waiter's

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What Is America’s Wheeziest & Sneeziest City? What does that even mean? What city has the most pollution? What city has the most me? I dunno. Maybe I should actually watch the video I just made to find you. You could too if you want. But hey, it’s your life. 

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Oh my god. My sister told our waiter at a hamburger restaurant that I liked Koreans. And he asked me if I had a Korean as my homescreen on my phone and I was like, “*blushes and hides face* Um…yeah”

He was so suprised, “*starts laughing* OH MY GOD, REALLY?!?! Can I see?!”

“Uhh…my phone’s dead” (It really was)

“Your phone takes my charger. Go ahead and charge it up.”

“No thank you..*cries internally*”

“Go ahead. If you do I swear to fucking God.”

“*walks over and plugs it up, heart pounding as I turn it on* It’s on…”

“*runs over* OH MY GOD, REALLY?! Let me see!!!”

“*Hides face and shows him the pictures of Baek*”

“OH MY GOD IT’S TRUE.”

I must be a rare species where I’m from…

Ok can we please have an AU where Dan is secretly a stripper, and Phil finds out without dan knowing, so one night of a show, Phil just shows up to Dan’s male strip club, and when dan comes on stage, Phil jumps on his chair and cheers and dan’s all like, “phil why are you here, phil please, phil stahp it” and Phil just sits there and orders food, asking for dan to be his waiter, and it is madatory for dan to ask if they want a lapdance, and phil FUCKING SHRUGS AND SAYS, “sure why not” and dan just kind of sits on him, and Phil awkwardly, but so casually, puts a twenty in dans pants, dan is shirtless fyi, and danis like, “Phil we live together, phil we need that for rent, phil why the hell would you do that” and whoever writes this just create an ending, but someone write it PLEASE i need a stripper!phan.

When I go out on Friday nights to get fucked up and YOLO at Chili’s with my gal pals, the simple act of not tipping is the only form of rebellion I’m allowed as a working mom. It’s the only “fuck you” to the man that I have left.

You see, waiters are already paid. They earn $2.37 an hour, a living wage …

anonymous asked:

Do you not get carded cause you look old enough? Are you 19 or 20?

I dont get carded in NYC mostly because my mom is Eleanor Waldorf and the waiters usually recognize me from page 6. And if that doesnt help, my boyfriend Charles usually just slips the guy a $100.

There’s this little Italian place near our house that is kind of a more quiet adult sort of place, so Josh and I have only been there twice since we always have LM. Tonight was the second time.

The food is good, and the ambiance is nice … EXCEPT there is this one waiter who is just a loud showy tool. The first time we went there was a waitress I guess taking a waitress test? And the guy was behind her as she talked to people seated at a nearby table, evaluating her or whatever, and when the poor girl said the wrong thing for one of the specials he made a loud buzzer noise, and corrected her loudly right there in front of her table, and the whole restaurant, really. I was super embarrassed for her. It was a minor mistake.

Tonight, he was our waiter (he wasn’t the first time), and while he was friendly, he’s just so loud and boisterous, and it’s like the Waiter Show. And call me snobby, but particularly in a restaurant that tries to give off a quiet intimate vibe, the wait staff should mostly be seen and not heard. They especially shouldn’t be heard by the whole fucking restaurant whenever they speak (yell).

It was weird. The food is good, just maybe we’ll have to figure out when that guy has a night off, or something.

deadbychocolate asked:

Hi.. Did you notice that in TOW the joke that there is a huge mistake when Joey tells them about his new job as a waiter? First Phoebe isn't there and then all of sudden you can see her for a brief second.

hey! um..nope, i didn’t

If i’m shopping/eating with you and you’re a cuntstick to the waiter or waitress or cashier for something beyond their control, i will give you the talking-down-to of a fucking lifetime in front of them because i don’t want to be silent and have them think im the same kind of entitled dick.

On average, a good waiter who works at a moderately priced diner waits on about 30 tables an hour. At a lower tier establishment, an average meal for two is about 45 dollars. That equates to a gross income of $1350 for the restaurant every hour. A good tip is 20%, and a bad tip is 10%, so working with an average tip of 15%, and excluding outliers, that same waiter is earning $202 an hour. Carry that out to an entire shift, and your same average waiter is walking home with over $1600 a day.

OH… MY GOD…

I Write Snins(Snail sins) Not Snagedies(Snail Tragedies)

Oh,
Well snimagine(Snail imagining),
As I’m pacing the snews(Snail pews) in a snurch(Snail church) snorridor(snail corridor),
And I can’t help but to hear,
No, I can’t help but to hear an exchanging of snords(Snail words):
“What a beautiful snedding(Snail wedding)! What a beautiful snedding(snail wedding)!” says a snidesmaid(Snail bridesmaid) to a snaiter(Snail waiter),
“And, yes, but what a shame, what a shame the poor snoom’s(Sail groom) bride is a snore(Snail whore).”

