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Six Book to Film Adaptations That Make Us Sad Inside

We like books, it’s true. We want the best for them. We want them to be recognised for the wonderful things they can be and, we’ll admit it, it hurts when we see them taken apart and turned into badly thought through films.

At some stage, who knows when, we’d like to form a Book Protection League that will prevent all future film adaptations. Yes, some of them might be good, but for every Godfather there’s ten other books left crying in a ditch, all wishing they were never seduced by the brilliant, bright lights of Hollywood.

Read on for the six book to film adaptations that make us sad inside..

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  • Bring Up The Bodies - Hilary Mantel
  • Waterstones Oxford Street
  • Auto-Tuned Opening Lines
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Auto-Tuned Opening Lines - Bring Up the Bodies by Hilary Mantel

We’re celebrating the release of Hilary Mantel’s Bring Up The Bodies with this worryingly catchy tune.

Lyrics:

"His children are falling from the sky.

He watches from horseback,

acres of England stretching behind him;

they drop, gilt-winged, each with a blood-filled gaze.

Grace Cromwell hovers in thin air.

She is silent when she takes her prey,

silent as she glides to his fist.

But the sounds she makes then,

the rustle of feathers and the creak,

the sigh and riffle of pinion,

the small cluck-cluck from her throat,

these are sounds of recognition,

intimate, daughterly, almost disapproving.

Her breast is gore-streaked and flesh clings to her claws.

Later Henry will say,

'Your girls flew well today.'

The hawk Anne Cromwell bounces on the glove of Rafe Sadler,

who rides by the king in easy conversation.

They are tired; the sun is declining,

and they ride back to Wolf Hall with the reins slack on the necks of their mounts.

Tomorrow his wife and two sisters will go out.

These dead women,

their bones long sunk in London clay,

are now transmigrated.

Weightless, they glide on the upper currents of the air.

They pity no one.

They answer to no one.

Their lives are simple.

You too can Auto-Tune your life using the ace Songify app (here) created by The Gregory Brothers (here).

  • Slaughterhouse 5 - Kurt Vonnegut
  • Waterstones Oxford Street
  • Auto-Tuned Opening Lines
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Auto-Tuned Opening Lines - Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut

Lyrics:

All this happened, more or less. The war parts, anyway, are pretty much true.

One guy I knew really was shot in Dresden for taking a teapot that wasn’t his.

Another guy I knew really did threaten to have his personal enemies killed by hired gunmen after the war.

And so on. I’ve changed all the names. 

I really did go back to Dresden with Guggenheim money (God love it) in 1967.

It looked a lot like Dayton, Ohio, more open spaces than Dayton has.

There must be tons of human bone meal in the ground. 

I went back there with an old war buddy, Bernard V. O’Hare,

and we made friends with a cab driver, who took us to the slaughterhouse where

we had been locked up at night as prisoners of war.

You too can Auto-Tune your life using the ace Songify app (here) created by The Gregory Brothers (here).