Shore and immediately walk off once you say you’re not =) Oh the people u find in Kings Cross LOL

On a side note, last night was fucking fantastic and the club played great music and the DJ was fucking amazing and the people although weird (another guy popped his head from the booth and started blowing rings at us and laughed as he ducked back and another group suddenly on a whim joined us on the table as if we were all good friends) were not rude or boisterous *Ivy clubbers I’m looking at u*

Anyways, vodka teapots were the highlight drinks, including skittles, fruit tingles, pineapple and another one that tasted like red liquorice ^_^ H/e i snap chatted way too much and laughed way too hard but at the end of the day, i had a blast and i definitely have no regrets <3

I’ve only been home for like an hour and a half and in that time Travis and I have had two very majorly significant yet hilarious conversations

  • We’re gonna split california in half, but there’s already too many north and south versions of states so we’re gonna split it long ways. For a while we seemed to agree on naming the west half “Southwest California” but instead we’ve elected to go back to naming both halves north or south. We have not yet decided which of the western and eastern halves will be named “North California”
  • Our grandma made us a cake and Travis didn’t want to cut another slice since it was “ a perfect pacman,” I told him another slice would just make it a wider mouthed pacman and he said it would turn it into a pie chart. I said it already was a pie chart of cake eaten vs cake not eaten and he countered that it was a pie chart of pacman vs not pacman. After that he wanted to cut a square instead of a slice and I told him he should cut off the crust of the cake and eat that so that when Jon comes out for a slice he’d have to wonder why the hell the crust was missing all around the cake. He cut the square slice anyway.

my boyfriend stayed with me last night and it was absolutely perfect! this morning we were driving back to his house and he said, “it’s so sunny for only being 9am. it’s way too sunny up in this bitch” and I laughed so fucking hard. he’s the greatest human to come into my life 💘

I just got a notification on Facebook that its your birthday.. i hadnt even realized how far into April we were. You’d be 23 today.. the last birthday of Yours i was able to spend with you was your 18th. I only saw you for like an hour but your smile and laughter from that time will be in my memory forever. You should be here celebrating today. You should be laughing and smiling and telling bad jokes and going out and partying way too hard. You should be calling me And telling me i dont get out enough and dragging me out even if im too tired to move. You should be here. 18 birthdays wasn’t enough Carlos. It wasnt enough. Happy Birthday my teddy bear, i love you and miss you so much everyday. Go hard wherever you are.

Hanging out with platonic bae...
  • Me:I'm really glad we got as close as we are as fast as we did?
  • PB:Me too. But why?
  • Me:Because if we hadn't, then you wouldn't have told me you were gay and I probably would've fallen madly in love with you.
  • PB:?!???
  • Me:I had a crush on you the first time I met you. It was going to get way out of hand.
  • PB:*laughs so hard they cry*
  • Me:You're such a dorky little cinnamon bun, stop.

anonymous asked:

"We decided to friend each other on Facebook and then we started talking about weddings (we were obviously joking about that) but then he's telling me to get down on my knees and take a picture of me doing that." I'm so sorry that happened to you, but seeing as your okay and not locked in his basement (hopefully), I'm gonna say I laughed way too hard at that. - Cheech


“Chicago pt 1” “Yeah man! Of course I remember Chicago! How could I forget? After you gave up on her we ended up having sex like a week later. She’s so nuts in bed, right? Did she do that weird tongue-bite-lick-dick thing to you too? That’s Top 10 material right there, haha! Anyhow, sorry, I’m everywhere right now. What were you saying about Chicago? And I swear to God that of you tell me the two of you are back together or getting married or some shit I’m going to laugh very hard. Just so you know. With that out of the way: why did you bring up Chicago?” #01911 #shortwrite #prose #monologue #april14 #26/365 #chicago

anonymous asked:

14, 20, 26!

14: Talk about a vacation.
I actually dont remember most of this vacation because I was reaaaaaaaally little, but I went to Yellowstone National Park with my family in an RV. We have multiple VHS tapes full of footage of me climbing on rocks and running around geysers and other cool stuff, lol. One of my earliest memories, actually, is of a rock at Yellowstone which is covered in all kinds of graffiti.
20: Talk about something that happened in high school.
Once on my way to history class I tripped three CONSECUTIVE times up the stairs. In front of a group of seniors. They were laughing too hard to help me up.
26: Talk about things you do when you’re sick.
Well, I go to school for one thing, which I really shouldn’t do buuuuut attendance, yaknow? I like to eat cereal and salt and vinegar chips and drink ginger ale and sleeeeeeeeep like a motherfucker👌

Thanks for the ask!!!