wantt!

i need to take a break from being alive

i try to understand, i really do, but i’m still scared. i flinch when she raises her voice when talking to my mother on skype. i don’t think i’ll ever forget the incense burns. and the needles in the crook of my neck whenever we went to a store so i wouldn’t dare asking her to buy me something. or that one time a kid next to me broke a wine bottle in a store and she thought it was me and made me roll up my trousers and kneel on the snow as a punition. when she made me eat a green chili and i cried silently because i wasn’t allowed to scream. when she’d brush my hair and whisper that i didn’t deserve jatta hair, that i was born on a black moon and thus represented my family’s misfortune. or when she’d rub hot sauce on my fingers because i ate my skin, and then scrub everything with cold water because i was always unclean.

ohh… oh my god i

= Hhi , i think i’m going to be here for a while but. I just wantt to say this. I don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone. And I mean anyone. I think I’m what someone would call ‘rather unstable and overly sensitive’, so um. Even if we’ve talked before, this still applies to you. When I’m gone you can talk to Jack, but, not around me. =

anonymous asked:

ashley how cute was it in the new sims video when phil was all giddy and talking about the dumbest shit and dan was like im just gonna say were here to play the sims and phil was like sorry i havent seen you in 10 hrs like ??? 10 hrs is nothing my SONS he hasnt seen him in 10 hrs and he has to tell him everything goodbye

lis ten .…. .  LISTE N … .  ON MY GRAVE THE CARVINGS WILL LITERALLY READ “ASHLEY RIP ONE TIME PHIL LESTER MISSED DAN HOWELL AND SHE WAS EMO” LIKE THAT’S GOING TO BE ON MY GRAVE IN MY UNI APPLICATIONS AND MY CV TQ