I’d chime in with a
“Haven’t you sneople(Snail people) ever heard of closing a goddamn snoor(Snail door)?!”
No, it’s much better to face these kinds of snings(Snail things)
With a sense of snoise(Snail poise) and snationality(Snail rationality).
I’d chime in,
“Haven’t you sneople(Snail people) ever heard of closing a goddamn snoor(Snail door)?!”
Sno(Snail no), it’s much better to face these kinds of snings(Snail things)
With a sense of…

Well in snact(Snail fact),
Well I’ll snook(Snail look) at it this way,
I mean technically our snarriage(Snail marriage) is snaved(Snail saved)
Well this calls for a snoast(Snail toast)
So, pour the snampagne(Snail champagne)
Oh! Well in snact(Snail fact),
Well I’ll snook(Snail look) at it this way,
I mean technically our snarriage(Snail marriage) is snaved(Snail saved)
Well this calls for a snoast(Snail toast),
So, pour the snampagne(Snail champagne), pour the snampagne(Snail champagne)

I’d chime in with a
“Haven’t you sneople(Snail people) ever heard of closing a goddamn snoor(Snail door)?!”
Sno(Snail no), it’s much better to face these kinds of snings(Snail things)
With a sense of snoise(Snail poise) and snationality(Snail rationality).
I’d chime in,
“Haven’t you sneople(Snail people) ever heard of closing a goddamn snoor(Snail door)?!”
Sno(Snail no), it’s much better to face these kinds of snings(Snail things)
With a sense of snoise(Snail poise) and snationality(Snail rationality) again.

I’d chime in with a
“Haven’t you sneople(Snail people) ever heard of closing a goddamn snoor(Snail door)?!”
Sno(Snail no), it’s much better to face these kinds of snings(Snail things)
With a sense of snoise(Snail poise) and snationality(Snail rationality).
I’d chime in,
“Haven’t you sneople(Snail people) ever heard of closing a goddamn snoor(Snail door)?!”
Sno(Snail no), it’s much better to face these kinds of snings(Snail things)
With a sense of snoise(Snail poise) and snationality(Snail rationality) again.

During Bayo and Luka’s first date, Jeanne and Loki follow them around, wearing extremely generic disguises, to make sure everything goes smoothly. At one point during the evening, the duo disguise themselves as restaurant waiters but end up doing more harm than good when Loki accidentally spills piping hot chicken alfredo all over Luka.

anonymous asked:

CS and 29! Thanks, love : )

SEND ME A SHIP AND A NUMBER AND I’LL WRITE A SHORT FIC

#29 celebrity/fan au

Sorry I took so long. I had so much going on…


I Remember You

The outside café has never been more enchanting…

Sipping at the glass of water, he watches her from his seat at his table. She looks oddly familiar, but that isn’t quite possible. Because he hears her accent from the distance separating their tables.

Her waiter catches her attention as he passes by.

“Excuse me. Sir?”

She is American. The picture of what American beauty is supposed to be like: pretty and blonde and petite. Behind those sunglasses, (his gaze turns up towards the cloudy London afternoon and he smiles) he is sure that there are blue eyes that he is been less than privy to. Except…

Blue eyes do not go along with the vague memory. A memory that makes no sense anyway. An American? He doesn’t know any Americans personally. So…

He doesn’t hear what the waiter says in return.

Killian sees as her phone is pulled out from her handbag. He sees how they both lean into each other as they consult the contents.

The glasses stay on. The blonde hair falls over her shoulder.

She is beautiful.

Why is she also familiar?

The waiter dismisses himself, finally, with a short bow. She is left to continue her quiet search over her phone.

Killian leans back in his seat, reaching inside his pocket for his wallet. He is done with lunch. The view is… quite a sight, but….

The bills fall to the table, a generous tip included.

He stops short of standing, because she is looking up. She is gathering her own belongings.

Why is there such a draw to her, this American beauty?

Killian watches as she stands up. She is dressed beautifully in the cream-colored knee-length dress. She pushes her sunglasses over the bridge of her nose. She bends just slightly over the table so that she can clutch the purse in one hand and the phone in the other.

And then she begins to walk.

Keep reading

That equates to a gross income of $1350 for the restaurant every hour. A good tip is 20%, and a bad tip is 10%, so working with an average tip of 15%, and excluding outliers, that same waiter is earning $202 an hour. Carry that out to an entire shift, and your same average waiter is walking home with over $1600 a day.

That’s over $600,000 a year.

i’m losing it. this person’s math thinks an average waiter makes $600,000 a year. 

holmes-sensei asked:

I'm watching the french open ugh tennis players sure are hot or is it because rei made me think like that

Hi, sensei. Hahaha ohhh I was reading (reading lol) the twitter acc of Bourbon’s seiyuu and he also loves tennis. Those episodes were so good, Bourbon playing and Conan was like :O 

You see how Zero can do it all? he can drive (like fast and the furious driving), he can play tennis, he’s also good using diguises, he can fight, he can open locked doors, he’s patient and always listens to Kogoro (even his crazy deductions), he smiles a lot, he’s a hacker, he likes kids, he likes animals, he’s smart, he cares about his friends, he’s not afraid of Gin,  HE’S WORKING AS A WAITER.

(zura i’ll be back in a couple of hours. i need to answer all your and sakamoto’s asks, the drunk in love one was epic XD, i’m studying for a final. i’ll be back)

So I went out for sushi today to my favorite restaurant that has Ipad menus that you order from. Because of that the waiters always ask if you know how to order from the menu. So when they sat us down and handed us the menu the waiter says “I know you already know how to use this” then walks away. Conclusion: I go out for sushi too often.

Fake Blood #🎬
#ElyxYak #Elyx #ElyxStory
#FakeBlood #Movie

This Picture was made a few days after the creation of Elyx at a restaurant terrace. The waiter was in the perfect perspective and had a funny surprise before he understood. Note : Elyx was not harmed for this sequence 😂 (à CAFÉ HUGO)